WEEK-END CHAT

Greymouth Evening Star, 17 June 1922, Page 8

WEEK-END CHAT

GRAIN AND CHAFF.

(By

‘Mackay.’)

Cultivate the thankful spirit! It will be to thee a perpetual feast. “The idle word is that which profits neither him that speaks, nor him that hears.” “If thou intendest to do a good act, do it quickly, and then thou wilt excite gratitude.” There was a young girl in the choir, Whose voice rose hoir and hoir, Till it reached such height It was clear out of sight And they found it next day in the spoir. There was a sequel, because she told of her drcam to another woman, who, next day determined to test her boarders’ politncss. “How did you find your steak at lunch, Mr Newman?” inquired she. “Oh, I just moved a potato and there it was,” triumphantly answered he. These dark mornings have a lot to answer for. “Lilian,” said a Greymouth mother severely, “there were two pieces of cake in the pantry this morning, and now there is only on. How is that?” “I don’t know,” replied Lilian regretfully. “It must have been so dark I didn’t sec the other - piece.” I A small but dapper man was walk-' ing down Tainui Street between two fashionably-attired ladies. Near tho school, they passed two boys, one of who remarked ; “Ain’t much ham in that sandwich, is there, Bill?”

Looking on the bright side of things can be overdone. The other night a Greymouth husband absent mindedly put the lighted end of his cigar in his mouth. He jumped three feet, and was a little noisy for a minute. In the middle of it all his wife smiled blandly, and said : “How fortunate you were, dear, to discover it at once !” Even the “Star” cannot compete with one Siamese contemporary whose advertisement states: “The news of English, we tell the latest. Writ in perfectly style and most earliest. Do murder get commit we hear and tell of it. Do a mighty chief die, we publish it. and in borders of somber. Staff has each one been college, and writ like the Kipling and the Dickens. We circulate every town and extortionate not for advertisements. Buy it.” She was of a coming-on disposition and wanted to read his hand, or said she did. He was prudent and declined. “Don’t vou believe in nalmistrv?”

L -- - - - — £ J ' f she asked. , “OK, not much,’’ he answered, “al- . though I had an experience last night . which might bo considered a remarkin able example of palmistry. I happened to glance at the hand of a friend, and I immediately predicted he would > pros'nfly 'become the possessor of a . considerable amount of money. Before lie left the room he Lad a nice little sum handed to him.’’ “And you foretold that from his Land?'’ “les, it Lad four aces in it.’’ Returned soldiers may recall the story of lfl u . rich Australian officer who gave a dinner io the men of Lis company the night before they left for the front. Now, my lads,” he said, “treat this < mnei as you will the cneniv.” And they si io with a will. After dinner he discovered one of lit men stowing away bottles of whisinto a bag, and, highly indignant, he demanded to know what lie meant by such conduct. I'm only obeying orders, bir, said the man. ‘Albe.ying orders!'’ roared the capta, >u What do you mean?” "You told us to treat the dinner like the enemy, .sir; those we don't kill We take prisoners.’’

j-he truth of the following is noi strictly vouched for: — A bachelor bought two guaranteed new-laid eggs for the next morning’* breakfast, and when he got home with them lie noticed some writing on the shell of one. He read what the thing had to say. It ran like this: — “I am a farmer’s daughter, 17 years ot age, blonde Lair and brown 'eyes, height and weight just about right’ and complexion the same. If this’ should meet the eye of some young man who desires to wed a merry but industrious country girl, let him' communicate with -—’’and then followed the country girl’s name and address. The young man was so pleased that he rushed off and telegraphed to the girl. Her answer came next morning. She' wired: — “You are too late. Was married six years ago, anil am now the mother of live.’’

“Well,” said the magistrate, “you heard what the officer said?’’ “Yes, I ’card ’im,” answered the defendant. “A lot of lies. I never —” TIo says you were drunk. Do you want to ask him any questions?” “Yes, 1 do. I’d been to ——” “You can tell us, that afterwards,” interrupted the magistrate. “Ask him a question now and make your statement later.” The defendant considered,. “I never—i—’ ’ “You can’t ask a question Fkc that,” said the magistrate, sharply. “I’ve told you several times you must not make a statement—you must ask a question.’ ’ More consideration, and the defendant said, falteringly, “but it must be a question. ’ ’ The defendant pondered for some seconds. This, ho thought, was a court of law, and the law had all sorts of queer customs and formalities. He supposed he was bound to ask some question or other. ( “Well,” he said to the officer, “d’yer think the Marists will win on Saturday?”