IN THE NORTH SEA.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume LXIX, Issue LXIX, 27 May 1915, Page 3

IN THE NORTH SEA.

A CHAPLAIN'S HUMOR

I am "in the North Sea"; in a battleship in the North Sea; in an office in the battleship; in a in the office. That is to say, the lower half of me is in a mail-bag, which, being made of stout canvas and drawn up close around the waist, forms a very comforting protection against the coiu..

As to what I aan dcing in the office, the strictness, of the censorship forbids me to say; but it is a certain job for which 1 have volunteered, as every, one must do his bit in these days. Certainly, the -work does not cbine under the heading of pastoral duties, and according to the terms of the Hague Convention I am probably rendering myself liable to be shot by our friends the enemy if they catch me. Well, they ara quite welcome to do it— -if they can! About four feet above my head, as I sit writing, is a steel deck; and upon this deck there are now being dumped down a large number of projectiles, \ eighing well over a thousand pounds each. As tne process of dumping is not conducted with any undue delicacy, the resultant noise can well be imagined. Should one. of i these-1 huge projectiles by any mischance explode, what death and havoc it would spread around! Of course, there is not; the slightest possibility of such a thing happening; the precautions and safety arrangements make certain of that. But—let me spin a brief yarn with a moral.- A man was once brought up before the captain for some misdemeanour, a*nd, being a bit of a sea-lawyer, was fully persuaded that according to the wording of the King's Regulations and Admiralty Instructions the captain could not punish him. "E can't dx> it, 'c can't do it," he kept repeating to himself; and so argued till the last moment—" 'E can't do it, 'c can't do it!—but 'c 'aye!"

There is one consolation. If I should prove mistaken in believing that ths projectiles overhead cannot explode, I should have no time to exclaim, "but 'c 'aye!"

Equanimity remains undisturbed. If! I remember rightly, it was a part of the Kultur scheme that we in the fleet were to be in-the-nerves-shaken and to-a-state-of-collapse-reduced by the fearfn] mental strain to which we should naturally be subjected, being harried and worried by perpetual alarms and fears. Another miscalculation! I am thinking of writing a book, in imitation of a reverend colleague in the Sister Service, .and calling it '"How to be -.h^-pr>y though terrified." For the men of the fleet were never so cheerful and contented as now. Never nave -I known a ship's company so universally "happy" as that to*whk-h I hfve the ho^or now to belong. The Bailor loves his growl, in normal circumstances. To-day he has given up prrowlmsr. and goes about his work with the R^iile that won't come off. And as for the dreadful strain, the only strain noticeable is that on the buttons of those many^officers and men who, since, the war started, have put on that flesh which argues a contented mind.—From a Grand Fleet Chaplain's note-book.