A GLANCE INTO THE FUTURE.

Grey River Argus, Volume XV, Issue 1897, 4 September 1874, Page 2

A GLANCE INTO THE FUTURE.

What will the historian of a thousand years hence say? He will, I make no doubt, write many things which are now deemed beneath the pen of history. He will narrate that in those days, meaning the last part of the nineteenth century, men wore beards and moustaches which almost covered their faces and not trafrequently impeded the distinctness of their utterance. Tobacco will, in the time of this historian, have gone so entirely out of use as not even to be mentioned, and the writer searching into some musty, moth-eaten novel will discover the astounding fact that in the nineteenth century almost all men smoked a herb called tobacco, which they bought at a high price; that some of them made complete chimneys of their mouths, for the fumes of the tobacco were almost always issuing therefrom, to the great annoyance ef their wives who, cleanly souls, abhorred the very smell of the foul thing. He will inform his marvelling readers that in those days men wore false teeth, and sometimes even a false eye might be discovered in the socket of a fine gentleman. He will tell them that in those days, there was a certain tyrant named King Nobbier, whose sway over men was almost universal ; that he made his slaves drink when; they thirsted not of curious liquors compounded out of strange materials ; that he.wduld sometimes force them to imbibe these twenty, thirty, and even fifty times a day. They will be informed that the usual salute among acquaintances was "Have a nip?" "Have a whisky?" or, among the more modest, " Have a glass of wine?" which meant anything from raspberry wine to gin and bitters. The ladies of this writer's time will pore greedily over his pages to learn what the divine sex "had on" in those days. Their bashful natures will be shocked to find detailed descriptions of "horrid things" called " chignons," and they will hold up their hands to conceal the blushes which will mantle over their lovely visage* when being informed of the enlargement in the rear, styled " a Grecian Mnd/'j The women of this historian's day' JPrbe all angels of beauty and inliocence, and they will be startled to hear of the mysteries taught by the females of our day who strive to improve Nature and to baffle all-devouring Tijae. Mayhap the historian will be the selfsame artist hinted at by Macauley, and. will consequsntly be well acquainted with New Zealand. And 10, when he sitteth on a broken arch of London bridge, sketching the ruins of St. Paul's and pondereth on the glories of fallen Britain, his thoughts may wander to that "greater Britain" from which he comes, and his curiosity be aroused to find what was the condition of that country in the days when Breat Britain was in the zenith of her power and splendor. Then, opening his travelling trunk, he will take therefrom a ponderous tome, being " A History of New Zealand from its discovery by Abel Tasman in 1642 to the present time." Running his finger along the index, he will stop at " Provincialism," and opening at the page indicated, he will lead that towards the end of the nineteenth century a population under 350,000 dwelt in the mighty Republic now so populous as ;: to number its inhabitants at thirty millions. Yet the country was split up into nine distinct independent divisions, each legislatiug for itself, and that some of the said divisions contained fewer people than at the period when the reader lives, inhabit a mere village. The expense of governing in those days was ruinous. For every Province had a sort of Viceroy and a full set of responsible Ministers to pay ; not oniy so, but it had a Parliament, whose members were also; to be paid handsomely. In. addition to aIL the political heads of pepartments there were permanent heads, with hosts of subordinate officers, all of whom had to be paid by these much-paying Provinces, some of which probably had a population of about 5000 souls all told. The reader will raise his tyes in utter bewilderment at the patience of his long-suffering ancestors, and -wonder exceedingly how men ever could have been so verdant. But what will be his astonishment, nay, his indgnantion, upon going further, to find that besides all the huge bill of payments to the Provincial myriads, there was another mountain yet ; that the New Zealanders had, besides the Provincial Parliaments, a General Parliament, consisting of j«8 members of a Lower House, each receiving about Ll6O a year, besides many etceteras, and an Upper House of 45 members, each receiving about one hun-. dred guineas per annum ; that, indeed, the piling of Pelion on Ossa might be adduced as an apt illustration of New Zealand's expenditure for the matter of lawmaking alone ! He might, upon consideration, however, begin to console himself with the thought that, if his ancestors paid such a ruinous price for laws, assuredly their laws must have been very excellent indeed. But even this poor consolation must melt away before the stern logic of facts. He will, alas ! ascertain that there was a legal labaryinth in New Zealand more mazy, more intricate than that constructed of old time by the cunning Dsedelus to hide the monstrous birth of Minos's wife. Confounded and overwhelmed, he will wish he could deny his lineage, and claim descent rather from the apes and monkeys championed by Darwin than from such a nation of simpletons. Not being able to disown his progenitors, however, he will grasp at the theory that all this about Provincialism is a black lie, fabricated by some Victorian writer (the Victorians and New Zealanders will then have been for ages deadly foes) to bring discredit upon the nation invincible to the arms of his countrymen. Reading on, he will come to a chapter headed "The dcwnfall of Provincialism." He will read that when this foul monster had grown to gigantic bulk, and was, like the terrible devil-fish, extending its hundred arms around the body of the country to squeeze it to death in its fell embrace, there, arose a great hero, a second Hercules. And tho great man; whose name was Julius, not Julius Osesar, but Julius Yogel attacked that monster with a valor almost incredible. There was much fear and great trembling throughout the land, for Julius was dearly beloved of his nation, and it seemed impossible that he should conquer in the struggle he had entered upon, declaring in the most solemn manner that he would slay the terrible thing or perish in the contest. The monster was aroused to in-

expressible fury at the temerity of this mere stripling. It behaved as did the huge Goliath in the days of old, when the youth David advanced to assault him with a little sling. The Bible tells •what was the fate of Goliath— he was laid low upon the earth, and his vast head Bevered from his body by the Hebrew shepherd. And even ao was it with the vast monster Provincialism. For after a most terrific contest Julius prostrated it in the dust, and cut its huge carcase away piece by piece. Tomahawk.