BY THE WAY

Evening Star, Issue 21784, 28 July 1934, Page 2

BY THE WAY

ll)j X T,] “The lime lias come,” the Walrus said, “ To talk of many things.” From lime to time over a number of years we have read dispassionately of the exploits of animals, fish, or fowl which liave managed to introduce into some part of their system such valuable articles as gems and gold nuggets. i Others besides ourself may recollect ’hearing of the sheep in Australia which almost literally filled certain spaces between their teeth with specks of gold and which therefore caused .company promoters endless worry trying to find out where their dental parlour was. To the best of our knowledge, New Zealand sheep have not proved themselves quite so efficient at prospecting, but we believe it to be true that disembowelled dominion ducks have, among them, yielded up several pennyweights.. Only the other day, moreover, a small pearl was discovered by a Hamilton man in one of several oysters bought by him in a local fish shop, but, as it is a proper function of the most considerate oysters to disgorge pearls, we find it easier to taike an interest in the Burmese fowl that recently cheered its purchaser with the gift of a precious green sapphire. Personal domestic records do not disclose the fact that anything approaching similar good fortune has ever come our way. Indeed, most of the unnatural swallowing or attempted unnatural swallowing intimately associated with us has been done by members of the household themselves, and, even so, none of us lias yet struck material more valuable than pieces of bone, or, in the festive season, such coins as lurk in the Christmas pudding. In fact, nobody anywhere seems to have made much out of the mastication of hard Substances—unless we except the dentists and maybe the trickster _ in London who formed the (for a time) profitable habit of suing restaurant proprietors after making it his business to gnash his teeth oh selfplaced pebbles. On the whole, swallowers are well advised to confine themselves to the essential vitamins.

Some say the first of August’s sure to bring The spring; For winter-time begins, they always SW, In May. Midwinter is the twenty-first of June; And soon. That chilly season, in a day or so, Will go. A brace of shivering crocuses come out And sprout. Some undersized narcissi show their heads In beds. A weeping-willow wears a sickly sheen Of green; And spring, so sweetly snug by Mendelssohn, ' Is on. So optimists repeat the good old lie, And i, With years of wintry Augusts in my mind, Deep-lined, Just listen to their babble, tongue in -cheek, And speak The sceptic’s words, which number only two “ Sez you!”.. We’ve..got to wait another mouth,: of niore,' Before We get a spring which truthfully can claim That name. I’m looking for a lot of cold and wet As yet, Before I hum the ‘Spring Song,’ full of hope And soap. Before I put my lighter “ undies ” on, And don .■ ■ A festive flannel suit, because it s got Too hot; Or leave my overcoat, and venture .out \Vithout. . This August sees me clad m winter wear, So there! * * * » At the present time unusual scope is offering for the young map who seeks excitement and adventure. It be is in a position to go abroad, .bn should be able to satisfy bis craving by proceeding to South America, there to volunteer bis services to due or other of the belligerent countries who periodically stage a revolution or go to war over Gran Cliacos. And, although there has been no actual declaration of Avar in Europe, wo not not think ho would be disappointed were be to venture into Germany, and, m the presence of Storm Troop witnesses, cry, “Down with Hitler!” He might, of course, run into a delightful parcel of trouble by dancing a jig on the Great Wall of China and at the same time making significant gestures of contempt at the Japanese, but for everyday purposes he could quite well engage himself ivith either striking or strike-breaking in America.* When wo come to analyse the possibilities more closely, bovi'ever. Ave realise hoAv unnecessary it is for the adventurer to wander beyond dominion shores, A passage-at-arms Avitb an Alsatian dog is full of promise, while tjao youth whose card in the possession of the Vocational Guidance officer proclaims his desire to be a professional Avrcstler is most assuredly on the right track —though it appears that it ho wants excitement at its fullest pitch lie should endeavour to become a wrestling referee. Still, there is one great sphere of action'which stands out above all others as a provider of thrills and spills in their first magnitude, it is the Rugby football arena. Bet any young New Zealander who wishes a taste of life in the raw start training immediately for a game against Haivke’s Bay Avhen they are defending the Ranfurly Shield. * * * * Au old legal theory lias it that every dog is entitled to one bite, but people in the Home Country arc beginning to doubt if this is justifiably applicable to usage in the realm of motordom. _f ficy are convinced that every motorist is not entitled to one kill, aiid so we hear of persistent agitations for stricter traffic control. Those who are exposed to the perils of the road are at one with the police in their complaints that ceitain magistrates shirk the duty or mflicting effectual punishments on nrst offenders, for quite naturally they can sense no consolation in the tliougni; that if their turn comes to be the skittle they may be obliging some motorist with his “ first kill.” The genera feeling is that road hogs arc eager to atfix the blame on anything except tne usual causes of a mishap—their own excessive speed and recklessness. .Which, sigificantly enough, seems to indicate that speed and recklessness merit the severest of penalties and There! dro must at all costs be wiped on tne charge sheet. - , As a means of checking what has

