Joke Competition

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume XX, Issue 162, 28 June 1930, Page 15

Joke Competition

SENIORS. Mother: *4 told you to comb your hair. Valdai” Valda: “Ye#, Mummie, but I can’t Bobbie’# been playing at dentist’s and there’s not a tooth left in any of the combe.” —Prize of 1Z- to Ray Hannah, ag# 11 years. Park Rd., Hasting#. If you saw an #gg on a plana stool, which one of Sir Walter Scott’a poems would it remind yon of? “The Lav of the last Minstrel." —Red Certificate to Peter Bell, age 13 years, Box 101, Havelock - North. Professor: “Why don’t you anawe me?” student: “I did! Professors 1 shook my head/’ Professor: “Well, yon don’t expect me to hear it rattle from here, d# you?” ? —Red Certificate to Lennox Trew> age 11 years. Tollemache Rd., Hasp ings. Mr. Richman: "Do you like th# place? Shall w# buy it?” His Wife: “Oh, it’s perfectly lovely! The view from this balcony is so fine that it leaves me speed*, less." " _ . Mr. Richman: "Then we’ll buy it.” _ — . —Red Certificate to Joy Warren, age 11 years, 814 Ellison Rd., Hastings. Teacher- "Who can describe a caterpillar?” Bright Pupil: "I can." Teacher: “Well?” Bright Pupil: "An upholstered worm.” —Red Certificate to Nick Wilkins, age 11 years, 1012 Plunket St.j Hastings. At a revival meeting converts war# coming forward by the doeen. . A negro came srtiding down the. aisle and dropped to bis knees. He was barefooted and two enormous feet stuck up behind him. • In a moment the revivalist started up the aisle, kneeling here and there beside the converts. Th# nearsighted old man peered earnestly at the negro, patted him on the shoulder and murmured: "Bless you, brother.” Then kneeling behind him and putting a hand on each heel he said • “And bless these two d#ar little b °-Red Certificate to Freda Martin, age 11 years. 104 Gascoign# St., Hastings. A wealth” but frugal old g#ntteman took a taxi-cab home and on arrival handed the driver his exact fare. The driver looked agrrieved. “But look ’ere. sir when I drives vour son ’ome ’• always gives In# five bob for the Journey.’’ “Ah. yes,” said th# old gentle, man quietlv "but you must remember that he has a rich father and I haven’t." —Red Certificate to Cecfl O'Halloran. age 12 years. 20 Brewster Bt, Napier.

A sharp little boy wa# taken to school for t the first time. The teacher, noticing the little stranger, remarked: “I fancy I see a new face,” Whereupon the child replied: “No, it ain’t new Miss, only mother’s iust washed it.’’ —Orange Certifloat# to Betty Somervell, age 11 years, 110 Tomoana Rd.. Hastings

Aunty: “What are you doing In the pantry Shielaf” Shiela: "Saving you from tom# bad luck.” Aunty: “Whatever do you mean?" Shiela: "Well I saw thirteen plea on a plate, and of course that is an. unlucky number, so I ate on# a# quickly as I could.” —Orange Certificate to Bettie Wilson, age 11 years. 505 Cornwall Rd., Hastings. ,

Weary Walter: "Will you giro m# tuppence for a bed. guv’nor?” Ikey: “Yeth—where is it?” —Orange Certificate to Willtam Howard age 13 years, 310 Eastbourne St., Hastings.

Father (teaching small daughter to tell the time): “The#e are the hours—and these are the minutes—and these are the seconds.” Little Girl’ (still puzzled) t “B-bui where are the jiffies, Daddy?” —Orange Certificate to June Lowe, age 11 years, c/o Mrs F. Martin, 104 Gascoigne St., Hastings.

Mr. Brown was showing some nhots>s of himself at th# Maude to his friend Mr. Smith He camo across a photo of himself sitting on the back of a donkey. Brown: “Now don’t you think that's just like me?” Smith: “Yes; but who’s that on your back?” .... —Orange Certificate to Isabel Roil, nge 12 years, Tomoana Rd.. Hastings. JUNIOR!, Member of Anti-Gambling League! “I won’t say I have never gambled; I once bought a ticket in a raffle for my wife.” Voice out of the Audience: "So that’s how vou got her. is it?” —Red Certificate to Duncan Kemsley, age 8 yeara, Clive Rd., Hastings. Billy (at commencement of holidays) : “What will I do to-day? Father says I should do some lessons. I know. I’ll toss the penny. If it comes heads I'll plav football, if it comes tails I’ll play pirates with Tommv and if it stands on its side I'll do lessons to please Father.” —Red Certificate to Dorothy Benson, age 10 years. CUve. Brown: How can vou tell an old fowl from a young one?” Jones: “Bv the teeth.” Brown: “But fowls have none." Jc.nea: "Yes but I have.” —Orange Certificate to Dick Hunt, age 7 years. 501 Jcrvoia St., Hastings.