WEEK-END CHAT

Greymouth Evening Star, 23 June 1923, Page 8

WEEK-END CHAT

GRAIN AND CHAFF.

(By

“Mackay.”)

‘lf you have only ‘ ambition and no energy, you will get about as far as a locomotive without steam.” “Waiting for something to turn up and . turning something up-while you wait marks' the difference between a dreamer and a schemer.” g “Victories of the past can only be 'sustained by the efforts of the present.” 'Two prominent Greymouth sportsmen were exchanging opinions. Said one: “A horse that cannot hold his '“'head up is like next Tuesday, because it’s neck’s week. “Oh,” said the other, “I heard that joke about a week back.” “Herbert,” said a Reefton teacher of a small boy, this : Do we eat the flesh of the whale?” “Yes, sir.” “And what do we do with the bones ?” “We leave them on the side of our plate, sir.” A Dunollie gill was telling her chum about her engagement. The friend remarked anxiously : “Are you sure, dear, that he loves you, and you alone?” “Oh, yes” ; was the confident reply, “more then than at any other time..” A tip for straying husbands. A Westport chap recently arrived home after a farewell gathering:—“John,” called his wife from the bedroom, “I distinctly heard that clock strike, two as you came into the house.” “Yes, dear,” came the timid reply; “it was beginning to strike ten, but I stopped it for fear it should wae you >‘V-” They were discussing West Coast hospitality, and one motorist was upholding Canterbury against Westland, lie related the following experience as proof: — It was a miserable night and he was suffering from the misfortune of a broken down car. Making his way

on foot to a solitary light in the distance which turned out to be a small farm, he announced Ins arrival by leaning over the fence and shouting “Hello! Hello!’’ The bedroom window was thrust open and a surly voice ejaculated, “Naa then?” “Can I stay here • for the night?” said the motorist. “Ay, ’ an’ termorra afnawl if tha wants,” replied the. farmer, slamming down the window. Mothers can often beat King. Solomon at Iris own game, but one Tainui Street mother of two boys, aged respectively live and seven, recently had a" hard question to settle. Tb.e younger boy came to her crying with exasperation that he was “sixpence,, short.” “Well, what’s the use of yelling about it?” said his elder brother, who was calmly eating chocolates. “You don’t think I took it, do you?” “I don’t say you did,” the little fellow replied; “but I’m sixpence short, and you’re, eating chocolates!” When the Male Voice Choir concert was over, the performers were assembled behind the scenes. After a while the conversation turned to past deeds, of greatness done by the company. “Once,” remarked one chap, looking round to see. if everyone was listening—“once 1 was singing a song called ‘Row, Brothers. How,’ and ell the audience began to bend backwards and forwards as if they were rowing.” “That’s nothing,” broke in. his rival. “Why, only a week ago I sang the ‘Last Post,’ and the entire audience began to stick imaginary postagestamps on letters, and then they all ran round to the pillar-box to catch the tinal collection of the day!”

“Aye,” exclaimed Sandy to his bored Hokitika acquaintances, “Scotland’s the finest place on earth!” “Then what made you leave it,” asked a 'disgusted voice, “since you like it so much?” Sandy chuckled. “Aweel, it was like this. In Scotland everybody was as clever as masel’, and I couldn’t --mak’ muckle progress. But here”—he chuckled again—“here. I’m gettin’ on vera weel!” The very small boy, with a penny clutched in his hot and sticky hand, went to Beck's lolly-counter, and, standing on tiptoe, inspected the goods displayed. After a long look he did not see anything to satisfy him, and asked to see some other things. Nothing seemed to please him, however, and at last the assistant said : “Look here, son, do you want to buy the whole world with your penny?” The prospective purchaser thought deeply for a moment and replied : “Let’s see it!” Week-end exercise for prospective competitors in the elocution competitions : “Esau sawed wood. Esau Wood would saw wood. AH the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. In other words, all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. All the wood Wood would saw. And, oh, the wood saw with which Wood would saw wood. But one day Wood's wood saw would saw no wood, and thus the wood Wood sawed was not the, wood Wood saw if Wood’s wood saw would saw wood. Now Wood would sawwood with a wood saw that would saw wood. So Esau sought a saw that would saw wood. One day Esau saw a saw saw wood as no other saw would saw wood. 11l fact, among all the wood saws Wood ever saw saw wood Wood never saw a wood saw that would saw wood as that wood saw would saw wood, until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood saw Wood saw saw wood. Now Wood saws ’wood with the wood saw Wood saw saw wood.”