WHAT MAKES UNHAPPY MARRIAGES

Gisborne Times, Volume XXXV, Issue 3802, 12 April 1913, Page 4

WHAT MAKES UNHAPPY MARRIAGES

THE REAL SECRETS. The true physician sees and understands more about the real causes for unhappiness in marriage, desertions, and divorce, than judge or minister. He knows the underlying causes whilo others see tho effects.

Probably the most frequent cause is that of hasty, unconsidered marriages. The girl does not really know her own state of health, her own personality, her abilities jand her limitations. Fpr .wo all have our limitations and they must be tested before entering any contest. For every career in life some preparation must be made. Marriage is a life contest; how many girls know their fitness for the struggle? Health is absolutely necessary for a happy married career —for the man as well as the girl. A girl of eighteen or twenty believes she is in perfect health, because she feels well and lias freedom from any complaint. If she went along in life without any trouble, worry or the strain of wifehood and, motherhood, probably she would not discover that there were weak spots in her bodily or nervous makeup. But if there are, marriage brings them out. In such a case we have a neglected home, then a worried husband, recriminations, quarrels and desertion and divorce.

If the girl has a sister who is consumptive, a father who is a victim of alcohol, or a brother who is epileptic, she may herself be absolutely free from any one of these family afflictions. But the cause for one of these diseases in her family may have left a weak spot of resistance in her nervous system which worry and motherhood will bring to the surface. Every young woman tvho contemplates marriage should look into herself and with the aid of a physician try to discover whether she, can stand tho strain of the first few years of marriage. If she is fundamentally in perfect health, cooking and domestic duties will be a pleasure —not work. If not, all housework will mean detestiblc drudgery. It will be neglected and the husband goes elsewhere. Here is where so much misery rises—here are the rocks upon which matrimonial wrecks are to be found.

No girl should marry unless at least three months of physical care and rest lias been the preparation. This is a thousand times of more importance than preparation of the trousseau. In fact most girls are worn out by the day of marriage and evil is certain to follow. A girl who has been working bard in .shop- or factory and leaves co at once marry, is doing a dangerous tiling. Such a girl is not fit to marry from any point of view. Tho second reason for unhappiness in marriage is the girl’s ignorance ol the temperament and health of the man. What is nothing more than temporary fascination she frequently mistakes for genuine love. Often it is only an unconscious desire for freedom from shop or home work. If it is this reason a matrimonial wreck is certain. A girl who thinks only of tho salary the man gets, or the pleasures she imagines, is on the way to ruinous unhappiness. t Is the man who wants to mate with her a clean man; morally, mentally, physically? That i.s what she MUST know. Has he control of himself, or his tem]H.*r, or his impulses? Is his temperament adaptable to her nature? Does be realise that the best of women, the healthiest, have times of depression, become weary and need more affection and kind words after marriage than during courtship?

These are essentials which make ot unmake married life.

It is well known to physicians that poor cooking ancl neglect of domestic duties send more men to saloons than all other conditions. Many times the fault is entirely the husband s. He does not consider that once in a while the wife needs rest and recreation. On the other hand when domestic duties are wilfully neglected it means one of two things: She never really loved the man- —it was merely girlish romance and fascination —or else her health was undermined when she married and the strain has caused a feeling of revulsion. True love makes cooking and the care of home a pleasure —perfect health is strengthened through this pleasure. Let both strive for three months to study each other and themselves. Each must physically train for the life before them. If physical or moral faults are discovered —those which cannot bo corrected —realise that your marriage will be a failure —perhaps worse.

Wealth, social position, talent, are nothing. These are only powerful narcotics to dull your senses to the real truths in life —.the cementing of two souls through perfect health, temperaments of mutual understanding and pleasure in doing for 'each other. This condition brings wealth and social content and it demonstrates great talent in each individual —the ability to live happily and produce those who will be successful in life.