A DAY IN PETTICOATS.

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume 12, Issue 941, 9 May 1868, Page 3

A DAY IN PETTICOATS.

EY A MODEST 3IAN 1 . (Although this story appeared in the first volume of the Herald ten years ago, it will probably bo new to most or our present readers.) " I could'^x think of such a tiling." " But you must. My happiness depends on it. Here, put on the thingumbobs and the what's the name." And my friend Bob Styles held up before my hesitant gaze a suit of female apparel. His idea was that I should personate his lady love for one clay, to prevent any one from suspecting the truth — namely, that she had joined him in a runaway marriage party — until it should be too late for interference ; that is, until the minister should have tied a knot between them, that nothing but a special grant of the Legislature could untie. This scheme was not actually so absurd as it appeared at first sight. Maggie Lee was a tall, queenly-looking woman, with an almost masculine air, and at that time I had a very slight form — almost effeminate, so that in fact there was really very little difference in that point. Then I had light hair, tolerably long, and afresh complexion. Part my hair in the middle, and put a bonnet on my head, and few persons would have suspected but I was really one of the softer sex. These accessories gave me quite a decided resemblance to Maggie Lee, especially when, as in this case, the disguise was her own. Then the day chosen for the runaway match, was an auspicious one. Maggie's father was to drive her to D , a small village near which she lived, and there she was to join a sailing party down D river, to the grove, from which the party was to return in carriages. Our plan was, that I should be in waiting in the village, and should go on the boat with the sailing party, while Maggie, after leaving her father, should whip off with Bob Styles into the country. At last I got dressed, and presented myself before Maggie Lee, blushing a great deal, I believe, and feeling very much pinched about the waist, and with an uncomfortable consciousness that my — my — shirt sleeves were too short, or wanting altogether. Everything finished in the way of toilet, Bob Styles took me in his light wagon, drove me over to by a secluded route, and left me at the hotel where the sailing party was to assemble. Several of the picknickers were already there, and they greeted my cavalier cordially (everybody knew Bob Styles), asking if he was going with them, &c. He told them he was not. " Pressing business arrangements, you know, and all that sort of thing. Deuced sorry I can't go, though. I had just time to bring Miss Lee over, and now I'm off. Mr. Bimby, this is Miss Lee. Miss Withergall, Miss Lee," and he rattled off a long string of brief introductions, which convinced me that but a few of the company were acquainted with the young Jady whom I was thus personating, — a very fortunate thing for the preservation of my disguise. Mr. Bimby, a tall legal-looking man with a hook nose, eye-glass, and fluffy hair, seemed to be pre-possessed with my personelU, and I overheard him whisper to Bob Styles, as he went out : — " Nice looking girl that Miss Lee." " Yes," answered Bob, with a mischievous glance at me ; " she is a nice girl, though a little go-ahead sometimes. Keep a little look-out on her, will you ?" — then lowering his voice, " Not a bad match for you, old fellow ; she is rich." ." Is she?" said Mr. Bimby, his interest deepening. "On my honour," replied Bob ; " forty thousand in her own right. Day, day," and he was gone. Maggie Lee, artful creature that she was, had told her father that the sailing party was assembled at another hotel ; thither he had taken her. Having business in D , he had left her there, merely saying that he would send the carriage) for her at eleven o'clock. She, like a faithful daughter, kissed him, bade him good-bye, and before he had gone a hundred rods, took a seat in Bob Styles' light wagon, which had driven up to the back door as Mr. Lee drove away. As for the pic-nic excursion, we had a delightful sail down to the grove, but somehow, I could not enjoy it as much as I ought ito have done. When I walked on board the boat I felt awkward, as if everybody was looking at me. I found Mr. Bimby, as I had suspected, a young and rising lawyer, mighty in Blaekstone and his opinion. He insisted on paying for my ticket (the boat was a regular excursion packet), and