HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVII, 17 March 1928, Page 8

HOTCH-POTCH

An Aberdonian observed a. brass plate on a Louse which stated tliu+ b certain Professor of Economics gave lectures. The subject seemed very near to his heart, so he went in and asked for one. The Professor bade the visitor be seated, and turned out the lights, which prompted the Aberdonian to inquire the reason.

“There is no need to have lights while we are talking,’’ replied the Professor, and proceeded with his lecture.

Presently, hearing a rustling sound, lie inquired of the Aberdonian what was the matter.

“I am only taking off my ibreeks, ’’ was the reply. “There is nae need to wear them oot in the dark.’’

Juan: “Last night Jack told me looked good enough to eat!’’ Jane: '“Yes, Jack is fond of plai food. ’ ’ George: “Wlhat would you do if kissed you?’’ Grace: “I’d call grandma—dear ol grandma, who is so very deaf. ’' Being in love is just like ski jump ing. First you are up in the air an then you come down to earth with jar. But, oh, wh'at a thrill von ge while you are still up in the air! • A girl was asked to write an ess a on “'Man,’’ and submitted the follow ing: “Man is what woman has t marry. He drinks, smokes, swears an doesn’t igo to church. .Both sprati from the apes, but woman sprang th farthest.” “By the way, Mrs Po pic in's ’ ’ remarl oil the vicar after service, “I wa extremely sorry to see your husban leave the church in the middle of m sermon. I trust nothing rvas serious! tlie matter with him.” “Oh, no, sir,” replied Mrs Popk'in: “It was nothing serious; but you see sir. the poor man do ’ave a terribl ’a bit o’ walking in his .sleep. ” Visitor: “Po you find .poultry keep ing.pays?” Farmer: “Well, no, I can’t say i pays me, but it pays inv son, Mike.” Visitor: ‘ ‘ How's that ?’ ’ Farmer: “Well, you see, 1 bough him the fowls, I have to pay for the'i keep, and buy the eggs from him an. he eats them. ’ ’ \ i An American was showing a Scot: man the Niagara Falls. “Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it wor derful? ’’ he said. There was a pause, and the the Scots man' replied: — “For bonny, I’ll no’ say. As for Ivon derfu’, I once saw a peacock at Pec bles wi’ a wooden leg.’’ During the performance in New Yorl of a farce the actress impersonatin: the cook was called upon to speak tli line: “I wish to give notice.” One evening, just as she had don so. an excited lady in the front toy called out: “I shall be glad to engag; you at 15^dollars a week and two even ings out.” A slightly hilarious gentleman at ; Now Year’s party had mistaken!' thrown his arms about a totally strangi woman. He hastened to apologise. “’iSeuse me, madam,” he gasped “I thought you were my wife. ’’ “You’re a fine husband for any ivo man to have, you brute!” exclaimeflie lady, angrily. “There, y’see!” ejaculated the gen tiemail, triumphantly, “you talk jus' like her. too.” “Don't talk to me. lhy dear,” suit 'Mr Su'bub firmly. “I. say it is a ver\ good thing for servants to go 'to tlu theatre sometimes. It makes them re turn more happily to their work; it als r teaches them how to conduct them selves. ’ ’ “■Mary,” he said to the housemaid “here is a ticket for the theatre to night. You must go and enjoy your s'cTT. ’ ’ '“lt was lovely,” said Mary hex: morning, when they questioned her on her evening out. “Did you really enjoy it?” inquired Mr Subub. smiling triumphantly at his wife.

“I did indeed, sir. It was splendid, You should Lave heard that there sergeant girl in the play sauce her missus." A young girl who wa a being taught to play bridge .proved a very intractable learner. The expert trio could net induce her to understand the most rudimentary tactics, She made a bid. tic next player passed, when her partner said in an explanatory tone. “Now, T’.m .going to tube you out.” “Thank Heaven for that,” said the young lady rising with alacrity, “I- was fed up with this game anyway.” There was a row in an East End public house. The parties involved were a diminutive professional boxer and a gigantic navvy. “'Go on.” sa'id the boxer’s friend's, “don’t you stand any lip off’n him. ’lt 'ini.” The pugilist looked at his stalwart aggressor and said tjuickly: “Wot! Wif no purse and no gate mono v. No <bloomin ’ fear.” A bon viveur received as a 'Christmas gift a bottle of very fine old port. He had a frightful wrestle with the cork. His language was appropriate to the oeeasioD. His wife observed quietly, ‘What are you opening that bottle with George?” And he responded irascibly. “.With a corkscrew, of course. What did you think I was opening it with?” “Well,” said the lady, “.judging from your comments, I thought you were opening it with a prayer.” At a horse Ruction a weedy-looking brute was led into the riug. The gen-' tieman on the rostrum let himself go a little in describing its virtues. “Leak gents,” he said, “here’ s a tine little hunter. He is stronger than lie looks, and game, too. My word* there’s lot a, fence in Leicestershire lie’s refused. Got some of the best blood in England in him, too. IHandsome, mettlesome, fearless, that wot’s he is. Now. what am I bid for him?” 'Pause —then a tired voice: '“Two-ten.” “Thank you, sir,” said the auctioneer with alacrity. “He’s yours.”