A JEST OR TWO

Greymouth Evening Star, 26 November 1927, Page 9

A JEST OR TWO

“What did you think of my new dress yesterday?” “You looked so sweet in it that I didn’t recognise you.” . „~ , —"Vikingen, Oslo.

"Now I have bought you that hoop, I hope that you will sit quietly near me!” “Journal Amusant,” Paris.

Calling Out the Reserves. —Small Boy—“ Quick, policeman. A man’s been beating my father for more than an hour.” ~, ~ Policeman— "Why didn’t you call me sooner?” Small Boy—“ Father was getting the best of it until a few minutes ago."

When Candour Rules.—“lt often happens," says'a'doctor, “that who is a lunatic is entirely ignorant of the fact.” Unless he happens to be married, of course.

Dangerous Curve • Ahead. —Aunt; “Aren’t you over afraid you’ll lose control of your car?” Daredevil Nephew: - - Constantly— I’m two instalments behind already." ♦ • • Galloping Overhead.— " How fast is your car, Jimson?” asked Harkaway. - “Well,” said Jimson,’“it keeps about ,-ix months ahead of my income’generally.”-

The Unforeseen. —Timothy had been passing judgment on a neighbour, a judgment that was far from flattering. “I hate the old cat,” he cried, stamping his foot. “You shouldn’t say that, Tim,” corrected his mother. “The Bible says we must love everybody.” "I know,” was the reply; “but Mrs. Ginns wasn’t alive when'the Bible was written.”

The Unkindest Cut.—After months of careful nurturing, the fledgling moustache was just beginning to be noticeable on the lip of its proud young possessor, who walked manfully ihto the barber shop and demanded a shave. The hot towels were soothing and he half napped as the conscientious barber scrapped off -fuzz and lather with practised strokes. The process completed, the youth roused himself and glanced into the mirror at his clean-shaven lip. Consternation flushed beneath the talcum.

"Where is my moustache?” he exclaimed.

"I haven’t seen it,” replied the puzzled barber.

Cradle Song.—Quack Medicine Ventdor: “Sir, I might mention as a slight testimonial to this world-famed ‘Re juvenator’ that, a year ago, after taking one small dose overnight, upon awakening in the morning, I said to my wife, ‘Mother, give me my satchel —I shall be late for school!’”

Non-resistance. —Ham Bone says: “’Tain’t no use bettin’ wid dem gamblers. You jes’ well give ’em., yo’ money en go home en git yo’ sleep.”

Knew the Signs.—Bill: He took his medicine like a man. Nell: Oh, made a terrible fuss, did he? d ♦

Fisherman’s Luck. —“1 think the man you married is a fine-looking fellow.” “Ah,; but you should have seen the one that got away.” • • »

Turn on the Heat.—The guests will enter the main door into the lobby of the Consistory, where after checking their garments, they will pass in double line to the beautiful drawing-room.

School for Politics. —Mrs. Jenkinson had been to a political meeting, and when she returned home she regaled her husband with her party views. “We are going to sweep the country, John," she exclaimed. “Then,” remarked her husband, "you had better start with the kitchen, dear!”

Gooseflesh Barred. —An old Southern planter was discussing the hereafter with one of the coloured servants. “Sam," he said, “if you die first, I want you to come back and tell me what it’s like over there. If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you what it’s like." “Dat suits me, Massa," replied the old negro, “but if you dies first, Ah wants you to promise me dat you’ll come back in de daytime."

Total Disappearance.—Another way to keep cookies and doughnuts safe from juvenile hands is to lock them in the pantry and hide the key under the soap on the washstand.

No Sales Resistance.—Jack —“How did you come to marry a girl you didn’t particularly care for?"

Tom (gloomily)—’T attribute It to the fact that she wanted me worse than I didn’t want her.”

Father’s Innings.—“l’ think there is company down-stairs.” "Why?” “I just heard mama laugh at one of papa’s jokes.”

Taking No Chances.—Sonny—“Must I sleep in the dark?’Mother —“Yes.” Sonny—“Oh, then, let me say my prayers oyer again—more carefully.”