THE VAG’S COLUMN

Grey River Argus, 8 July 1922, Page 7

THE VAG’S COLUMN

(By the Understudy.) Dorr Henry,—Your make up is a constant source of interest and worry to me. The reasons why you so eonstant- • ly act against your best interests arc rot apparent to a humble Vug’s I'nder I study like myself. The scientists tell 'us you arc endowed with about the , same amount of brain —in weight at any rale —as the professors in the universi- | tics. 'Paking that for granted i iinme- , I diatcly took on a study of brains, and I road everything I could get my hands I on on the subject. I found that cer- | tain parts of the hemisphere of the j bix in grow backward so as to conceal, not only the corpora striata and optic thalmi, but also the corpora quadrigemina. crura cerebri, cerebellum, pons, ami medula oblongata, so that when the human brain is looked at from above none of these structures can be I Keen. ’As soon as L saw the above solution, Hen, I knew why it was that you ■ go on being a Dubb. For stowed someI where in the portions of your brain that bear the awful names the scientists have given them, so as none but J themselves can underst 1 ml them, is your common sense. .And with the extra development that the rapil a I Lt m government compels in the cells that arc little, or of no use to you, your cummonsensc lobe cannot be seen. Neither can it find an outlet by way of your tongue. In fact, Hen, I am sure that your brain is just the scat of your will power, and the capitalists have seen to it that that will power will be used for no other purpose but the creating of profits, which they—not you--shall enjoy. Whether you like it or not, Hen, your brain is so adjusted that it is , easilv able io take in the boss’s orders and carry them out to perfection. So it uonies to pass that if von wmk in u sawmill and your brain tells you where to drive an axe into a. Jog with the I best effect; and if your brain and muscles work in perfect unison, and your body will stand it, you can be come a champion chopper. If you work in a mine, and your brain and muscles work together well, and you know just i where to swing your pick or place the drill so :s to knock out the most coal < or stone with the least effort, you will become a top notch minor. That is, of course, if you don’t die in the process of being educated, which you mostly do. If you work in the fields or far Tories the same thing must take plac* I —always the brain and niusedes working : together for tin* purpose of profit. It you work in an office, Hen, and ther<.« ’ the toil seems to most of us much less ; arduous, and nicer than that we h: \e i been accustom ’d to, your job is jotting down the intricate details of Fat small profits and grouping them to "•ether in lodgers; and finally, at the. end of the year bringing out a balancesheet showing Fat just how much he ' h: s managed to knock out of your liido j for the previous 12 months. Finall', I von have to bring him the bank book, with a cheque all writ ion out for him to sign so as he won’t have much | trouble to collect his dividend. I think Henry, that you will agree with nn I when I say that the capitalists are marvellous organisers. They have organised one section of tin' Dubbs to do : II i the work and make the profits, another section to direct the operations, and yet another section to record ail the doings in books so it can be seen at a glance I just where the best profits are made. | The capitalists’ organisation does not • end here, but goes on to keep the different se-'tions of Dubbs nt w: r with on" another. We have a good example of tiiis at the State Mine, where the mine I manager and deputy Dubbs are fighting the miner Dubbs. Again the white-col la red Dubbs who work in banks and I offices would feel insulted if, they weie told that their work was no more im- | portant : nd in fact, not so important, to the capitalist than the scavenger who keeps the town clean. It is when the ordinary toiler, who creates the profits on the job goes on s.rikn that this is most evident. Then tin mana gers, deputies, hangers on, bank clerks and other office workers are sworn in I as special constables to baton them I back to work. Mark you, Hen. th© capi talists have never yet beaten the workers off their own bat; it is always the workers who beat themselves. And the loaders of those who went on strike are very often hounded down, not by capitalists, but by other workers. The example of the c- pitalists in deal ing with workers is often followed by one imperial nation wishing to stamp out the rebellion of another nation which it has conquered; and the effect I on the people struggling for national freedom is as good as it is on workers fighting for justice. A nation of de- . termined people in arms against an oppressor is a difficult problem for the oppressor to h: ndh\ He would have to put army after army in the field against them, and the process of subduing them would prove very costly in men I and money. But if the oppressor can set the nation fighting among themselves his job is an easy one. You have a very good example of this, in the last two years in Ireland. The Irish people demanded a republic and were prepared to fight for it—ami did. England jumped 100,900 troops into Ireland, but could not conquer the determination of the Irish people. The politicians and diplomats got to work, and I compromised with the Irish Republi- ’ cans. In the short space of a few [ months we have the spectacle of the : same Irishmen who fought for tin 1 re public lighting against the republic. 'Phus we have had last week the battle of Hie Four Courts, where De Valera, the leader of Ireland's great struggle for freedom was defeated by the s: me man whom he led a few months previously. The diplomats must have enjoyed the spectqele, and this Vag would like to have heard De Valera’s opinion of things when he saw his erstwhile comrades bringing u]> the cannon and high explosive shells (kindly lent them by the English generals) with which to .'blow him and the rest of his comrades off the face of the earth. De A nlera ’ 'is now hunted like a <1: ngerops animal, 5 not bv Englishmen—but Irishmen. So • much for brain cells, Hun. Some day ■ when our brain ceases to work in the exploiters’ interests and functions for 1 ourselves we will be better off. But - how to get your commonsensc cell work I ing properly when it is shut, in by such . things as corpora quadrigeinina, crura cerebri, cerebellum, pons, and medula J oblongata fair gets me. : ‘ THE UNDERSTUDY. i ~ -