HUMORS OF THE CENSUS

Grey River Argus, 23 April 1913, Page 1

HUMORS OF THE CENSUS

SPINSTERS' 7 CONFESSIONS

In large, high-roofed Tooms at. the Melbourne are thousands ■of drawers cbhtaihing milliohs -of cards. ■These are the Australian census, 191 1, in the rough;' are . a valuable mine of information, as students of tie census bulletins have already discovered. They 4 are also a mine -of humor/ as I found during a talk with Mr.' G.H.- Knibbs, the man whose master mind'^raW^ controlled 'the inquiry.' _■; '.S'- : :'-- . :^ ; 'v :■;.•■ •■■..'.-.." ■ •■ When ,;2vop6,bo| vpeople put pen to paper human 'nature is;;bbund to assert itself, however f o|mal;the, task of ing may ■ be. ' I^br. instance, many spinsters found it impossible to send off thedr census Cards without ja little discussion of matrimony. . ,"A lady of 30 replied to the! question as to conjugal condition: j'N.M., an unclaimed treasure ; >? .while fanother of 32 wrote : "Not- yet married • fcbpe to: -bV some day," A;.frankv damsel confessed : "N.M., Still chasing ham," while an optimistic woman of 37 replied : • N.M., Have-not given up h°Pe yet." Among the men, candor |qmpelled strange admissions. One ; wrote : . '^M. Wish I wasen't ; " another r "Too much married ;' ' and, a : |hkd;-: ; < "<M. How long 0 Lord, how Idng?" Mr: Kndbbs was inundated with such-remarks, and do not .appear .in the census bulletins, they have led.' to; one of the most interesting discoveries of the census.This, is that the spinsters regard marriage as most desirable, the married men "wish I wasn^t." while the married women and unmarried men refrain altogether ■ from commenting 1 on their conjugal condition.- Sociologists may draw Avhat conclusions they please. : " ~, : THE RACE OF LIFE. Even the entries opposite "Name — underline? surname" weare responsible for unconscious witticism. Many men underlined their Christian name and ~im"deriieatbl wrote' their 'surname. Other matter-of-fact persons, in answer' to. the .query : "If out -of work state periodi'.' just wrote the one word : u peribd."- ; ' : " > ,; ' Some'of the hutaoris were intentional and^rather^ forced. A.nsw'er.s v ;. as to race .produced, among: other attempted jokes, "Human race," •"Grand ; National^ "Lifts' Handicap,"' "Old" Buffers' Race." . A very old man^ . with .quite ;unconscious ; humor, . wrote, .-"Can't run at all— Roprhaticks. " ." A native of the South of Ireland'-described^'him-self as "Corkasian?' ' ''xC.-.~^*t '■■ \ - ■^^'^MlM^'^W^" TheTe^'are ' innumerable attempts to be funny in ; answering .the query as •to religion, but as arule; the wit is of a very poor order. One man, a butcher, stated .that from a religions standpoint he was ,a "Nympholeptic Thaumaturgist," another • that- he was a- "Blue-light^" another a "Blue-domr ex," another a * 'Simple-lifer." One man- gave his religion' as -. "N;S.W. Labor Platform," and another as "Same as O'Malley." A maiif in goal referred 'to himself as a "Secluded Saint." "Presbyterian" -was spelt in bver 30 \vays, arfd "Catholic" in even more. Ohe-latly described herself as a "Roaming Catholic," while 'knbth'er- said she belonged :to the "Shirts orEngland." '■'■- ; the- back of , the census card the example given to the query . relative to University degree is "B.iSc.,- Melboiarne.'.' -This was responsible for a very large number- of B.S-c all over the Corhmonwealtii"," of both sexes aiid all ages, ..and following every-conceiv-able occupation ; thus, a * girl \ of 13, B.Sc, Tallygarroopna ; a : vcabman, B.Sc; Tottenham-court-Toad, London, a rabbit-trapper, B.Sc", Tinpot Creek. It was evidently thought that B.Sc meant "Been to School," or "Board School," or. possibly Boarding School.' Two men who described themselves as "Schoolmasters" stated they had been educated at college. One spelt it "Collage." the other "Collidge." EbUCATIbN— A DIFFERENCE. A young lady of 21, in answer to query , "If .at present receiving education," replied "No-, thank goodness, my education's finished." An .bid lady of 70j--in reply to the same question, wrote/ "I am still learning ' a little of something every day-^-it never ends." ■'.' .-':■• v . ■ OCCUPATIONS. One candid youth stated his occupation was "dodging the boss." Every person j filling in a car was asked not only his own occupation, but also that of his employer. This was responsible for many curious combinations, of which the following' are a ' few. examples :— "A ventriloquist employed :by an N " auctioneer," ■ 'A chemist 4 employed by a publican," "A wire-walker employed by 'a consulting engineer," while one individual who stated his occupation as" "agent"," gave! that, of his employer as a "thief and damned scoundrel." • . . .. PROBLEMS FOR CENSUS CLERKS The description of houses, the mater ials of which they : were constructed, etc., produced some quaint results/ of which two examples are given. "Brik gavel end 4 irurivs'/ wuden sidsides;" sidsides meaning "side" sides, as opposed to' "end" sides. Another in extensor- "2; rom • slabs sut ;with.2 roms 2 and.ibrn irof in— — — , the rent 1 6 .a week bornd in England Wakefieid Yorkshire Robert John Smith 1 was borned'in- Yorkshire .Walefield, on; the on May in ' year 1 833 on- May tlie 7 and i shall be 78 on -May ,;8. .1911." One d\yelling.' house was made of ."Calvinized^iron."- ;_ . . : The f bHq\ying are a few questions, asked as. to compiling : — - . - "Should- a meteorologist -be entered '

