Joke Competition

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume XX, Issue 239, 27 September 1930, Page 15

Joke Competition

JUNIOR*.

He (telephoning); “11l be there in a jiffy!” She: “Aw, I thought you had a Chrysler I” , _ , —Prize of 1/- to Dorothy Estaugh, age 10 years, c/o Post Office, Haumoana. The parson was lunching at the Browns. Before starting he bent his head reverently over his plate, when Jimmy piped out: “It’s all right, Parson, the meat's quite fresh I" —Red Certificate to Rene Hassell, age 8 years, Paki Paid.

Grandma had forgotton»that it was two years since she had seen one small member of the family, and that the child had, in the meantime, done n great deal towards learning to spell. “I can’t take it!’’ stoutly asserted this little fellow, when his mother insisted on his swallowing a spoonful of medicine “I can’t take It!” “Then I. shall be obliged .to punish you,” said mamma, who had passed through more than one scene of this kind, and was beginning to tire of them. Grandma did not like to interfere, but thought she could do so without showing her partisanship to the boy. “My dear,” said she to her daughter, “whv not try h-o-n-e-y?” "Yes,” cried the boy, before hi” mother could answer, “I'd do most anything for honey!” i Grandma’s ruse had not succeeded, but he got the honey. —Orange Certificate to lAttic Doole. age 7 years, Omahu Rd , Hastings. Mother: “John, forgive yoor brother before you go to sleep. You might die in the night.” John (reluctantly) : “I'll forgive him to-night then, but if I don’t die he'd better look out in the morning.” —Orange Certificate to Nola Then, ngc 6 years, 606 Ellison Rd , Hastings. An American was walking along a country road in the North _ Island when he came across a Maori busily employed in making a road. “Hullo, Hori,” ho sard, "what are you doingP” “Oh,” said Hon, “me buay making road.” “I see,” said the Amerioan. “what are you making tho road

with?” “Oh!” said Hori, “elay. gravel, stone and all sorts of things Uko that.” “I see.” slid the American again, “what proportion of each do you use?” The Maori, disgusted with ao many questions, said in answer to the Yankee’s last question: “You no think me road-maker; yon think me Rhodes scholar!” . —Orange Certificate to Billy Roes, age 9 years, Havelock North. SENIOR*. A little urchin seven or eight years old, in a school where a Miss Blodgett was teacher composed the following to the great amusement of the boys: “A little mouse ran up the stairs, To hear Miss Blodgett say her prayers.” The teacher discovered the rhyme, and called out the culprit. For a punishment she gave him his choice—to make up another rhyme in five minutes or be caned. After thinking and scratching his head till time was nearly up, and the teacher was lifting the cane, at tho last moment he exclaimed : “Here I stand before Miss Blodgett, She's going to strike, I'm going to dodge it.” —Red Certificate to David Doole, age II years, Omahu Rd., Hastings.

Disgusted Diner (to waiter): “What kind of meat do you call thief” Waiter: "Spring lamb, air.” D.D.: “I thought as much. I've been chewing one of the springs for an hour!” —Orange Certificate to Roy Natusch, age 12 years, Havelock North. • Teacher: “Tell me the names of the seasons P” Little Willie: "Pepper, salt, vinegar and mustard!” —Orange Certificate to Jean Natusch. age 13 years, Havelock North. Mother Hubbard: “You children must give and take, you know.” Boy Blue: “Well, so we do, Mother Hubbard, I gave Johnny Stout a smack and took his apple.” —Orange Certificate to Joan Hodges, age 18 years, Box 339, Hastings. The schoolmaster was taking a lesson in science. “Now then, Smith,” be said, "name me a poisonous substance P” Willie Smith, who was not gifted with an over supply of intelligence, thought deeply. “Aviation,” he replied after a while. The class tittered wtyh amusement and the master looked sternly at the boy. “Explain yourself, Smith,” he snapped. “One drop will kill, sir,” Willie responded. -Orange Certificate to Joyce Malcolm, age 12 ysars, P. 0., Fernhill. Orderly Officer: “Any complaintsP” Private Brown: “Yes, the bread's wrong. Contradicts tho law of gravity.” “Explain yourself s ” “Well, sir. it’s as 'eavy as lead, and it won’t go down.” —Orange Certificate to Phyllis Day. age 12 rears, Francis St., Hastings. » ««*«*9*jr««**»<***•