BACKFIRES

Hawera Star, Volume L, 17 May 1930, Page 13

BACKFIRES

A Preventive.- —-Robinson said to iiis friends: “I met my wife in a very funny way. I ran over her in my ear and later married her.” Brown: “if everybody had to do that there would not be so much reckless driving.” T'ell it to Einstein. —First Motorist: I drove so fast that the trees appeared like a fence. Second ditto: I drove so that the milestones made a stone wall. Third ditto: I went so fast that 1 could, see the number on the back of my car. ***** The gentleman who had sustained concussion in a motoring accident at length recovered and reached the chatty stage. ‘‘Do. you know,” said his nurse, ‘‘we are only able to keep you alive by giving you brandy every three lvoum ?” ‘‘just my luck,” groaned the victim, ‘‘and L was unconscious all the time.” ***** In Parts.—Lawyer: ‘‘Was the man you found under the street car a total stranger?” Witness (who had been told to be careful): ‘‘No, sir, his arm and leg were gone; be was only a partial stranger.” * « * # * Constable (a,bout to take particulars) ‘‘You’ll catch it for this. Miss They’ll endorse your license for certain.” Young Lady- Scorcher: ‘‘But they can’t. Constable. I haven't got one! ***** Mrs. Jones: “Has your baby learned to walk yet?” Mrs. Smith: “Heavens, nod Why, he’s just learning to drive the car.” Henry and Sylvia were out driving. Henry had one arm around Sylvia, when the car hit a bump and skidded. “Oh, Henry,” gasped Sylvia, “use two hands!” “Can’t,” said Henry grimly. “Got to drive with one!” • # r, » * Her lips quivered as they approached mine. My whole frame trembled as I looked in her eyes. Her body shook] with intensity as our lips met, and I could feel my chest heaving, my chin vibrating, and my body shuddering as I held her to me. The moral of all this is: Never kiss her in a Ford car with the engine going. * * * * * Information. —A motorist who was notorious for speeding was called to the telephone. “Tell me,” said a. feminine voice over the line, “are you going down the High Street this morning in your car?” “No,” replied the astonished motorist. “But why do you ask?” “Oh, that’s all right!” came in relieved tones. “I only wanted to know if it would be safe to send my little girl to the draper’s for a reel of cotton.” ***** Stranger: “I represent a society for the prevention of profanity. I want to take profanity entirely out of your life and”— — Jones (calling to his wife): “I say, Mary, here’s a man who wants to buy our car!” ***** A motorist suggests that a list of safety-first hints for pedestrians should be displayed on all cars. Placed under the chassis they could be read as the traffic passes- over you. “Punch. * * * * * "“Would you be good enough to look after my car while I go into the store?” „ , . , ~ “Sir! I am Mayor of this town. “That doesn’t matter. You look to me to be an honest man!" ***** “Beware, of the old ones,” was Mr. G. Bernard Shaw’s laconic reply when asked to contribute a _ few words of advice to novice motorists. ***** Mary: “It took Jack twenty lessons to teach me to drive.” Ann: “The wretch. He taught nre in four.” # “What is the present generation driving at?” asks a contemporary. “About 50 miles per hour, I should imagine,” is a pertinent reply. * * • * * * How It- Is Done.—“ Have you heard how tlie motor ear has lengthened in the United States?” _ “Prevents over-exertion, I suppose?” “Not that so much; hut it s cut down the deaths from old age about eightv per cent.” * * * * “Am I to understand,” asked the prosecuting counsel, “that you deny having exceeded the speed limit in this town?” “Certainly,” replied the motorist, with indignation. “What is it?”

The Wife: “Before we were married you said you woidd buy me a motor car, and 'tliab you were well off.” Hubbie: “I'was, and didn’t realise how well off.”

What some of us need is move horsepower and not so much exhaust. * - * *■ *

The old, old question, “How old was Anne?” has been replaced by a new one, “What model is Lizzie?” * * * * *

Dentist (extracting a nail from a tyre of his car): “Quiet, now. You won’t even feel this.’ • * » * *

Nothing works out light. In a town where vou can park as long as you want to there is no reason why you should want to.