as a man who makes meters?" "Should I put a.wbman who calls herself an a'ceprdion pleater down as "a maker of musical instruments ?" "Is an employee of the Singer Manu factoring Co., to be classed as a vocalist?" ■ .-' "Is,a m,an frhosays he is a 'currier' to be entered as a 'spice and condiment .maker?'* ■, -Mr. Knibbs is getting near the end -of • his census tabulations.' He has reduced his staff to 54 and hisb'ulfetins of elaborate statistics niimber 17. These are merely summaries of the leading' statistical -facts. . The complete results are to be published when iready in a series of large volumes. The following tabulations have^ taeen completed, all tabulations being 1 for each sex , separately. . Final courit in census. districts. Noiii-urbpean- races. ■ Single ages. . Birthplaces in conjunction. with" ages Birthplaces in conjunction with nation, alMes, length of residence, education and conjugal, conditon. I Length of residence in conjunction with ages. : in. conjunction with ages; education, .and conjugal condition. Details "of. religious /denominations. <• Education^ in conjunction with ages. Schooling in conjunction with ages. Monthly ages under five years. Conjugal condition-' in conjunction with ages. . ! . : Blindness and deaf mutism. Relative ages of husbands and wives ■ Relative' birthplaces of husbands and wives. ' * Relative religions of husbands and wives. Sexes of ' familils according to ages of fathers, and also according to ages, birthplaces, and Teligions of mothers. Occupied dwellings classified according to .number of rooms. Occupied dwellings classified according; to; materials. ■'Non-European races classified "according to age. Non-European races according to length;- of residence, education, and conjugal condition, i Occupations according to grade. Occupations according to age. Occupied dwellings classfied according to number of inmates. Occupied ('Sellings classified' accord, J.ing to rental. Non-European races classified according .to occupation. Summaries showing the populations of countries, local government areas, Commonwealth .- electoral divisions, State ■ electoral provinces, State electorrJ districts, and telephone areas have • also.. been-..-prepafed, -,as_ well ,as statistics relative to towns, villages, localities^ and parishes.