MERRIER MOMENTS.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue 7395, 22 February 1902, Page 4 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

The keynote of good breeding — B natural. Raisins are sometimes like prophets — for instance, when they arestoned. "I wonder if there really is ariy. honour among thieves?" ''Uertainlynot. Thieves arfe just as bad as any other people." Florence: "My cheefes are burning; like fire." Estelle: "I thought - I smelt burning paint." ■ A -fishdealer advertises: — "Whenlooking for fresh lobsters, don't forget me."

Mother Fly (tragically): Yes, Willie, this is Mount Terrible, and here's the spot where your poor dear papa met his death! A seedy man was recently bewailing the fact that ihe had on a wornout pair of shoes. "Never mind," said a friend, sympathetically;' "there is many an honest heart beats beneath a pair of old shoes." The following entry appears in> the complaint book of a club which: numbers several Irishmen among its members: — "The hot water in the lavatory to-day was quite ctold, and' there was none of it." Everything in nature indulges in. amusement. The lightning plays, the wind whistles, the thunder rolls,, the, snow flies, the waves leap, and. the fields smile. Even the buds shioot and the rivers run. Some. heartless wretch caught two cats, tied them by the tails, and 1 flung -them into the cellar of a church. The residents of the vicinity heard the noise the animals made, but thought it was the choir rehearsing. A gentleman ihad been summoned" in Paris for encouraging small boys by throwing copper to them to often slides on the flagrvay near his house. He confessed to the policeman that he did so because he expected his mother-in-law to dinner. "Oh, aunty," cried litle v Amy in the nursery, "make Freddy behave himself. Every time I hit him on the head with the mallet he bursts out crying."

Mr Rhino:. rGood morning, Ally; how do you like my new hat? Mr Gator: Get back a few hundred yards, old fellow, ■will you? I can't see things close to me with my new eye-glasses! Tom: "Have a smoke, told man." Jack: "Thanks. Don't care if I do.'* Tom: "You'll find that is-"something like a cigar." Jack (after a few puffs): "By George! there is a slight resemblance. , What is it?"' A negro was brought before a magistrate and convicted of pilfering; the magistrate begins to remonstrate. "Do you kniow how to read?" "Yes, massa, little. "Well, don't you ever make use of the Bible?" "Yes, massa, I strop my razor on him sometime." said the landlady, "we cannot accommodate you. We only take in single gentlemen." "Goodness," replied Mr Marryatt; "what makes you think I'm twins?"