come to be known as the incessant slaughter one bright correspondent of the Tendon ‘ Observer ’ has suggested that the Minister of Transport should create and direct a mobile road inspectorate five hundred strong, drawn from graduates of the universities — “ men of action, character, skill,, and tierve.” Tt has been suggested that these protectors of the public should carry badges of identification in their breast pockets, but should otherwise be indistinguishable. The scheme, if acted upon, ought to have, a double benefit, for, in addition .to its primary . function, it would help to' dispose of surplus graduates. . Between the Police Department (which is signing up university men) and the traffic inspectorate, Oxford and Cambridge may be kept busier than they have been for years. It.may even mean the establishment of a new “chair.” Who knows? ' * * * * In the course of our lighter readings we have been led to believe that fiction, even of the seemingly harmless type, can in some measure, be apportioned part of the blame for recklessness on the road. Quite often a misguided author has suggested to ns that we should admire a certain' type of hero or Heroine who makes a hobby of doing “seventy” in a 1 racing car. Usually it is a red racing car. Why it should be so we cannot guess—unless red is the fashionable colour for racing cars or unless it is appropriately recognised as the hue that spells devilment and danger. True, when one is seated safely at home in a comfortable armchair one does hot find it unpleasant' to read about a beautiful modern maiden who is “ stepping on it,” and : with eyes a-sparkle and cheeks aglow, and hair windswept, is doing a casual seventy. But the example, if only a hypothetical one, is not good. There may be impressionable readers who want . to be similarly “heroic” in real life, and it is when ambition of this kind is at the wheel that pedestrians and cyclists have to be as sharp in the eye and as quick on the feet as a Bradman. In' the same issue of the ‘ Observer ’ we ; read the tragic slpry of a ' young lady _ who knocked down two cyclists (injuring one severely) and then, three miles further on, killed a pedestrian. Two minutes later she hit three more cyclists, who, fortunately, escaped with minor injuries. Bail was refused. And a very good thing too.

* * * ♦ 1 Unofficial cricket records: — Don Bradman has smoked a cigarette and sipped at a glass of champagne. The Australian Board of Control lias fiven an Australian wife (Mrs Woodull) permission to join her husband in England. Another Australian wife (Mrs Kippax) has been allowed to sail for England Avithout the board’s permission. Newspaper critics have said nothing about bodyline bowling for three weeks, Larwood has decided not to sdy anything about anything. Last Saturday night vve (X.Y.) isat Up two hours after our usual bedtime to listen-iu to the test match broadcast. ,** * » Hero it is at last—the millionth “ Scotch ” joke! : As in most places Avhere community sings are held, so i» Christchurch, Listeners-in or any people who arc,, actually present may hear their favourite song by making a special request—particularly if that request is accompanied by generous financial backing., The other day, the Christchurch. broadcaster whs, acknowledging' a; number of receipts AA'hen he suddenly startled his audience, with the .intimation that j an envelope; bad arrived . f rom, Dunedin containing’ one benny, stamp, ’four, halfpenny stamps, and a request for, seventeen songs! ~ , ~ 1 . However, perhaps wo arc wrong m our calculations. This may be only the 99 1 1999th ‘ ‘ Scotch.’ ’ joke. ■ . Accordingly we manage to raise'a laugh—. Ha! Hal Ha! ♦ * * ♦ It’s .'been a sloppy winter, So everybody says. We’ve Ijiid an extra-special ddse Of' damp and dismal days, No doubt the farmers, like, it, , And rub'their bands with glee; But that’s no consolation to ... The like,of you and me. It simply rains On hills aiid plains, Regardless of our needs; And—worse than all — , The'showers fall At Leeds. . , It rains in Northern Europe ■ • On poor, unlucky souls. The floods have been and gone and drowiied Sis hundred hapless Poles. The place is simply reeking With famine and disease. We heave a small, regretful sigh At tragedies like these. Such happenings Are mournful things, But ah! oiir bosom bleeds, To think how wet That pitch could get At Leeds!

The wettest place in Asia . Js somewhere in Assam. The rain comes down in torrents, like The bursting of-a dam, ' ' One feeH a spasm of pity When, such events take place ; For oven dusky Assamese. . , ? Are quite a human race. But surely some Good folk will come To satisfy their needs, While we regret That day of Wet" At Leeds! The sun is shining fiercely Across the U.S.A., Affecting agriculture in A catastrophic way. Their cities and their townships AU frizzle in the heat,And citizens expire by scores, . Collapsing on the street. ' Which makes one feel " ,i A heart-appeal; ■ • ■ ? One shudders as one reads— j But oh! what Power . Would.,stop that showfcr At Leeds? '