Joke Competition

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume XVII, Issue 217, 27 August 1927, Page 11

Joke Competition

SENIORS. Dorothy (who has met her little friend Jimmy in the road): “Hello, Jimmy! 1 hear you ve been fishing. What did you catch?’' Jimmy: “1 caught a cold, I caught it hot f°r fishing in private waters, and 1 caught a hiding from Dad when 1 got home.” —Prize of 1/- to Gladys Kitt, age 11 years, Havelock road, Hastings.

Little Willie: “Father, do cows and bees go to Heaven? ’ Father: “I don't know, Wty?” Little Willie: “Because if they don’t, the milk and honey the minister said was up there must be all tinned stuff.’’

—Red Certificate to Iris Harding, age 12 years, 415 E Queen street, Hastings.

First Scotchman: “Why, is McTavish going about with his mouth open?’’ Second Scotchman: “McGregor told him there was a nip in the air.” —Red Certificate to Rose Gallien, age 13 years. 506 Brunswick road, Hastings.

Mike, meeting Pat. said: “How are you and how is vour wife.” Pat: “No good. On going home last night I found 11 er sitting down with sciatica.” Mike: “Well did vou kill the Italian. Pat?”

—Orange Certificate to George Godber, age 11 years, Evenden road, Mahora, Hastings. At the children’s court the other day a small boy was before the magistrate for robbing an orchard. Magistrate: “Now, my boy. I will not punish you this time, as there seems no real evidence that you were seen in the orchard.” “Oh. thank you very much sir! beamed the lad. “And please may I keep the apples?” —Orang* Certificate to Elva Gigg, age 11 years, 404 E Southampton street, Hastings.

Granny (who doesn’t like modern manners) to her grandchildren: “You girls are so useless nowadays, I never see you do any sewing. Why, I believe yoti don’t know what needles are for!”

The Youngest Grandchild: “What a dear old granny you are. Why, they are to make the gramophone play of course.” —Orange Certificate to Dorothy Farmery, age 11 yaprs, Box 210, Hastings.

Bill: “Three hundred lives lost in a kitchen in a single day! . Isn’t it shocking?” Harry “In a kitchen? How ridiculous! How do you know that?” Bill: “Bv the paper.” Harry: “What paper?” Bill: “The fly-paper.” —Orange Certificate to Rauma Godfrey, age 12 years, 1006 Waipuna street, Hastings. JUNIORS. “Your handwriting is very bad indeed.” said a man to a young college friend, who was more addicted to sport than study. “Y’ou really ought to learn to write better.” “Yes.” returned the young man, “it’s all very well for you to tell me that; buf if I were to write better people would be finding out how I spell.” —Orange Certificate to Roh M< Donald; age 10 years, 603 Ellison road, Hastings.

Little Margaret was watching the elephant at the zoo. “What’s that long snakv thing he swings about in front of nun?” she wanted to know.

“That’s his trunk,” explained her father. “Then I s’pose that little one behind is his suitcase.” —Orange Certificate to Cyril Eves, age 9 years, Fitzroy road, Havelock North.

One day Mary, who was always telling stories, rushed into hei mother and said: “Mother, there is a lion outside.” After looking out the window she said severely: “Mary, you naughty girl, that is a yellow dog. Go to your bedroom and pray to God that vou will not tell any more stories.”

When Mary came back her mother asked her if she had prayed, and she received this reply: “Yes. Mother, imj God said. ‘Pray don’t mention it, Miss Brown, 1 have often mistaken that dog for a lion myself.’ ”

—Orange Certificate to Betty Brown, age 10 years, 202 Davis street, Hastings.