HUMOROUS PREACHER.

Gisborne Times, Volume LXX, Issue 11168, 29 March 1930, Page 9

HUMOROUS PREACHER.

MARK GUY PEARSE’S WIT. REBUKE TO LATE ARRIVALS. The Rev'. Mark Guy Pearse, the famous "Wesleyan preacher, av'lio died recently, Avas one of the greatest humorists in tlio pulpit, says a Aviator in an overseas publication. On nno occasion he was preaching in a fashionable West End church which numbered among its congregation many Avomen of title. He knoiv that it avus the practice of some ol these women to arrive late m order to attract attention to themselves. On this Sunday, several of these well-to-do Avomen entered the church during the first prayer. At the conclusion of tlio prayer, before announcing the second hymn, Mary Guv remarked : “I Avish you Avould not lookup AA'lion late-comers enter. Every allowance must be made for them: they are only the maids, and have to.finish the housoAvork before coining to church.”

At an afternoon service a celebrated but touchy singer had been engaged to render a solo. Just before the service, some dispute arose as to the fee the singer was to receive, and CA'entuaUy in. a huff he said he Avould not sing at all. "When the time came to announce the singer, Guy said “Mr So-and-So avus to have gi\-en a solo, but oAvingr to a slight difference of opinion, ho has declined to do so, so avo Avill sing hymn No. of the first verso—

Let those refuse to sing "Who never knew our God, But servants of tho heavenly King Ably speak their joys abroad.

“MAN WITH ONE ARM. NAMED JONES.”

Air Pearse had been announced 1% lecture'in East Anglia. The hall was packed, and Avhile lie waited ill an ante-room for a moment to go on to the platform, a worried steward hustled in and asked if lie could tel! him Avhcre Air Jones avu.s. Fivo minutes later the same man came in and asked: “Oh, Air Pearse, I am so sorry to trouble you, bur. huA'e you seen a man Avith one, arm called Jones?” A tivinkle came into Alark Guy’s .eyes. “I can’t remembet having done so,” lie said, “but- it might help mo if you could recollect the name of his otliet arm.”

Air Pearse avus fond of tolling this anecdote about a lay preacher in bumble circumstances avlio avus “planned” to preM-h at a certain country cliupci. It is the custom of tlie Methodists to pi'ovide lay preachers Avith their meals and, if necessary, with a bed. This hospitality is, to some extent, arranged to suit the social standing of tlie lay preacher. On this occasion, lavo lay preachers travelled together, but the arrangements miscarried, and the humble brother Aims inadvertently put down to bo entertained by tho lord of the manor, AA'liile the other layman, a prosperous solicitor, was the guest of a pious but poor ploughman!

. The solicitor made the best of matters and smiled through a dinner of cold pork and hot potatoes. He even followed the example of his potatoes to his mouth with his host, and conveyed both pork and knife, and made no audible protest when he had to share a bed vif h tho ploughman's son.

HOW THE OTHER MAX FARED. The other brother was met at the station by the squire’s carriage, and driven in stylo to the manor house. The squire realised that a mistake had been made, but tactfully avoided any reference to it. It was about 5 o’clock in the afternoon, and thinking that his guest would like a wash before dinner, be rang for a maid to show him to his room. Dinner time arrived, but tho layman failed to put in an appearance and after waiting for a quarter of an hour, the squire went to the bedroom. He found his guest counting imaginary sheep leaping over hurdles in a. vain effort to woo sleep! It was Marie Guy Pearse, too. who first told the oft-repeated stor.v of the drunken sweep who found his way into the village chapel during the evening service.

His fearsome appearance caused consternation' in the congregation and every one made a. mad rush for the door, thinking, apparently, that tho sweep was the' devil.

All ,managed to escape except an old woman who suffered from rheumatism. In a paroxysm-, of terror she went down oh her knees, clasped her hands.together, and cried: ”01i, sir, please don’t take me. I ain’t a member!”