QUIPS IN COURTS.

Hokitika Guardian, 11 August 1928, Page 4

QUIPS IN COURTS.

Tottenham Magistrate to Husband: You know when you married your wife you made a promise to'live with her. Man: Yes. And now I have promised not to live with her again.

“ A father seldom knows the date of his child’s birth, but a mother always does.”—Willesden magistrate.

Wood Green Constable (of motorist summoned for speeding): When stopped lie said. “I ought to have gone the other way.” Magistrate (imposing fine) : A pity he didn’t.

Willesden Magistrate (to woman complainant): ‘‘Try to educate your neighbours up to your own declared .high standard of womanhood, and there may yet be peace in your street.” »"* * •

Nottingham Solicitor: This woman prepared for the fray. She took off her coat', hat, gloves and glasses—and then sho took out her teeth [

A Man summoned for Wife Desertion at Marylebone: She lived for her cat and sat up seven nights nursing it. She fed it on fillet of steak and beef extract. * » *

Magistrate at Tottenham to Wife: Why "did your husband strike yon? Wife: I don’t know. If I bad given him any cause I wouldn’t mind^

‘“lrish hones always mend better than English bones. The calcium in potatoes, so much eaten by the Irish, keeps the bones strong to an advanced age.”—A doctor at a Camberwell inquest. Willesden Magistrate : Why does vour bins band threaten you. Woman: To make me hit him first.

Mr Registrar Friend at Clerkemvell County Court: If you go about the world imagining that the average Englishman is easily bluffed you had better wake up. * * • * *

Solicitor to Shoreditch debtor: Your wile is keeping you, 1 suppose? The Man: No, I manage to keep myself. The Solicitor: Unusual for this neigh bourhood. * # * * * Mansfield Landlord': I thought he was coming to pay me what ho oued, hut lie threw a brick through the window. Young Man at North London : She is a great friend of my mother; in fact, when my mother wants anything pawned she always takes it in for her. ***** Willesden Magistrate: Have you any witnesses to call?—Applicant: Yes, five. The Magistrate: Pick out the blest two. * * * * “There wore three exists from this picture palace and one of them was ont.-ude-.—A witness at Kingston-on-Tha lues. 17 * * * Judge Crawford at Wood Green County Court: In the*c days a mother h"s nn control over her daughter—or a father either. * * * * Wife at Marvlebnne: He is a terrible drunkard; ho absolutely eats it.