THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 23325, 22 July 1939, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Might Compromise on Nickel.—' Sister: “ Bobby won’t eat bis spinach.”. Mother: “ Spinach has Jots of iron.” Sister: “ He’s holding ouffor silver,’s Aha! —Teacher: “ I am going to ask the class what is the best material to make bows of.” Pupils: “ Yew wood!” * « * * Bright Spots in Circus.—“ The hapr piest people I know,” says a circus man'ager, “ are contortionists.” They can always make ends meet. • * * « Aha!—“ What’s a social scale?” “ Well, generally speaking, it’s <j place where money is weighed.” * * * *, 1066?—Street-corner Speaker: “ It’* knowledge we want. Ask the average man when Magna Charta was King of England, and he can’t tell you.” * * * » Sad Case.—“ How’s the food at your boarding house?” “ Not so good—l can hardly eat my, second helpings.” • n v * ft Head First?—New Cavalryman: “ I don’t like the looks of this horse's head.” Drill Sergeant: “ Oh, that’s all right, you’ll soon get over it.” » * « * Manly Manners. —Teacher: “‘The horse and the cow is in the field.’ Archie, tell me what is wrong with thaiJ sentence?” Archie: “ The lady should be mentioned first.” • * * « Just to Keep in Form.—A, representative body of master plumbers called on a humorous weekly to present a protest against the plumber jokes which the weekly constantly printed. It is rumoured that' one of the delegates had to go back for the protest. * * * ■» Not So Good. —Little Mildred • had just had her first dip in the sea. “How did you like it, dearie?”■ asked her mother as she fastened the six-year-old’s frock. “ I didn’t like it at all, mother,” she replied coldly. “I sat on a wave and went through I” * * * • “ Strike ” Defined. Fisherman:! “ When a fish takes the hook we call it a strike.” Tourist: “ Why?” Fisherman: “ Well, the man with tho rod begins to have a lot of labour trouble. ’ • ♦ * * Gorgeous. —They had just turned tho corner from one of the most beautiful of steep valleys. , She exclaimed: “ What a beautiful gorge that was !” “ Yes, it wasn’t bad,” he replied, his mind flashing back unromantioally to the inn in the hollow, “ but I could have done with a bit more pudding.” • .* » • The Reverse. “Papa,” said tho young son, “ what is the difference between a statesman and a politician P” “ A statesman j my son, wants to do something for his country. A politician wants his country to do something for him.” * « « * Matter of Price. madam, but would you be kind enough to take off your hat ? I can see nothing, and I paid two shilling for my; seat/’ “ And then nobody will see my hat* and I paid two guineas for that.” • • *■ ■ * A Problem for* To-morrow.—Abbie, the little girl of the family, was seated at the breakfast table one morning. As usual, eggs were served. Either she was not hungry or sho had grown tired of the bul of fare, for very earnestly and soberly she remarked: “ I do wish hens would la« something besides eggs!” * • * # One Thing Lacking. —“ Is your married life a happy one?” “Yes, I married the woman of my dreams. She is as beautiful to me as the day I met her. Her hands are always white and soft, her hair is never untidy, and her dresses are always tho latest.” “ So you don’t regret it ?” “ No s hut I’m getting pretty tired of eating in restaurants.” • * * « Shrewd Macpherson.—“ Hello,” exclaimed Ronald. “ Hae ye heard about Macpherson?” “No. What’s the matter wi’ him?’* “ He’s opened a new business. Dacha.’ l fine, too.” “ What’s his line?” “ He’s selling glow-worms tae beekeepers.” “ Whatever for ?” “Tae put in the beehives so *ha| the bees can see tae work at night.” • • * • Out of the Mouth of a Babe.— On her first visit to the zoo five-year-old Carol greeted monkeys, tigers, and lions with much enthusiasm, but on reaching tha ostrich pen, where the great birds lumbered about, she seemed entranced. Speechless, she watched their awkward movements for many minutes. Wondering what the’ attraction was, her mother finally asked what was so interesting. “Why, mother, their knees are on backwards!”