purchasing enough oranges, pears, and candies, to set up a street stand. Four or five times I was on the point of swearing at his impudent officiousness, but bit my tongue just in time to prevent exposure. But it was not with him that I found my role the hardest to play. No : the young ladies were the difficult ones to deceive. For instance, there was one among them, a beautiful girl of seventeen, just returned from boarding school, who had not seen Maggie Lee for three years. Of course she was delighted to see me when she found out that I was Maggie, which by the way, did not occur until we had started. She threw herself into my arms, pulled niy veil aside, and kissed mo half a dozen times, in a manner that made my finger ends tingle for half an hour. It was all very nice, but if I had been in propria persona, I would have liked it better. As it wa3, I felt as it' I were " obtaining goods under false pretences," and that Bimby might issue a warrant for my arrest on that ground at any moment. A whole knot of crinoline then surrounded me on the upper deck of the boat, to the utter exclusion and consequent disgust of the other gentlemen. I kept very quiet, only speaking in monosyllables, in a falsetto voice ; but the others — Lord bless you., how they gabbled ! Under a strict promiso of secrecy, the little boarding school maiden, who had kissed me affectionately, revealed all her love affairs, and also became unpleasantly confidential about other matters — innocent enough in themselves, but not customarily talked of between ladies and gentlemen. I was terribly embarrassed, but it would not do to give up. As soon as my trick should become known, Bob Stylos' trick would also come out ; and as news of that kind travels fast in the country, he and his lady-love would be telegraphed and followed before they could reach Philadelphia, where the Styles family lived, and where the knot, was to be tied. The river breeze was very fresh where we slept, and I noticed that several of the ladies were glancing uneasily at me. I couldn't divine the reason, until Jenny, my little friend from the boarding school, put her face dangerously close to mine and whispered : — " My dear Maggie, jour dress is blowing up terribly high — your ancles will be town talk with the gentlemen!" Now I was conscious of having a very small foot for a man, and had donned a pair of open-work stockings which came nearby up to my waist, with a pair of gaiters, borrowed from a servant girl, in all of which toggery ray "running gear" looked quite feniiuiue and respectable ; i

but the idea of the gentlemen talking about my ancles, and of being cautioned by a young girl, who would have been frightened to death if I had told her the same thing yesterday, was too much for; mo. I burst into a sort of strangulated laugh, which I could only check by swallowing half of my little filagree laceredged handkerchief. The young ladies all looked at me, in apparent astonishment at such a voice, and I wanted to laugh all the more. Fortunately Mr. Bimby came to my rescue at that moment, and edged himself in among the crinoline. " May I sit here ?" he asked, pointing to a low stool near him. "Certainly," I simpered, in my high falsetto. "Ah, thank you," said Bimby — with a lackadaisical air which nauseated me, as coming from one man to the other — " you are as kind as you are fascinating !" " You flatter me !" "I ? jSTo, indeed ; praise of you cannot be flattery, Miss Lee. ' " Oh, sir, really you are a very naughty man," I said, in the most feminine tone I could command. He cast a languishing glance at me, through the black lace veil, and I fairly began to fear for his feelings. We soon arrived at the grove, and found our band — engaged beforehand — awaiting us. Of course dancing was the first amusement, and lawyer Bimby led me out for a schottishe. It was hard at first. for me to take the lady's part in the dance, but I soon got accustomed to it. When a waltz was proposed I resolved to have a little amusement at the expense of the unfortunate Bimby. v . I had at first made him purposely jealous by dancing with two other youeig fellows, one of whom I knew in my tiwn character, but who never suspected me as» Maggie Lee. This young man, who was va great woman-killer — a sort of easy, devil-may-care rascal, who made the ladies run after him by his alternate warmth of action and coolness of protestation — I selected to "play off" against my legal admirer. I allowed him