MERRIER MOMENTS

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue 7389, 15 February 1902, Page 4 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS

To wash a mule safely, dlo it with the garden-hose, and stand on the other side of a fence while you do it.

Jack: "Well, did you succeed in making her father toe the mark?" Tom {sadly): "Yes, but I was the mark."

"Talk about the jaws of death!" exclaimeu a hen-pecked husband, "I tell you they are nothing to the jaws of life."

Pearl: "Did you ever meet such a jealous woman as the wife of the captain of the Moss Rose?" Ruby;. "Never. Why, she is actually/ jealous when he hugs the shore."

" You're not a cousin or anything like that of our fair hostess, are you?" " No, nothing of the sort." " Well, did you ever attend such a stupid affair in your life?"

" Ye-es, a good many. I—l'mI — I'm her husband, you see, and I have to."

At a Police Court recently a man was brought up for drunkenness. The Magistrate: What do you want to get drunk for? Prisoner: Oh, it was only for a lark. "Oh," answered the magistrate, smilingly, "we have cages for larks. Go in one for fourteen days."

A member of a fashionable congregation called at a music shop and inquired, "Have you the music of a piece called the 'Song of Solomon?'" adding,' "Our pastor referred to it yesterday as an exquisite gem, and my wife would like to learn to play it."

"Will you get wings when you go to heaven?" asked little Slsie of her father, who is bald-headed. "Yes, dear," he replied. "And will they put feathers on your head, too, papa?" she persisted.

When a young man takes a girl to a football match and goes to the trouble of explaining all the points to her you should see that your stock of rice is not running low.

It was after the domestic tiff. "I really have nothing to live for," complained the wife. "You forget my life insurance," remarked the husband, who was, of course, a brute.

"Do you believe in woman's rights?" she demanded, jabbing him in the ribs with her umbrella. "Yes," he replied, as he moved to a sale distance, "I believe in woman's funeral rites."

COY. Mike (timidly): Molly, did ye ever think ay marryin?

Molly (demurely) : Sure, now, th' subject has niver intered me thoughts. Mike (turning away): It's sorry Oi am.

Molly (softly): Wan minute, Mike. Ye've set me a'thinkin'.

"Dere ain't no doubt about it," said Meandering Mike, "education pays." "I s?pose you're speakin' from experience?" responded Plodding Pete, contemptuously. "I am. I went t'roo one o' de biggest colleges in de country, while de students was asleep."

Jones never knew a more vengeful individual than Brown, who, in the exuberance of his rage at someone who offended him, said, "I'll have revenge; by jove, I'll give his little boy a tin trumpet."