WEEK-END CHAT

Greymouth Evening Star, 18 March 1922, Page 8

WEEK-END CHAT

GRAINJS?D CHAFF.

(By

‘Mackay.’)

The following tragedy may be re-peated-at Greymoutli when the Power Board gets going:— Jack: Did you hear about that terrible accident at the ball last night? Jill: No; what t was it ? Jack : Bess got too near an i electric fan, and two men who were J standing near were almost suffocated by the clouds of powder. ’ The gentleman referred to in the j following story was not a West Coast- ? er. Said the nervous curate, after the ’ cleaning of the schoolroom: ’’As the ; schoolroom is still somewhat clamp j and dammy, the meeting will be haul- . ed in the hell beneath.” i The first baby in arms to patronise j the Continental airways left the London Air Station for Paris on the 12.30 airplane express recently. When baby went up in the ’plane, ; Dad .heaved ‘a.‘big relief; Anil celebrated well' I'ir champagne-— No more is he lititsemaid-in-chief! L ' ~ 1 Two men were noticed at Coal Creek *' the other day. They were fishermen, f and had the usual “Isaac Walton” • amount of patience. But they were novices at the game, and an hour and ■ a-half passed without either getting a : bite. “How are you gettin’ on, Jim?” asked one. “Simply rotten,” 1 was the reply; “I don’t believe my bloomin’ worm’s trying!” Honeymoon raptures were settling into matrimonial hard facts. Ho meant to ‘‘tell her about it,” but he couldn’t be harsh—yet. No. He would put it diplomatically at first. “Suppose,” he suggested quietly, “I was the sort of ehap who got Lip in a temper every morning, swore, and knocked things about just because the coffee was cold?” But she was diplomatic, too. “Dearie,” replied she, “I would make it hot for you.” He had seen Annette Kellerman at Groymonth, and was duly impressed! “I should like to have a glass of water on my table, if you please,” he said. “To drink?” was the chairman’s idiotic, question. “Oil, no,” was the sarcastic retort ; “when I’ve been speaking for half an hour 1 du a high dive.” A Mississippi farmer whosx' farm has recently been the scene of many dances declares that he finds, on the morning after, particularly when the music has lasted until the early morning hours, that his cows are much more generous with the milk. How’re ya gonna milk ’em Down on the farm ? Listen, I’ll tell ya soon ; Jazz’s the stuff to give ’em Down on the farm And another little tune Wouldn’t do ’em any harm. A West Coast gentleman recently spent a. brief holiday at Christchurch. The explanation of his hurried return is now available: The visitor was getting his hair cut and noticed that the barber’s dog, which was lying on the floor beside the chair, had his eyes fixed on his master at work. “Nico dog that,” said the Coaster. “He is, sir.” “He seems very fond of watching you cut hair.” “It ain’t that, sir,” explained the barber. “You see, sometimes I make, a mistake ami snip a little bit off a eiistomer’s car. An oculist visiting Givyniouth was examining the eyes of a patient from the ciiiintiy. He requested the patient to read, the top line of the test, card, the letters of which ran-: N P R T V Z B I) F H K O. The patient stared hard at them, but. djd not speak. “Come,” urged the specialist:

“suioly you can read the top line?” The patient shook his head. ; “Do you mean to say you cannot ■ see letters that size?” exclaimed the specialist in astonishment. “Oh, I can six. 1 the letters all right,” ri plied the patient ; “but 1 can’t pronounce the bloomin' word!” Many are the stories told in regard to the late Sir Herbert Tree. On one occasion, it is said, Sir Herbert was in want of a white horse to uso in a scene in one of his productions, but it seemed impossible to find one suitable. At last, when he was almost at his wits’ end to know what to do in the matter, a stage hand advised him to apply to another theatre manager who, lie said, had just tlie horse required. Sir Herbert accordingly paid a visit to the owner, inspected the animal, and there and then concluded the bargain. As he was leaving Sir Herbert. asked if the animal was at all fractious. “Not by any means,” answered his previous owner. “I assure you he is an excellent animal in every way. Why, 1 rode night after night, and my only complaint was that when I was on the stage he would occasionally yawn.” “Indeed,” said Sir Herbert; “evidently a bit of a critic.”