to hold me very closely and occasionally looked at him. with a half fascinated expression. When we stopped dancing he led me to a seat, keeping his arm around my waist, and I permitted it. Having thus stirred Bimby up to feats of wrathful valour, I asked one of the gentlemen to direct the musicians to play a waltz. Bimby came immediately. " Ahem — a — Miss Lee, shall I — a, have the honour of — a — trying a waltz with you ?" I smiled a gracious acquiescence, and we commenced. jN t ow, lam an old stager in waltzing, I can keep it up longer than any non-pro-fessional dancer, male or female, whom I have ever met. As long as the Cacmicha or Schoenbrunnen ring in my ears, I can go it for a year. Not so with Bimby. He pleaded want of practice and acknowledged that he soon got dizzy. " Aha, old boy," thought I, "I'll give you a turn then." But T only smiled, and said that. " I should probably get tired first." " O yes !" he exclaimed, "of course I can waltz as long as any one lady, but not tnuch longer." For the first three minutes my cavalier did well. He went on smoothly and evenly, but at the expiration of that time began to grow warm. Five minutes elapsed, and Bimby's breath became harder. On wo went, however, and I scorned to notice his slackening up at every round, when he passed my seat. After some ten or twelve minutes the wretched man gasped out between his steps — " Ah, a — are you not — get — getting tired ?" "Ohno !" I burst forth as coolly as if I were riding round the room — " Oh no, I feel as if I could waltz all night." The look of despair that he gave was terrible to see. I was bound to see him through, however, and we Icopt at it. Bimby staggered and made steps in all directions. His shirt collar drooped, his eyes protruded, his jaws hung down ; and, altogether, I saw he could not hold out much longer. "This is delightful," I said enthusiastically ; " and you, Mr. Bimby, waltz so easily." " Puff — puff — ah ! puff — yes — oh — very delightful," gasped he. " Don't you think it ought to go a little faster ?" He rolled his eyes heavenward in agony. « Ah ! puff— puff— l don't— ah ! puff— don't know." But when we neared the musicians, I said, " Faster, if you please — faster !" and they played a la whirlwind. Poor Bimby threw his feet about like a pacer, and revolved after the manner of a teetotum which has nearly run down. At last he staggered a step backwards, and spinning eccentrically away from me, he pitched headlong into the midst of a bevy of ladies in the corner. I turned round coolly, walked to my seat, and sent the young woman-killer for a glass of icewater. The miserable lawyer recovered his senses just in time to see me thank his rival for the water. I got some idea, from this, of the fun young ladies find in tormenting us poor devils of the other sex. At this juncture, and before Mr. Bimby had time to apologise for this accident, little Jennie came running into the pavilion which served as a ball room. As she came near, I perceived that her hands were clutched tightly in her dress, and I positively shuddered, as she whispered to me — "Oh Maggie ! come and help me fix my skirts — they are all coming down !" What should Ido ? I was in agony. A cold perspiration broke out upon my forehead. I wished myself a thousand miles awa3 r , and anathematized Bob Styles' masquerading project inwardly, with fearful maledictions. I said I was tired out — could not somebody else go ? ISo, nothing would do, but I must accompany her to the house of a gentleman who owned the grove, and assist her to arrange her clothing. So I went. What if it should be necessary to remove the greater part of her raiment P What if she shoiild wish me to do some sewing ? What if, in the midst of all the embarrassment of being closeted with a beautiful girl of seventeen in a state of comparative freedom from drapery, my real sex and identity should be discovered by her ! However, I nerved myself up for the task, and accompanied Jennie to the house designated. An old lady showed us into the chamber, and Jennie, heaving a sigh of relief, let go her dress. As she did so, a — pardon my blushes — a petticoat fell to the floor. She was about to proceed, but I alarmed her by a sudden and vehement gesture. " Stop !" I cried frantically, and forgetting my falsetto, " stop ! don't undress, for God's sake !" Sho opened her great brown eyes to their widest extent. "And why not?" " Because I am— l am— a— -canyou,keep - < a secret ?"

