HOTCH=POTCH.

Hawera Star, Volume XLVII, 16 June 1928, Page 18

HOTCH=POTCH.

Host: “Have a cigar?” Guest: “No, thanks, 1 don’t smoke.” Host: “Have a drink?” Guest: “1 really don’t drink.” Host: “Maybe you’d like to go into the ballroom and dance a bit.” Guest: “Sorry, but 1 don’t dance either.” Host (.desperately): “Well, my wife has a ball of yarn and some .needles ; perhaps yoil’d like to knit a little.” \ Scotsman and bis wife had just returned from an excellent holiday on the Kheria. They were praising to a friend tiie excellent hotel at Monte Carlo in which they had stayed. ‘That’s very interesting,” observed the visitor, “I’d like the name of that hotel because I’m thinking of taking a run over there myself.” The Scot thought for a Jong time, then said, “Man, 1 can’t remember off-hand what the name of it is. Just wait a minute till 1 have a look through our towels.” The Prime Minister of England is not averse from telling a story again sit himself, n-s the following incident shows. in a- certain film recently released he was filmed by consent, and the company presented him with a. copy. A short while back Mr. Baldwin had some friends staying with bimi at Astley Hall, his country seat in Worcestershire. an,d it was decided to show -the picture. When the apixiraituts: was .fixed up it was found that a new carbon was required. So Mr. Baldwin motored into Kiddermintsor and called at- a picture palace. At the pay-box he asked the girl if lie could see the manager. “No. von cannot.” he replied. “H>3 won’t see travellers in the evenings.”

Tore? aitisg-s were telling tall stories of their work. "The other day,” said one, “I painted a deal tioard in imitation marble with such efleet' that it sank immediately when thrown into water.” ••That’s nothing,” said another. “Yesterday 1 hung a thermometer on the easel supporting my- picture of the Polar Regions and it fell at once to twenty degrees below zero.” ■•Go on,” remarked the third. “My portrait of a millionaire was so realistic that it had to be shared every morning.” A golfer, who was not particularly good at tn-e game, made his approach sno':. It was a blind hole and was also rather short. The caddie, iust visible over the intervening knoll, gi-stiou.lut-ed wildy for a moment. "What- is it?” said the player, coming up the green. " r-jv.lve holed out,” sad the caddie “Dune it in two!” Sure enough, the ball was down. The player gave the caddie half a crown. The next day every man who went out with that caddie did the same hole, in two ! In the early days of the World War the onner m charge of a British post, deep in the heart of Africa, received a wireless message from his chief. “War declared. Arrest all enemy aliens in your district.” A lew days later the chief received this communication: “Have arrested seven Germans, three Belgians, four Spaniards, five Frenchmen, a couple of Swedes, an Argentinian, and an American. Please inform me with whom we are at war.