MERRIER MOMENTS.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue 7383, 8 February 1902, Page 4 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

A Dutch paper publishes the following advertisement from a disconsolate wife: — "Adolphus, — Return to your dear Matilda. The piano has been sold."

A fool ' who touched a lighted cigar to an elephant's trunk to see " if anything would happen" thought the world had suddenly come to an end when the animal found out what was tickling his feeler.

"Why do you call that fast bicyclerider a scorcher?" "Because he goesat a hot pace, makes pedestrians boiling mad, warms up the police, gets, roasted in Court, and thinks the whole thing is a burning shame."

Grandpa: Don't get frightened, Willie, the tiger is about to be fed; that makes him jump and roar so. Willie' (composedly): Papa behaves just likethat when his meals ain't ready.

A little boy's father had promised' to bring him a toy train back from town. At bedtime he added the following to his usual prayer: "God bless papa, and bring him home safely, and — and — his luggage!"

Aurelie: Just fancy, Mathilde, my papa has brought 'me a lovely little present as a memento of his trip! It is a penknife with "Karlsbad" inlaid in the mother-of-pearl haft.

Mathilde: Oh! that's nothing; my mother brought me back from her journey a silver spoon, on which is engraved "Hotel Kaiserhof, Berlin."

Writer: This is a great scheme this Chicago man has of dividing up his autobiography. Critic: What is it? "Instead of using chapters he divides it off under the headings 'First Wife,' •Second Wife,' 'Third Wife,' 'Fourth Wife,' etc."

"What does M.D. after your name stand for, doctor?" asked young Mr Toofunny at the reception. "Many debts," replied the physician, with a look that made Toofunny forget his venerable little joke and feel that the doctor's bill had entered his soul.

Lady (who is entertaining her little son's playmate, aged five, to dinner): Willie, can you cut your own meat? Willie (who is struggling with a piece on his plate): Yes, thank you (with a desperate saw at the beef), I've cut twice as tough meat as this at home.

SUGGESTIVE FACT. Irate Old Gentleman (to snoring inebriate): Don't you know if you kept your mouth shut you would make less noise? Snoring Inebriate (drowsily) : So would you.