HUMOUR IN PARLIAMENT.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 12 October 1922, Page 3

HUMOUR IN PARLIAMENT.

THE BUSY BEE.

AFFORDS AN AMUSING TEXT

Avert your eyes a moment from the general ©lection to consider what a jolly thing New Zealand Parliament was a generation ago. I turned up recently (writes A, G. Stephens) the report of an old speech, by Dick Reeves, once representative of the old electorate of Inangahua, which at this day is worth chuckling over. The subject was the Foul Brood in Bees Bill, upon which a miners' representative could talk freely. "Hon. members," said the cheerful Mr. Reeves, thirty years ago, "were familiar with the little busy bee. In childhood's happy hour they had loved that thrilling hymn by Dr. Watts, beginning 'Twinkle, twinklfe, little bee!' The bee was a subject of vast national importance; no family circle should, be without one or. more. TEe bee was of the same family as tne ant; some bees were aunts*—others uncles. The ant was the most gifted' reptile; it built palaces, made streets, had its own sanitary arrangements and Parliamentary institutions, though he trusted it did not indulge in that most reprehensible practice—stonewalling. "He entreated the earnest attention of hon. members; the happiness of unborn millions was bound up in the Foul Brood in Fleas—in Bees Bill. The bee was a docile beast, more tractable than the dog even; the latter bit with his front moiety, and could therefore see and choose where to- plant its sting; the bee bit with its latter end, and, consequently, with less discrimination. Therefore the cultivation of the bee was more important than that of the dog. True, the dog had medicinal property. . ('A voice: '"What medicinal property?') Bark!

"Hon. members might have heard of a gentleman named Napoleon Buonaparte. He was dead! He was born in

I a town called Corsica.. Now, what was i Corsica noted for? For locusts and honey. As a boy Master Buonaparte was suckled on these things. He used to go out into the wilderness and live for forty days and forty nights on wild locusts* and honey. (Mr. Leyestam, a Hebrew : JYon de Baptist' did.') His hon. friend was right, John the Baptist did the same thing, and look what a man John was! He cut off the head of ', King\Herod and placed it on a charger called Mazeppa. This was the effect of a honey diet. (Great interruption.) "He would implore hon. gentlemen not to treat this' great subject in a spirit of levity. Could we but extirpate the foul brood and bring our young men up on honey we could rear Baptists and

Napoleons of our own, superior to the imported articles. He would not go as far as to say that had this Bill been law the first Napoleon would have been with us now. The bee was intelligent and had commercial instincts. In the district- he had the honour to represent they put boxes, which they sold as containing 1-ilb of honey, into the bees' den. In these boxes oach bee laid just one pound of honey, not one grain more or less, thus affording to the vendor a slight additional profit on the bees labour.

"There ; were three kinds of bee known to conchologists—-the humble, the bumble, and the queen. The humble bee was of unobtrusive disposition ; the bumble bee wasn't—it was a kind of bee beadle (Interruption.) 'He stood or fell by his facts. The queen bee was ■- so called because she did not work and ate- nearly all the honey. There had lately been an importation of the humble—he should say the bumble— perhaps, however, it was the humblebee in Canterbury! This so materially increased the clover that the farmers there were now living in clover. "Hon. members might have heard of Naples, so called because it was the birthplace of the game known as nap. (Marchant, M.P. for Taranaki, rose to order.) Mr. Reeves; glanced at Mr. Marchant with a look in which, surprise, indignation, wounded honour, injured patriotism, and other things struggled for precedence. He was grieved and pained that the hon. member for Taranaki, of all persons,. should interrupt his few and condensed remarks. Everyone knew that the hon. gentleman-had <a number of bees in his (Voice: 'Bonnet!') —constituency. "In Canterbury, as before said, a gentleman had introduced the bumble bee. What was the result? (Here several agriculturists in the gallery had apoplectic symptoms in tneir endeavours to follow the result.) Mr. Reeves frisked away from results and affirmed, slowly, sadly, solemnly, 'Honey, sir, comes spontaneously, and is produced from flowers.' The foul brood was as important as the Californian thistle or codlin moth. (A voice: '"What are you giving us?') He was talking of "the fluke.in bees. "We all hoped to go to Canaan, which was a land flowing with milk and honey. Honey was the finest possible thing for a cold; honey, whisky, and water—or without water. There would be no colds in Canaan. (Levestam: 'You vill be varm in Canaan!') He humbly trusted so. He had at least endeavoured to do his duty to this foul brood before him. (Interruption.) He had said nothing which he need withdraw. The foul brood he alluded to was the Bill. The Queen of- England was very fond of Athol brose. What was Athol brose? Why a mixture —a. most invidious mixture—of honey, oatmeal, and whisky. Could we only extirpate this foul brood, humblest peasant in the land might' sit beneath the shade of his,own fig tree, in the stillness of a starless night, and quaff gerierous draughts of Athol brose. ''Here Mr. Reeves_ addressed himself to the subject of Scottish heather, tearfully demanding its acclimatisation as b'eihe the very best bee-producing herb. At the close of his^ second hour Mr. Reeves was rapidly losing himself in poetic frenzy, as he pictured New Zealand's argosies, deep-laden with honey, sailing Britain-wards in order to supply Her Majesty with material for Afchol brose." ■/. Perhaps his genial remarks may induce the gloomier candidates of to-day to brighten their speeches a trifle. -