HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

Hawera Star, Volume LIV, 2 March 1935, Page 14

HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

lie saw her sitting in the darkened room. Noiselessly lie stole up behind her, and before she was aware of his presence lie had kissed her. “How dare you,” she screamed. “Pardon me!” he bluffed readily, “but I thought you were my sister.” “Ass!” she exclaimed, “X am your sister.” *****

Boy: Please doctor, come to our house, quick. Doctor: Why, who’s ill? Boy: Everybody but me. I was naughty and they wouldn’t let me have any of the mushrooms father brought hnmo from the wood.

Entering a public-house, an elderly man ordered a whisky and soda, and was about to drink it when he looked up and noticed a painter at work upon the walls. Immediately the customer went out without touching the drink. The painter climbed down the ladder and lifted the customer’s glass. “Hi!” said the barman. “You can’t do that. That chap will be back in a minute, I expect.” “Ob, no, ’e won’t,” said the painter. “You see, he’s president of our local temperance society. . - and I’m the secretary.” *****

“I can’t marry him, mother, lie’s an atheist, and doesn’t believe there is a Hell.”

“Marry him, my dear, and between us we’ll convince him that he’s wrong.

Two men stood talking in the garden of a. mental home. One said : “It is a crying shame to keep me here. 1 am perfectly sane and I have been hero for five years.” The other man replied: “I am quite sane, too, and I have been kept here for nine years. Let’s go and see the Governor about it. .First, to make sure, I’ll give you a test.” Putting Ins hands behind his back, he asked: “What have I got in my left hand?”

The other replied: “A tramcar.” “Ha, you’re cheating. You must have looked.”

The new recruit passed by the officer without saluting.

“Here, my man,” called the officer, “do you see this uniform I’m Avearing?” “Yes,” replied the recruit, as he canto forward and inspected the officer’s uniform, “but tvhy tvorry? Book at the darn thing they have given me.” *****

Foreman: What is all. that arguing about doAvn the road ?

Labourer (indignantly): "Why t]io steam roller driver wants us to call him a. chauffeur.

The bride tottered up the aisle on the arm of. hen father, Avho Avas Avheeled in his armchair by three of his great-grandchildren. She Avas arrayed in AA'hite, and she carried a big bouquet of AA-hito rosebuds; her hair, though grey, Avas bobbed, and she smiled and nodded to acquaintances.

The groom Avas able to walk unaided with the assistance of tAVo handsome mahogany crutches. His bead Avas bald his false teeth chattered a .little, nervously. Tliev were, the only couple aa-lioi Jiao Avaited until they could afford to get married. • #■•■***

A crowd Avas watching a kerbside artist. After a few juggling tricks he exclaimed- “Nah, folks, comes me last act. I does it wiv me magic cap. Watch closely. As soon as 1 picks it orf the ground an’ slioavs it to one part of mo audience the other part disappears ”