TRICKY WHAKA

Hawera Star, Volume L, 10 April 1930, Page 9 (Supplement)

TRICKY WHAKA

(Written for the “Star” by D. J. Hughes.)

Yes, Whaka was his name and he was as full of tricks as 'an eighteen-vear-'old girl is who lias many lovers. Whaka was a full blooded Maori, well known in Taranaki as the greatest character of his time. Cracking jokes and drinking pulled him around each time. AVliat is termed “Giving up the Ghost ” is a trait of the Maori. If he gets it into his head the “Atua” (God) is calling him he turns his face to the wall and dies. There are many stories one could unfold in 'connection with this Mark Twain (Maori, and I shall attempt herein to record a few of them. One afternoon ho was at the bar of a hotel with two of his boon pakeha friends called Roger and Jim. It was just before 'Christmas time. “I say, Jim and Logo, you like to goose for Kiismiss?” ‘ ‘ Yes, we do. ’ ’ “Well, you -shout me to two gallon beer and one fellow you have te shot ar my goose twenty yard away.’' “ Right Oli! Whaka, next Sunday we came.” The hvo pakehas duly arrived and Whaka made a mark on the ground and

measured off twenty yards. He then brought up about thirty geese by calling them in the Maori way._ Corn was spread on the ground and Whaka stood hack. ‘.Now you follow, you ready?’’ s “Yes,” they said. Roger let a yell and ran at the geese.' They immediately flapped their wings and started to fly when bang goes'Jim’s both barrels at. .cnee. Geese flopping everywhere. “Bv gorry you chap win, what for vou frighten the goose, Logo no good that. Well 1 count him.” One, two, up to nine he goes, tnvo more badly w cun nee matting eleven in all. “You follow too strong, eleven geese, four bob each, two gallon beer, six bob. No good for Whaka.” Then he slowly starts turning over

I lie dead geese and examining their feet. .. . “By gorry Logo, Jim, me win, only two my goose. ?? “How do you know?” they said. “Only two got, the earmark on the foot, him mine,” said Whaka, “worry bad luck for to other Maori.” A young Maori woman lost her husband' and had many suitors for remarriage. She finally fined them down to two. She couldn’t decide which to take and Whaka was asked to decide it ’for her. As she and her people had great mana in the pa, my astute trickster had to be careful. He called all the inhabitants of the place out on the road and told them in a glowing speech that lie was deciding upon the husband. The old women, men. youths' and maidens were on tip-

too (With excitement. Whaka posted ouc suitor at a telegraph post and the other at the. next post. He then stepped off half-way and put the prospective bride in the centre. Next he pointed out to her one lover and gave an oration on his excellence. He did the same for the other lover.

Then he turned to her and said. “Now, you walk to the one you want.” She stood undecided i for a few minutes, when one of them shifted his pose and she caught the red colour of a tassel he wore for a belt. That decided it and she walked to him. All women, black, white and brown, like colours.

There mere two hotels in the town which iny noble dark friend patronised. One day he rolled into one and called for a long pint of ale. The barman put it on the bar, but kept his hand .on the pewter. Whaka delves his hand into his pocket and brings out a coin. Thinking the money was coming the barman relaxes the glass. Whaka. takes it and deposits a threepenny piece on the counter. ‘‘Here give me another threepence” —more fossicking in pockets, no result. “By korry, boss, I worry sorry, no more utu, nebber mind I pay three eoppa next time I get my rent for the lan ’. ” “Here, take your threepence back and go up to Brady’s Hotel and try the same trick on him.” ‘No fear boss, I been him and do it, and he roll me come down here and do vou. ’ ’

I don’t know how many children Whaka had, but I know during his forty years of life he had at different times eight to ten wives. He had a cunning way of getting rid of them too. It was always done without- any regrets nr disappointments on either side. He would have been an invaluable man to act as advisor to Henry VIII, had he lived in that time. One time four of us were trying to count the children he buried. We were all farmers and counted ufp to sixteen deaths of piccaninnies. The method of Whaka was to approach our wives and weave them a tale of his loss and how his poor wife was (worrying for a tang'i. It would be a disgrace to them if they didn’t have one and they had no money, etc., etc. Our wives would then approach us in his aid and in talking it over one day we four reckoned we had bestowed upon him at least sixteen fat cows for children’s tangis.

One time Whaka worked a clever little swindle on a Waikato Maori, iwhom lie had a “set” on. He bought from a Pakeha forty acres of fungus, which grows profusely on the white wood (Mahoe) when it is felled about three years. This paddock was a. corner one. Me picked all the. fungus except about two chains around the edge. He then stationed all his children around the edges and let his' buyer examine the fungus. Got the cash'on the spot and laughed and ridiculed the buyer when he found out how he had been had. The only time I knew him to come out the wrong side of the ledger tvras when lie exhibited a Maori boy in one of our towns at one shilling' entrance fee. This boy had been bittett on The calf of the leg by a very large eel. There was great interest in the affair of the eel’s attack at the time and Whaka thought people would pay to see the wound and an imaginary description of the size of the eel. but it did not work out as expected. 'Only a few strangers look the bait as Whaka was well known locally. He had a large crowd -of Maoris in the river trying to catch this monster eel, where a loi of boys were swimming when the attack look place, but the tuna was never caught. * * * - * *

There was groat amusement on a salt' day in one of our towns for half-an-hour. Drink had been taken to one of the pas and the local constable had enlisted his superior officer, the sergeant. from headquarters to' liis aid. \\ hnka was crossing the street when he was hailed by them. Maori like, he stood at- the call if or them to come to him, but when he saw the uniforms he came over.

“Ha. what you fellow want?” “We want to know, Whaka, if you know of any drink going to your pa.” “Yes, some kai beer he been my pa.” The sergeant, “Get out your note book, constable.” “What sort of drink?” “Oh, the beer.” “What brand?” “Te Speight beer, I think.” “When did it go to the pa?” “Saturday.” “What time?” “Before the pub closed.” “Who took it there?” “Mo, I take him.”

“Where .did you get the boor?” “The pub over there, what all the korero? What the good talk me like this? Von fellow too much, the humbug. I take it the beer, but I take him m my puku (stomach). Who the fella bring the plobitron New Zealand. T think him to waliino. ” A good crowd had gathered at this juncture and .we all roared with laughter, which highly edified Whaka, who was stringing the policeman on till he had an audience.