ENGLAND IN 2035

Evening Star, Issue 21991, 29 March 1935, Page 12

ENGLAND IN 2035

“M PUNCH '* KIPS AT FNTNRE The following humorous forecast of happenings ■ a hundred years hence was published by ‘ Punch' on January 16 under the heading “ England 2035 ”: — “ Perhaps one of the most pathetic features of 2035 was England’s gallant but hopeless struggle for selfgovernment. In December, 2034, the reins of Empire had been entrusted _ to a Commonwealth Council, consisting of one Scotsman, one South African, one Australian, one New Zealander, one Irish Free Stater (under protest), one Indian, one Canadian, and one Sarker, under the chairmanship cf Winston Churchill, 111., who in some mysterious way had got himself elected by the Vegetarian Party in the Cannibal- Islands. It was soon evident that the new council did not in -nd to give England a square deal, and the general public in England began to clamour for secession.

“ ‘ While we count it a privilege to pay for the Navy and the Empire Air Force,’ as the ‘Times’ remarked in a feeling leader, ‘ and while no longsighted Briton can object to the cancellation of the few billions of pound* debts dufe b.y various parts of the Empire to this country, ,we feel that the avowed, intention of the Commonwealth Council to transfer the seat of Government from Westminster to the Cannibal Islands is a blow at our ancient privileges that must, be-parried with every constitutional weapon we possess. While deprecating the violent language of some of our contemporaries and regarding with horror the recent_ attempt ■to inveigle Mr Churchill into the pot of the Opposition Party on the island which he so ably represents, we shall leave no stone ■ unturned to retain the government of England, at least, for Westminster. If Secession is the only solution, then we must secede.’ “The spirit of the English was roused, and a thousand 'evidences of their earnestness and fervour ih face of a crisis stirred feelings of admiration on the Continent and in America. A Secession League was formed, and office-boys and dukes alike wore in their button-holes the badge of mempair of sausages, crossed on a bed of mashed. A crowd cf more than five hundred thousand Londoners met in Hyde Park in the pouring rain, and, though they achieved nothing but wet feet owing to the foresight of the Home Secretary in sending nine extra policemen to keep order, there could be no doubt that it needed , only a spark to set the whole country aflame. “ The English Prime Minister, annoyed at his exclusion from the council, broadcast a ferocious appeal from the 8.8. C. on the National wave-length, and if there had not been a very good variety programme on at the same time probably quite a number of people would have been deeply stirred. “ An appeal was made to the Diet of Dictators (which had: superseded the League of Nations in 2023), but it was held that, owing to Section 9 of Article 166 having been mislaid when the Diet House was blown up in 2033, the Diet had no jurisdiction. It agreed, however, to appoint a Commission of Chinese ex-mandarins to sit, and it was felt that this could not do much harm. “ There could be no doubt at all, however, that Secession was a live , issue. A greyhound named Secession I won the Greyhound Derby, and a horse named Secession would have won!

the Grand National if it had not been favourite. A weekly paper called * Death or Freedom, was launched by supporters of the. movement, but unfortunately got .into financial difficulties and soon contained’ nothing but articles on antivivisection,-by the Countess of Bulrush. “Luckily, before anything really desperate was done, the Cannibal Island themselves seceded after the un« pleasantness which followed the disappearance of the architects sent out to design the new Parliament House, and the Commonwealth Council decided that Westminster after all was perhaps the safest place, and might be made to- serve so long as the English themselves were content not to penetrate beyond the Strangers’Gallery.”