FUN AND FANCY.

Feilding Star, Volume VI, Issue 1797, 18 May 1912, Page 2 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

, "Why have you never married, Miss Antique?" he thoughtlessly inquired. "You never asked me before," she said coyly, as she gave him he-* hand. . - . ; Caller (looking at .picture): Does your mamma paint? Little Son: Yes; but she's finished that, and it puttin' on the powder now. She'll be down in a minute. - v "Didn't there used to be two windmills here, my lad?" "Yes; sir, there warn't enough wind for 'em both, so they pulled one down." Shabby Individual (to painter up ladder): Hi, you're dropping your paint all over me. Painter: Well, you're badly ia need of a coat of some sort.

t Her Dad : No, sir, I won't have my r daughter tied for life to a stupid fool. i Her Suitor: Then, don't you think s you had better let me take her off 9 your hands ? 1 "What's the Uncle , Tom? "Well, before a man is married it is the time to take a walk with the girl he loves; but after he is married it is the time ihe falls over rocking horses and building blocks on ' the sitting-room floor." Visitor: We're getting up a raffle -> for a poor old man. Won't you buy - a ticket my dear ? Sweetthing: Mercy, no! What would I do with him if 1 ! won him? r The bald man rushed into the shop, '• flopper into a chair, and roarded, "I ■ want a haircut!". The astonished ' barber meditated for a moment, and ' then picking up the scissors, meekly inquired: "Which one, sir?" Dismal Dawson: I'm trying to git back to me poor old mother. She ain't seen me face for ten years. Old ■Gentleman: I guess ithat is the truth. Why don't you wash it? Maude: Mr Hardcash called on me last evening. He's the most en- , gaging talker I ever listened to. Clara: Indeed! ' What did he say? Maude: He asked me to marry him. McCorkie: You can say what you please about flying machines, but one of them saved ,my life once. Mc- . i Crackle: How? McCorkie: I had arranged to go in one on its trial trip, but something went wrong with it, and it never started, Bookstall Boy (to old gentleman who has been perusing a volume without signs of purchasing): Would yer like a bit o' carpet ter stand on while yer read all the books? It's very- cold. • Magistrate: You are charged with begging. Tramp: I have never begged. , It is not my fault if a lady let fall a ha'penny into the hand which I was holding out to feel whether it was raining. Brown: I see the town authorities are keeping up to date. They have now got a motor prison van, which is doing good business. Smith: That's nothing! In the town that I come from they have got a motor hearse, and the people are simply. dying for a ride in it. Mrs Podmore: I think you had better'go for the doctor, George; Johnny coinplains of pains in his bead. Podmore: It's nothing serious. He has had them before. Mrs Podmore: Yes; but never ori a halfholiday.