Christmas Jestlets

Hawke's Bay Tribune, 24 December 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

Christmas Jestlets

Mnnv a <izal>b C!iristin:s gift i~ ”or---rmtlv Viz <1 up by the s:glu over tin s'uilL Tbo Bride- - .hi-- dink of >t, dearJ Fiftv y-?nrs from yesterday will •’x" <>ur golden anniversary! Some men are earnestly bent on giv-''-n-r their tamihe- a h.ai pv C nn.'tin.i' nnd other are just as earm-stly bro<e -.on it. . »

'’Writing to Charlie?’ x, ¥es. : ’ "I thought he was engaged. “He writes me that h:s girl n;b thrown him overbo. rd, so I in dropping a line.’’ ,

Mrs G.iswol! (reading-: Jolr.i. hmv •Jid the 'sphinx get- it' reputation tor ...being so wiser ' , , . Gaswell: "By Kr-”ping its mouth si- i, <or 1.000 years, my dear." # ♦ * *

Jack : "I’m going to receive a great many cigars and halt-a-d<>ze>i pipes at Uhristmivs.” . , Tom - ‘ What makes inn think >o. Jack - "Why. I .-topped smoking t.vo ■ lays ago- r •

A conntrv bridegr- om. when Dm Tcridc hesitated to pronounce the word -"obey ’■ remarked to the officiating -t'hrgvr’nan, “Go on. mester—it don t •matter ; I can make her. * e Mrs Caller: “You surety don’t give -veur husband a necktie e.-erj Liliisi™Mrs Athome: ‘Oh. yes, I do! And the pm" dear never v ms to know -yjiat it is the same one!’’* * Hisrhwavnian • Halt! Your rr.one ; . or -srrmr life!" Ar _. " Victim: “It’s m. go. stranger. Jh __in dm <sn,>.n line of business nl--witvs nt Chr st'.:.p--ti:;i.'. and she’s just finished with me.

When n girl •. ires herself to n young man ?.■■ a (.'hri’tinas present and the;: ips;- 1 - on the young m n giving a lot of rro-.■nt- to her—■’.'• I - ’ sl:ow- li'.-'.v scuse there is in flic notion tisat •i girl never g.ves away. •Tami? was bo-giPg hi- father, for n S’-rom! helping ot pudding. "When 1 wax a Lnv " .-ai l bi- i nrent. ‘ mv father allowed in’ to have only one helping. damie- “Aren't vc.u glad you live with ii’. now. Dadd??" He was a pc or man but a contented eno. Santa ’ Claus came to him and •mid: “Whit do von v.ant. my friend? “Nothing." lie replied with becoming mnrlestv. which h? hoped would be rewarded. And Santa Claus was so pleased that he g.xv? it to him and passed i on. I • * • * I Miller Jan: •'How ditl Sants Claus i treat ye this year?’’ i Fortner Tam: “Fn-t rate. Jeff I <>.- ’ S' n brought baek that gun he borrow- ! cd. T found my old jack-knife in the ' wcnlx’ied. my faxes wnz redeo-cd four I shillings, an’ Aunt F.liza wrote to say I she couldn’t visit us."

1 Jink-- "I’m stopping smoking tliis week.’ 1 I Blinks: “Throat -ore?" Jinks - “No: but I’m afrakl ’f T rioji t imv w : fp will give me cigars at Christmas.” I » * * • i George: “Ah. T.ilv. dear, flu- will h” the hdims: Christmas I’v- ever spent. t Now that wc-’i'e engaged I think only j of future.’' T.ilv - “Do von? AVell. at tins time P r t',» rear I think only of t.ie pte- ■ sent." [ » ♦ * •

1 D.’"”m ■ "Ginks had the most wonderi fr.l control of his fca'ures of any man ! I cv-r knew." Bnir- “T understand 11? was a inar-'-e l " Dc>m • “He wms. AVhy. I’ve even I »c?n th>t man look' phased when h” I -"W what bis wife had bought him for ‘ Christinas.” * * I “Wk” ’’l we do with this lot of odd r ;- I ''iNit ’em in a prominent place near I rp- do-r Everv fa” llv bat's a Christ1 mas present for father.'’

“Going to do anything interesting this Christmas. Bagsby?" ‘Yes; I've persuade! my wife not to invit ■ any of cur relatives to dinner, hist to «ee if ‘onm of them won’t have originality em-tigh to invite us." ‘How do you sail your Christmas . mu-de?" asked the prospective customer. ! “It depends on the kind you want." replied the .-mart clerk. “AA’e sell piano ' mu io by the p-iur.d and organ music bv the choir." * « • » I “Christmas comes but one? u year," said the cheery citizen. “No use in its coming twice a year," ! said the moro-e person. “Must givn I a mar. a chance to save a little money before he can spend it!" *•’ • •

Guest fd.ining at. merry Christmas partv;: “Tommy, where do turkeys come from?" Tommy (pointing to that on the table): 1 Dunno: but mn got this one l.rom a tramp for a shilling, 'cause he said he stole, it. Didn’t he, ma ”

Molly • “Do you expect to have much fun at the Christmas party?’’ Dolly: "Hoxy can I help having it? Mx r hat will be trimmed with, mistletoe.’'

I “Tlie contrariness of human nature I is one of the most remarkable plv>I rnniena possible," mused the Rev. Dr. Thirdly. “When I was a bachelor my female , parishioners gave me on an average 1 seven pairs of slippers every ChristI mas. Now that I am married and have ‘•creral children in <<■ ••a-mnal i.i-cd <■>’ chastisement, I never receive a sing'o pair."

Last Christmas a certain vicar was invited to a big dinner at th” house of i one of the leading men in the toxvu. At flu? dinner-table he xvas placed op- | posite a goose. I The lady cf the house was placed on the vicar’s left. Seeing the goose he remarked : - “Shall I sit so close to ihe goose?" Finding his words a bit iquivocal, ho turned round to the lady, and said, in ” most inoffensive tone: - 'Excuse me. my laxly ; I meant the roast one.”