UNUSUAL PURCHASES

Greymouth Evening Star, 24 July 1936, Page 3

UNUSUAL PURCHASES

OPPORTUNITIES IN MELBOURNE

Having claimed to be able to fulfil any order within human possibility, Whiteley’s store in London received a freak request for a pint of fleas — and provided it, writes Tessa Fubbs in the Melbourne ‘Argus.’ What the purchaser did with the fleas is unknown, but if any Melbourne citizen would like to learn for himself how a pint of fleas could be disposed of after purchase he could buy them. Here is an account of other odd things he could ouy, from a needle to an anchor inclusive.

First, however, to give directions to potential flea buyers. Whiteley’s obtained theirs from the London Zoological Gardens, so the superintendent of the Melbourne Zoological Gardens (Mr. Wilkie) was asked whether he could fulfil a similar order. “Where would I get fleas?” asked Mr. Wilkie cautiously. “From the monkeys?” Mr. Wilkie was indignant. “My monkeys haven’t got fleas,” lie said. “Xone of our animals lias fleas.”

“At least, none of the wild animals" he added after suitable apology had been made. “There are cats and domestic animals about the grounds which might have them, however, and perhaps the dingoes.” A negotiable basis having been established, Mr. Wilkie was induced to consider production costs. Eventually he said that he could undertake to supply any reasonable number of fleas at the price of 2/6 a flea. Mr. Wilkie himself is a purchaser of worms and grubs at market rates, which fluctuate according to the supply. Anybody requiring a mile of worms could overbid him. It is reasonable to assume, of course, that in a city of the size and resources of Melbourne almost any tangible object could be made or provided to order, provided the customer could finance his fancy. However, some articles of a very unusual nature can be bought on the spot.

TRAMCARS AND SKELETONS A tramcar, for instance. The Tramways Board has cable trams for sale at £lO, and the rummy is only £l/10/more. Electric trams cost £l2/10/-. Even the cable the trams are run on is for sale, but anybody who applied for enough to run a private tram service would have to give an undertaking that he did not intend to compete against the vendors. Anybody who imagines that a human skeleton would be difficult for anyone other than a scientist to acquire has only to walk into a shop in Swanston street and say, “I’ll have a skeleton, please,” to be handed one suitably packed for carrying. It will cost him 18 guineas, but if he will be satisfied with a skull taht is only £2/15/-. A shirt that cost the original owner £lB.OOO can be bought in Exhibition street for £l. There is a catch in this, but an ingenious one. The shirt has the colours of a racehorse owner who lost the £lB,OOO in backing his colours. so .that, in a sense, the shopkeeper is justified in his claim. You could amuse yourself in the long winter evenings by looking through a megalethoscope. It is a camera arrangement into which plain black-and-white pictures of Venice or operatic scenes (provided) are fitted. When a light is thrown into the camera the pictures assume brilliant nat-

ural colours. Charles Ponti, an optician, invented it long before magic-lan-tern days, and any Melbourne shopper can buy it. Essence of .snake-juice (true to label) is obtainable in Melbourne. When a bottle was offered for sale in a Queen street auction room recently people present thought it was a joke but it was bought for a manufacturer. Cordial makers use it.

BOTTLED COCKS - COMBS Even a Hollywood super-film producer “reconstructing” an ancient Roman banquet might have to use synthetic nightingales’ tongues. That delicacy is not obtainable in Melbourne, but if anybody wants a nice dish of cocks' combs they can be purchased (bottled) in the provisions department of a Flinders street store. They come from France, ready cooked in bottles, and have a certain, though slow, sale.

If quintuplets were born in .Melbourne no perambulator would be immediately available for them, although one could be made by a Collins street firm. However, there are stock perambulators with bodies wljich automatically extend if the occupants want to stretch vigorously. Except to order, no Melbourne firm can supply a saddle for an elephant, but a tapir is available at £5OO. It is a pig-like creature with 1G toes and an elongated nose like a trunk, and would be a thoroughly dangerous pet. A piece of Queen Victoria’s coronation train is said to be obtainable in the Block Arcade, and marbles for soda water bottles are still sold. Film fans who treasure memories of “the screen’s greatest lover,” Rudolph Valentino, can buy him by the foot in his early films. Charlie Chaplin in ‘The Fireman' is also available. Cylindrical phonograph records, and machines on which to play them, still find a ready sale in Exhibition street. One may buy a beehive, or a hansome cab, or the flag of any nation in the world, however obscure; but the suburban gardener in quest of a steam roller would find that they are not sold in Melbourne. They may be ordered from oversea (imagine the freight), or might be bought second-hand when “owner has no use for same.”

Why the phrase “anvthing from a needle to an anchor" should be used to describe the sales range of a universal store is no longer clear. There is nothing extraordinary about either commodity, even in size, and both are sold in Melbourne every day of the week. ‘From a microbe to an ocean liner” would be a better challenge to modern enterprise.

Microbes, although not articles of commerce, can be obtained in Melbourne for research work, but not “a miracle.” A few trillion—easily: but not for any money could the scientist isolate one as a curiosity. As for another proverbial associate of the needle —a haystack —that is easily bought if you happen to want it in the right season. A Flinders street firm will arrange purchase and delivery, whole or neatly cut. and bundled. For women who still like them a shop in Windsor slocks “waist” corsets, imparling the. wasp-like effect and subsequent tendency to swoon favoured by our ancestresses; but, alas for some bayside municipal councillors, not a shop in Melbourne could fulfil a request for a neck-to-knee bathing suit, except to order.