THE STANDARD TELEPHONE

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume III, Issue 384, 30 November 1889, Page 2

THE STANDARD TELEPHONE

Taking advantage of the visit to the district of Mr Bold, Inspector of Telsgrabi, tbs Standard Company has arranged tor special telephonic communication with leading and misleading men in the district. Here goes for the maiden effort : — W-h-r-r, What do you want ? Mr Arthur, if you please. No use, he's out on ths wallaby. Must have him. You're haagedfimpußnt; are you an elector ? Yes. Ob, I beg your ptrdon • all right, I'll fetch him.

Who the deuce are you ? The Gisborne Standard, sir. Tae d Didn’t think you’d have the face to speak to me again. pitew I Never oh) act to speak ta anyone at election times. Like tha candidates, you know. Go to Good morning 1 Hold on ; I want to ask you a few questions. Why didn't you do it at the meeting ? Too nervous; have soma mercy. Look sharp, then ; bias's away. You said at the meeting there were only two classes in New Zealand—working men and loafers. What do you call lbs squatters? Working men of course. H’m—the bankers ? Not loafers, unfortunately. Absentee squatters ? They're not in New Zealand, yoa danderhead. Oh ! I beg pardon; theyr'a a foreign advertisement agency, are they not ? Dear ad J , eh ?

Oh I there friends in need. Friends indeed ! What are you ? That'sj'puional. I nersr.Jtatk about myself. Don't you ?J "Well, you should hear what others say about you ? .What about tbs milts englorious MUton ? Well, It I <li<l say that, it was too dau.sd bad tor ths B»ai«oaiiu io fire tbs rest of the Elegv at me. Why, you don't objwt to Gray, do you ? Wolfe said he’d sooner have written that poem than take Q lebeo. — No, I rather uke Gray; it's that begg ■ Sir Gaorge I'm afraid of—be wants to out n 1 our estates. ' ' ’ I know somebody els. yon ought to bs afraid of. Guess who. No, don't mention his name. Bat you fellows are dashsd rough. A ohsp oan't write a private (letter to a friend Ui|l it is ferrettsd out and exposed. Election times, you know. Duty ta tbs public; if the Btandabo doesn't show thssa thlncs up they’d nsystjbe known. Bleat if I know bow yon got hold of tbosa letters though. Would yon like to ? Rather 1 Our editor is puzzling himself to know who is the best politician, the mm who tails the truth and than says hs is a liar, or the man who waits for somebody site to tall him be', ft—'" Y-iu insulting wretch 1 Don't get excited ! By-

No, no ; do you know what advlos a great man ones gave to a certain party ? Let's hear it. Ha said wtia'evev yeq do don't spread ths truth for that's wbat you're most to tsar, Good morning. Good morning, and———

Hi! Hi 1 the Central 1 Hello ! Mr Fi'e in ? Yes; he and Mr Sandlan’. arejnit chopping up logic, but they're Ilka a j iry on a libel case —one is trying to cmvince the other.—the task is hopeless.' Fetch him along, th in. Wbat are you m iking all the noise about, Mr Standard ? What’s all this fuss the Evening Paitepotis making about you ? Oh 1 it's only a bit of political fa t. But tbey say Rees' crowd put you up the other night, Lies 1 I’ell qv all about it. Well, you see I was rubbing it into Rees a bit, and the chans at the back pretended I was a candidate,Unit of course they wants 1 so mi fun. Wasn't it because they eiw the proprietor of the Herald on the platform ? I didn't think of that; perhaps it was. You used to go for him too, didn’t you ? Yes, I used to tell them a bit of nay mind, but'the hatchet's buried now. Did you notice how they misrepresented Mr DeLsutour's little speech the other night ? Ah, bqt be is a supporter of Mr Baer. And how they I’ doctored ” up Mr Artbar's address ? When you mention it, 1 did. But none of them cap come up to poor Dick. Would yoa like to hear what Fancy says about you ? It it isn’t too rough. We can listen to a squatter, Though we don't admire his style; But human pstienoe can't endure The raspings of a file. Never mind, a file gnaws pretty deep sometimes— Whist 1 Rata I 1 Rats 111 I’ll cleave every bone —w

Ring up the man at the corner, A y, *y> »ir. Any news? Not much; just heard a good joke. Spin it, but cut it short. Mr File and some otners were talking In front Of the Central Squattary, and a oat came along and laid a rat at Mr F. '• feet. ' Rot—l oan't see any joke in that. Neither oou'.d Mr File. How in the name of the oats could he ? You remember the Workiag Men's Pgl|tl< qil Association ( Ye.—Mr Filet wae President. Well, once upon a time Mr Chambers, a straightforward squattsr with no humbug or haw-haw about him, wanted to intsrvisw ths horny-handed sons of toll on behalf of good old Bam Looks, a Straightforward, - honest man who paver wrote prlvatg lettgrg tq influence Judg-, Haug it all—tell us the joke. But you can't sea it unless I tell you the story. Dinner time—oan't watt—bottle it up for some other day. Qb, I say T— did you hear about tbosa working men who are not loafers—the rowing flhapss Those jolly fellows who wers left out in the cold ? The same—they got the cues—it was a mistake, just discovered when tbs Standard cams out—they call them Standard cups. ” ■ Aid are they going to vo’e for ths squat— Ilish ; don't encourage brlb——

Mr H. McKay Come in I Your ear a minute, please I Certainly, How are the Hospital Sports coming off or Monday ? I think tbey will ba a splendid success, Politics won’t Interfere with them? Bather the other way. I think, Wbat, have you been knocking cups oat at th* candidates, too ? No, I don’t mean that. Then what do you mean? It has given us a little cheap advertising. That Patutahi business, sh ? Yes, shows what an interest the country peoQla are taking in the sports and oonosst, How ia the concert coming off ? An assured eucoeas, They say the new singers, Mrs Hennsssy, Mrs Bush, and ths Rev, Father Kehoe, are simply grand to listen to. Tnsre’s no doubt the new talent will taka immensely. i That's right, boom along—we always baok a good object, even at eleotion times. ’

Are you in, Mr Bms? Yes, anything exciting? Didn’t yoa see to-night's Owl ? Very tatae, I thought. Ido feel a bit sleepy after It; bat it’s tan la see them trying to gloss over tbs recent exposure—and ths eduaalion question still ignored, It's jolly, too, to see the personal attaek they make on you, while they say hardly a WM4 on tin AMtii'Pniimiry program*)*