MERRIER MOMENTS.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue 7377, 1 February 1902, Page 4 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

"Johnny, here you are at breakfast with your face unwashed!" "I know it mamma. I saw the little things that live in water through papa's miscroscope last evening, and I'm not going to have them crawlin* over my face with their ftinny little legs!"

"Dicky, did Mrs Gibson ask why we weren't going over to spend the evening with her?" "Yes, mother; an' I told her- you had an invitashun to Mrs Black's, an' liked her best!"

Mrs Bilkins (sweetly): Do have another piece of cake, Cousin John.

Cousin John: Why, really, I've already had two; but it's so good I believe I will have another.

Little Johnnie (excitedly): Ma's a winner! Ma's a winner! She said she'd bet you'd make a pig of yourself!

A doctor asked his assistant what his father was. "A farmer," was the reply. "It's a pity he did not make you follow his trade," said the doctor. "What was your father?" asked the assistant. "A gentleman," answered the doctor. "What a pity he didn't make you one too," was the retort.

Mother: "What is Johnnie crying about, Cissie?"

Cisste: "Oh, he dug such a beautiful hole in the sands this morning, and nurse wouldn't let him- -bring it home."

Like Father, Like Son.— Rector: "Mr Jones, I'm sorry to tell you that I say your boy fishing last Sunday." Mr Jones: "Confound the rascal! I though it was strange I couldn't find my fishing rod."

Tom (just returned from abroad to his brother Jack, newly married): ""Well, you've been and gone and done it, old chap. ' Why on earth didn't you chose a pretty girl while you were about it? She's a perfect fright." Jack (stiffly): "I'm not one who looks only at the surface. I married Jane for her inward beauty." Tom: "Well, for goodness* sakes, Jack; give her a chance. Turn her inside out."

Hart (insinuatingly): How would you like to lend a friend a sovereign old man?

Strutte: I should be only too pleased, old fellow, but I haven't a friend in the world.

QUEER GEORGIA ITEMS.

"The supper for the benefit of the new church lightning rod was a grand success."

"A dinner in the interest of the schoolhouse bell was given on Wednesday last."

"A strawberry festival for the benefit of the town cemetery is scheduled for the near future."

"To-morrow a barbecue will be given for the new courthouse steps."

A DEAD HEAT WITH ONE ENTRY.

"What's the funniest think I ever saw?" repeated the gentleman of sporting tendencies. "Well, I guess it was a dead heat in an event where there was only one entry." "How in the world was that?" came from the other end of the store — and when the answer came, "A cremation,'" the, qutesfSonen (ordered the drinks.