VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1270, 13 April 1878, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Never write letters to a widow. She always takes down the old box and compares yours with the other man’s. When asked how the ladies were dressed at |a fashionable party the other evening, a modest youth replied, “About as much asan oyster on a half shell.” “Jane,” cried a fond mother, sticking her head out of the bedroom door, “ it is eleven o clock ; tell that young man to please shut the front door from the outside:” There may be no such word as fail in the bright lexington of youth, but when a young man, wandering home at one a.m., tries to put out a street lamp by stepping on it with his foot, he very soon learns there are some things tha- even youth can’t Jo.—“ Burlington Hawk-Eye.” S Wise people who love to dive into apparently unfathomable mysteries are requested to explain why a pencil lead always breaks just when you have finished laboriously constructing a point with a dull knife. - “ Rockland Courier.” A Texas man has invented a “bull persuader.” He tried it on a bull the other day, but the persuasion was all on the other side, and the last seen of the inventor was when he was holding earnestly to the saat of his pantaloons and inquiring for an apothecary shop.—“ New York Commercial.” A St, Louis girl shook out her stocking Christmas morning, and was bitterly diaappointed at discovering no presents. On a closer examination, however, she was made happy by finding a splendid upright piano, wnich, as it had concealed itself at the extreme toe end of the stockfng, had at first escaped her search. The voice of the starlit cat never sounds to better advantage than in those frosty, clear, and silent winter nights. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish a prolonged note on the upper register from the closing wail of a trumpet solo. The cat’s last longer and have a trifle more power, and will stop quicker for a brick than the trumpet will, that is all the difference.—“ Burlington Hawk-Eye.” If the short man ever feels overcome with an intense desire to be tall, it is when he finds himself on the outside of a crowd at & dog fight. “ Try not the pass,” the old man said ; “Dark lowers the bower overhead But still he answered, with a sigh, “ My hand is poor, I must go by. —und seltzior 1” The Widow,—Thus runs the world away — The widow sits by the vacant chair, A-combing her strands of yellow hair, While her soul by thought is vexed; Not of the man who sat there last, Not of the joys of the buried past, But who will sit there next.

Dr. Schliemann says he owes his success in life to the faithful observance of a simple habit—that was to put on first in the morning his left stocking and left boot, and in drawing on his clothes to put his left foot into the drawers and pants, and his left arm into the shirt, vest, and coat. Only once in his life he omitted to do this, and on that day the Cardiff giant was discovered by somebody else. Somethin* Must be Done. —Three little “arabs” went out a-hshing one day. A thunderstorm coming up, they ran to a large hemlock tree a few rods from thebro'. k lor shelter. Just before they reached the tree, it was shivered by a stroke of lightning. The boy stopped aghast. At lastone of them said to the nearest, “Sam, can you pray?” “No.” “Bill, can you?” “No.” “Nor I, either; but something must be done!”

Longfellow’s daughter Edith is soon to be married to R. H. JDana, Jr. [Philadelphia Record. Oh, no, she isn’t.—[Boston Post, she is.— [Fkee Press. She ain’t.— [New York Herald. She is. [San Francisco Mail. She is not —[Sew Orleans Picayune. Oh, but she is.—[St. Paul Press, Naw.— [San Antonio Herald (Tex ) We have been given to understand that she is.—[London (Eng ) Times. Nien.—[Vienna Neue Freie Presse. Why, certainly she is. [Hamilton (Ont.) Times. Never a time. [Be fast News Letter. Oui.—[Paris Figaro ohd ol etupo nth Ist hin g. —[Central African Cannibal. This is an age of discovery and hero worswhip. Some 370 years ago Christopher Columbus was buried in the church of Santa Maria de la Antigua de Valladolid. Thirty years later, however, the remains of the great disco erer, together with those of his son Diego, were conveyed to Hispaniola, and deposited in the cathedral of St. Domingo. But even here they were not permitted to rest quietly, and in the year 1795, according to the generally received account, they were taken to Havannah, in Cuba. From the West India papers just to hand, however, it seems that it was not the real coffin that was sent to Havannah, and on the 10th of last month there were great public rejoicings at San Domingo, and a solemn act of recognition of the remains of “the illustrious and distinguished Admiral Den Christopher Columbus.” The coffin was found in a vault under the high altar, and the inscriptions thereon appear to have left no doubt in the minds of the, San Dominicans as to the genuineness of the discovery. It will be interesting to hear what the people of Havannah have to say about the matter. It won’t do to have two Christopher Columbuses.