HOTCH POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVII, 19 May 1928, Page 7

HOTCH POTCH

.Happened iii High Street, llawera. ■Businessman A to -Businessman B on their meeting: “Why, Bill, what’s the matter; you look very down in the mouth?” “Do 1? Well the fact is that 1 am just off to the uoctor, Tom.” “.Nothing really serious 1 hope, Bill.” “Might oe, Tom, I don’t like the look or' my wife, so I’m going to see the doctor.” “Righto, Bill, I’ll go with you, L hate the sight of mine.” * n * ' «* * Two newly-arrived visuitor'er in Flonida, wen e breakfast. One wanted grapefruit, bacon, eggs, pancakes and eolice; the other, who came front Boston, said. ‘‘l will have the 1 some, but witu the eggs' eliminated.” The negro waiter floated away, only to return with an apologetic smile, “l’se powerful sorry, boss, but ive kaint fix you deni aigs thiis: mawnin’*. De cook’s done brack the handle of the eliminator and he kaint get a new one till nex’ Friday!”

lutarruptor (to clergyman addressing open-air meeting): ‘‘Do you really believe that Jonah lived three days and three nights in the belly of the whale?” C’ergvmaii: “When I git to heaven I’ll ask him.” Interrupter: “And snppose you don’t And Jonah, in heaven?’; Clergyman: “Then you can ask him.” *r * * • •* * “Glad to see you getting in on time these mornings Mr Slowe,” said the manager. “Yes, sir; I’ve got a. parrot now.” “A parrot. Wlia'b for? 1 advised your to get an alarm clock.” “1 did sir, but after a. few mornings I got used to it, and it failed 1 to wake me. So 1 got a parrot, and now when I retin? I hang the alarm clock over his cage. It wakes the parrot,, and wliai the bird says would wake anybodv.” * * * * A confirmed punter having lost a lot of money on the gees was kept very short by his wife. But one day, receiving an extra-special cast-iron certainty. he went to her and begged a pound. “Let me back just this one dead snip,” he pleaded. “I promise you faithfully it will he the last.” “Oh. yes,” said the lady resignedly, “it’ll be the last all right.”

'I he young married couple were having ;f disagreement while awaiting lunch at a modest Soho eating-house. The lady, it appeared, was grumbling because they were unable to afford the luxurious restaurants which had been feature of their honeymoon. “You can’t have a brass band everywhere you go,” said the male crossly. “Oh. yes, 1 can,” snapped the girl. ' “I’ve got it with me now . . . on my finger.” Wife: “What is it, dear? Static?” Husband: “Or perhaps a contralto!” * * * Young Lady (gazing into fireplace): “Do you ever see pictures in the fire? ’’ 'Cynical Art Critic: “No —but I’ve seen many that ought to he.” * ’ * *• * «■ A salesman, tired after a day of calling on hard-hearted business men, was awakened by a figure that marched up to the side of his bed. “Beg iPard’n,” mumbled the intruder, thought it was m’ room.” Dropping off to sleep, the tired fra-, voller was again awakened by the self ) same drunk. Again the refreshed one apologised and reeled out of the door. When the occurrence was again repeated, the traveller was prepared to give the soak a piece of his mind but the drunk was himself in a rage. “Look here!” he roared, “do you sleep in every room in the house?” * ¥■ ' * * * With high hopes the commercial traveller called on a tradesman. They liad never done business before, but a friend had supplied the introduction. ‘•‘.May I snow you niv samples?” asked the traveller. “Certainly” answered the merchant, and watched his visitor produce a surprisingly large selection of -various articles from an insignificant bag. The traveller pointed out their merits, and then waited. “Well, there’s only one thing I want,” said the dealer; and the other, overjoyed at opening a new account, whipped out his notebook. “Yes, sir,” he cried, “and wliat is that?” : “I want to see how you’re going to get all those samples back into that bag,” was the astounding, answer.

The ear, had broken down, and the pair of legs protruding from underneath seemed to indicate that repairs were in progress. “Had a breakdown?” inquired a passerby. “Oli, no, only playing hide aiid seek with the works,” came a muffled voice from underneath" the car. But the questioner was not easily daunted. “What power car is it?” “[Forty horse.” “What’s Wrong with it?” “ Well, as far as I know,” came the answer, “thirty-nine horses have bolted, and the remaining one is too upset to answer questions:” ■if * 4f * * wi’ a we© Dench and Doris? Visitor (thirstily): Fine, mon! 'MacPherson: A tlibcht ye wad! like it. A’ve the record 'here, an’ a’ll let ye have. it. * * if * * A certain grumpy clergyman made his home, life almost unbearable. His wife, however, rarely complained; and .seldom did anything that would bring on one of h.is tantrums. Emerging from deep thought one day, lie said :“I often wonder .when I am in heaven how I shall get my coat on over my wings.” Whereupon his wife regarded hjm silently for some moments, und' then replied “You need not worry about that. Youir difficulty will be getting on your trousers over you r tail.”