A JEST OR TWO

Greymouth Evening Star, 14 January 1928, Page 9

A JEST OR TWO

————w MZ MZ MZ ... ~z MZ MZ MZ MZ XV MZ , X. 7f . yX. yy. 7>T zl. zu z>. zl-. ZIX Zl. z.. — Ducking the Cussing.-Jonesr “Why have you that courtesy sign on the ie Of G y reem a “So ? ”people can see it when I cut in past* them.* * Respite.—Mrs. Thomas: “The landlord says if the rent isn’t paid by Saturday—out we go.” Thomas: “Fine! That gives us nothing to worry about for five days. * * * Compound Interest.—“So you met Alice to-day." “Yes, I hadn’t seen her for ten years.” “Has she kept her girlish figure?” “Kept it? She’s doubled it.” Placing the Static.—Mrs. Witsend (from stairway): “Wilbur, for mercy’s sake, turn off that radio! That woman has the awfullest voice I ever heard!” Wilbur: “Ha! Ha! This isn’t the radio, Ma. This is Mrs. Highpitch come to call!"

Not Before His Timo.—He was an old soldier, who had been run over by a fast-moving motor-car. His accident made an instant operation imperative, and on coming out of the ether the patient noticed that although it was still daylight, all the blinds were drawn. He called the nurse and asked the reason. The. nurse studied him in silence for a moment. “Feel all right?” sho asked. “Right as rain,” replied the other. “But why are the blinds drawn?” “Well,” said the nurse, “there’s been a big fire across the road, and we thought that if you awoke too soon you might think the operation had been unsuccessful.” * * * Four-cylinder Democracy.—Here is a good joke on Americans. Two New Yorkers visiting London were gazing with outspoken criticism on the plain, unpretentious exterior of the Prime Minister’s official residence in Downing Street. “What a home «for a Prime Minister," one of them exclaimed. “Yes," said the other, who had caught sight of a small two-seater standing at the kerb, “and look at that car, will you? Why, in li’l ol’ New York a second-hand store clerk would be ashamed to own a flivver like that.” At this moment a well-dressed man emerged from the official residence, entered the car and drove off. •“Say, who was that guy?” the last speaker asked a passing policeman. “Mr. A. B. ’Oughton, the Hamerican Hambassador, sir,” answered the bobby politely. * » • Putting the Treat in Treatment. — Doctor: “Your temperature seems to have taken a drop.” Patient: “Can’t you fix it so 1 can do the same, doctor?" • * • Let’s Be Fair! —Without contradicting the author who says that barbers lack frankness, we should like to add that their razors are blunt enough. * <« ♦ Soul of Discretion.—Sambo: "Did Brudder Brown gib de bride away?” Rastus: “No, sah; he gwine let de groom fin’ her out for hisself.” Seems Right, Too.—“To what do you contribute your longevity?” inquired the young man. "To the fact,” replied the old man conclusively, “that I never died;” I- tg.xy U- 'Ji w

Perfumed Static.—“ Are you going to the flower show?” “No, it’s too much trouble. I think I’ll stay home and get it over the radio.” ♦ * « Stilling the Tumult.—Radio Dealer: “Want one with a loud-speaker?” King Solomon: “Nd, I want a little quiet. Give me one thousand pairs -of headphones.” • ■* ■ * ’ ’ \-'.- The Salary.—“ Who’s that impressivelooking woman over yonder ?” “That’s Mrs. Peckuni. She’s a ; remarkable woman, and they say she commands'a very large salary.” “How does she earn it.” "She doesn’t earn it. Her husband earns it, and she commands it.” -. The Cure. —“Lack of exercise makes men criminals,” declares a doctor. That’s why they’re sent to prison for a good stretch. * * Caught.—Ruth: “When Richard proposed to me he acted like a fish out of water.” Rene: "Of course. He knew he was caught.”