BUFFOON VILLAGES

Evening Star, Issue 21722, 17 May 1934, Page 10

BUFFOON VILLAGES

COMPETITORS' COLLECTION The ‘ Observer ’ recently offered a prize for the best anecdote of a buffoon village— a village which is the butt of its neighbours. Interesting and amusing was the collection furnished by competitors. The story ol the tanner who, when his call got its head stuck in a gate, cut, oft the head, is told of Coggeshall, 'I ideswelt (Derbyshire), Westi houghton (Lancs), Machen (Mon. ), Nopend (Glos.). and Houghton Regis (Beds.). Among the villages charged with having put the pig on the wall to see the soldiers go by arc Winchcombe (Glos.), Lamberhead Green (near Wigan), and Llansamlot (Giam.). At least three places are under suspicion of having “hanged the monkey,” the monkey being the sole and hairy survivor of a shipwrecked foreign vessel; in the Megavissey (Cornwall) version he was the advanceguard of a Napoleonic invasion. Coggleshall seems to be a common butt; it appears so even in the local rhyme.— Braintree for the rich, Booking for the poor, Coggerhal for the foolish town, And Kclvedon for the boor. One of the legends jefer to the church, which the villagers wished to move to a better site:— So they removed their coats, putting them at the east end, and fell to pushing tfie church from the west end. They pushed for about half an hour, and while they were thus engaged, along,came some thieves and stole their coats. At the end of the half hour they went round to the east end, and, not seeing their coats there they were overjoyed to think they had pushed the church over them. It was at Coggleshall, to, that the band was told that its music sounded better from outside. The players at onoe put down their instruments and went into the street to listen! The old tale of how the men of Gotham grew a hedge to keep in the cuckoo is now told of Risca (Mon.). According to one competitor, all persons from Risca are still called “cuckoos.” Spondon has a local fame as the place from which a party of yokels went to Derby and recognised the local luminary as “ The Spondon Mime.”, Ebrington (Glos.) manured the church to make the steeple grow higher. Haddenham (Bucks.) built a roof over the village pond to keep the ducks dry. At Steeple Rumpstead (Essex) a proposal for a new windmill was rejected on the ground that there was hardly wind enough for one. Two places compete for a disparaging suffix: TickiJl-God-lielp-us (Glos.) and Orcop-God-help-us (Cites.). Other anecdotes may be mentioned : The old weavers of Rooden Lane (a few miles north of Manchester) are supposed to have done the most nonsensical things. One story concerns two men who, on going to bod, remembered that they had hot a. match in the house. In those days matches were dear. One of them got up, went down, and begged a match from • a neighbour. On his return, and when they were settled in bed, the other man said: “We haven’t tried that match, whether it’s a good ’un or not.” Instantly it was tried and found to be a good one! , ' ; Two men were born simultaneously, lived near each other all their Jives and died the same minute. As a result, they found themselves side by side in the next world. In silence they studied their surroundings. After some time one .remarked gloomily, “ After all that we have heard of heaven, it does not seem to be such a fine place. It is not much better than Peebles.” After a further period of silence the other murmured, “ Maybe we are not in heaven.” The inhabitants of the village of Over, Cheshire, were presented by the squire, one Christmas, with a cake of soap apiece. The following Christmas they declined a similar gift, alleging that the previous consignment had caused an outbreak of acute indigestion. An inspector, on a visit to an elementary school in the city of Aberdeen, was questioning a class of small boys on the Scriptures. He asked one (who had just been transferred to the school) what he knew about Solomon. The boy remained silent, but the next was quick to explain this—“ He winna ken, sorr, he’s fra Buckie...” At Tangmere a lad was seen groping about outside the village shop on a pitch dark night. The light from within illuminated about six square yards of pavement. “What be lookin’ for, George?”,he was asked. “I’ve dropped a shillin’.” Soon a dozen or more were helping George in his search. At last someone asked: “ Wheer did ye drop it, George? ” “Over theer,” pointing to a dark spot about twenty yards away. “ Over theer, then why de ’ee look for ’nn ’ere? ” “ ’Cause there’s mure light ’ere.” Gavagh is one of the places in Ulster which is always having fun poked at it for its excessive Orangeism. On one occasion the Garvagh football team—all stout Orangemen—were playing the team of a neighbouring village, which was 100 per cent. Roman Catholic. Gavagh felt that the eyes of the world were on it. They won, and after the match one Garvagh man was heard to say to another, “ Man, Wullie, there’ll be sore hearts in the Vatican the night! ” The prize was awarded to the sender of the following : One of many stories of Haworth, of Bronte fame, where the crows fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes: Haworth Band had been caniEeting in a brass band contest, and, ad won first prize. Returning very late on Saturday night, when most of the villagers had gone to lied, and wishing to proclaim their victory, but at the same time without disturbing the sleepers, they marched through the village in their stockinged feet, their boots hung round their necks, playing at the top of their form, ‘ See the Conquering Hero Comes.’