THE QUINTUPLETS

Evening Star, Issue 21784, 28 July 1934, Page 2

THE QUINTUPLETS

[Written by Panache, for the ‘ Evening Star.’] A cynic has remarked that we all have enough strength to bear the misfortunes of other people, and so the world is pleasantly stirred by news of quintuplets which (they are too young for “ who ”), born at the end of May in a North Ontario farmhouse, have now exceeded all known records for quintuple longevity. The world is so stirred that gifts are pouring in from its four corners. Better still, the home Government is so stirred that its highways department lias repaired the road which the doctor must take io the farmhouse.

You, part of a world stirred by news of quintuplets, would you like to be one of them? Twins, of course, June fun masquerading in each other’s ties when they are in the fourth form at St. Dominic’s. Quadruplets are assured of a constant four at bridge, but with quintuplets there will always be an odd one out. Already, my heart bleeds for the little Marie, she who weighs only twenty-five ounces. (She may grow into a strong, healthy girl, for the Graces were triplets, and, according to Milton, Euphrosyno was buxom j but then Bacchus was her father, and she was not bred in an incubator nor fed with an eye dropper). My heart bleeds, too, for Pauline, the baby before the quintuplets. Pauline, aged presumably one year, is young to have her nose put five times out of joint. My heart bleeds a third time for Hose, the eldest daughter of the house, aged eight, who will work so constantly for her little sisters. Rose’s fairy tale hero will be Aucassin, for Aucassin’s parents had no child, neither son nor daughter, except one only boy. Quintuplets are rave, hut twins occur once in a hundred human births, and are more likely to be born to the relatives of twins than to the general population. Those who- have twins in their family history will be interested to know of the steps taken by Kaffirs to avoid them. According to Frazer, a Kaffir has been known to refuse to eat two mice caught at the same time in one trap, alleging that if he did his wife, infected with the virus of doubles, would give birth to twins. It is fortunate for the Kaffir that his civilisation does not insist on socks, gloves, and other garments that go in pairs, and that he is not forced, for safety’s sake, to avoid bicycles or bivalves. Which would be worse, to have to accept twins or to have to refuse oysters? Since triplets occur only once in 10,000 births, the superstitious are reassured and need not fear to meet a tricycle or to indulge in a third course. As late as the seventeenth century triplets had occurred so seldom that there was not a distinctive name for them. In 1000 the baptism is recorded of three twins, John, Sara, and Margaret, son and daughters of a gentleman of Kent. About quintuplets statisticians are even more reassuring when they tell us that the phenomenon occurs ;only Cried* in 41,000,000 huiiian births. Many who read of the Ontario quintet breathed a sigh of relief that they had been spared.. But there are other statisticians who tell of China, where there is a baby born every minute, and of Japan and India, where there are children coming into the world at a rate only slightly slower. Calculate the minutes in a year; find the number of babies born every minute in China alone; multiply; divide your answer into 41,000,000, and the result will show you that the first statistician has lulled you into a false security, and that it is possible for quintuplets to arrive any day. This likelihood, apparent to all but the superficial reader of statistics, explains why so few gardeners to-day arrange ornamental shrubs to form a quincunx, and throws light on the fact that the popularity of the Pentateuch is waning. But.in Ontario the mother is photographed smiling at her extraordinary family, while presents come from all over the world, free of duty, .1 hope that someone has tucked a copy of the ‘ Golden Bough ’ into one of the hampers, for the quintuplets must learn Which countries are safe for them to visit, and which they should avoid. They must not venture among certain tribes in 'British Columbia, where twins, a restrained form of quintuplets, are liable to be considered salmon. Among the Nootkas, says a noted anthropologist, the father of twins always appeared very thoughtful and gloomy. This phenomenon has been observed in more civilised society, though only among the Nootkas does the father of twins cut himself off entirely from other people. In Kamchatka, where twins are considered a great misfortune, the mother may not go near the fields at sowing or harvest, lest she destroy the crops. If the mother can put up with ostracism, she is saved some hard manual labour, which suggests that this was a beneficent taboo imposed by some pitying maternal god doss. The Ontario family must certainly visit Baganda when the children are fit to travel, because there the parents of twins are extremely popular, it being believed that they produce a corresponding fertility in the ground. After that they must go to Uganda, where the father of twins has the right of going into anybody’s garden and helping himself to whatever produce he will. Lest his prerogative be abused by’ those who have only single children, the privileged parent must wear his hair cut in a distinctive manner, and must herald his approach by tinkling bells on his ankles. These bells will be useful, too, for amusing the twins. In many of the darkest parts of Africa twins are believed to have the power of controlling the weather. Even lit the sacrifice of the Uganda tour, with its free rations, I hope that the father of the quintuplets will insist on a long stay in one of those districts where weather control is thoroughly taught. The very least that these children can do for their mother is to master the whole weather syllabus, to pass with honours, so that they can assure her of never having' to put up with the whole five of* them at once inside in a small backwoods farmhouse on a wet afternoon.