. ; '■«,< Why yes — how frightened y<Mi look ! f.ljfhy what is the matter ? — Maggie— you >', — - why— -oh !oh! !oh ! ! ! And she gave, three fearful screams. ■"■ "Hush, no noise, or lam lost !" I cx- : claimed, putting my hands over her mouth. "*' I swear I mean no harm ; if I had 1 -would not have stopped you. Don't you seeP" She was air of a tremble, poor little 'thing ! : but she saw the force of my argument. " Oh, sir," she said, " I see you are a man, but what does it all mean J Why did you dress so ?" I told her the story as briefly as possible and exacted from her a promise of the most sacred secrecy. I then went outside the door, and waited till she had arranged her dress, when she called me in again. She had heard of me from Maggie and others, and wanted to hear all the particulars. So we went down and had a. long talk, which ended in a mutual feeling of friendliness and old acquaintanceship quite wonderful for people meeting for the first time. Just as we started" to go back to the pavillion, I said I must relieve my mind of a burden. " And what is that ?" "Those kisses. You thought I was Maggie Lee, or you would not have given them. They were very sweet, but I suppose I must give them back." And I did. She blushed a good deal, but she didn't resist, only when I got through she glanced nip timidly, and said — "I think you are very naughty." When we returned, I found lawyer Bimby quite, recovered from his dizziness, and all ready for supper, which was served :up inth*rß~allroom. I sat between Bimby ancUESnnie, and made love to both of them in tJurn ; to one as Maggie Lee, and the .-tfther as myself. After supper, at which I '~ astonished several by eating rather more heartily than young ladies generally do, we had more dancing, and I hinted pretty strongly to Mr. Bimby that I should like to try another waltz. He didn't take the hint. Finding it rather dry amusement to dance with my own kind, I soon abandoned that pleasure and persuaded Jennie to stroll out into the moonlight with me. We found a grove, a charming place, full of picturesque little corners, and^rustic seats, and gray rocks leaning out over the river. On one of these latter, a bench was placed in a nook sheltered from the wind and. from sight. Here we sat down in the full flood of the moonlight, and having just had dinner, I felt wonderfully in need of a cigar. Accordingly, I went back to a little stand near the ball room and purchased several from the staring women who sold refreshments. Then returning to the seats by the rocks, I gave up all cares or fears oi my incognito, and revelled in pleasures oi solitude — the fragrance of my cigar — the moonlight — and little Jennie's presence. How long we sat there Heaven only knows. We talked, and laughed, and .sang, and looked in each other's eyes, and told fortunes, and performed all sorts oi nonsensical operations common amongst young people just falling in love with each other, and might have remained there until this month of August, in the year ol our Lord 1858, for ought I know, had not the carriage been sent for to carry us home, and the rest of the company began to wondlr where we were. This wonder begat questions, the questions, fears, and the fears a search, headed by the valiant Bimby. They called and looked and listened^ but our position down in the sheltered nook among the rocks, prevented their hearing us or we them. „ f At length they hit upon our path, and all came along, single file, until they got to the open space above. I was spread out in a free and easy position, my bonnet off, and my hair somewhat ioxizled up. One foot rested on the ground, and the oilier on a rock, about the level of my head (regardless of ancles this time), and there I sat puffing away, in a very unladylike manner, at a highflavoured Concha. Jennie was sitting close beside me, with her head almost on my shoulder, and her small waist almost encircled by my arm. Just as the party came along above us, I laughed out in a loud masculine voice — " Just think of that poor what's-his-name there — Bimby. Suppose he knew he had been making love to a man !" " Hush !" cried Jennie. " Look ! there he is. And oh, my gracious, there is the whole company !" Yes, we were fairly caught. It was of no use for me to clap on my bonnet and assume falsetto again — they had seen too much for that. Besides, by this time Bob Styles and Maggie Lee were doubu less " one flesh," and my disguise was of no further importance, so I stood up and told the story. . Lawyer Jbimby was in a terrible rage. He vowed to kill me, and even " squared off," but the rest of the party laughed at him unmercifully, and suggested that we should waltz it out together, so he finally cooled down and slunk away,' to take some private conveyance back to J) . Bob Styles and I are living in a large double house together. He often says he owes his wife to my masquerading, but that he feels under no obligation to me, for I owe my wife to the same thing. N.B. — My wife's name is Jennie.