SCOTTISH “SECRETS” LEAK OUT

Evening Star, Issue 21232, 13 October 1932, Page 9

SCOTTISH “SECRETS” LEAK OUT

LAND OF POETS AND WHISKY “Scotland lias laad many eulogists# she has also had her detractors. ‘ The unspeakable Scot ’ is a typical example of extreme southern venom. Scotland claims that most of her detractors were inspired by jealousy rather than by any sense of justice. It is not said whence came the imaginative youth responsible for this essay on * Scotland,’ but wo (says a Scottish newspaper) are sura that with their keen sense of humour, those from beyond the Tweed will smile, even if grimly, at the effort contained in the alleged essay, which reads: — “ ‘ Scotland is a braw, wee land on the north of England. It has water nearly all around it, and whisky over a large part of it. The population is about four and a-half millions, including Mr Carnegie. It has a peculiar language of its own, and if one can pronounce it coherently it is an infallible test of sobriety. It possesses considerable wealth, but a very little of it finds its way out of the country. Gold has at times been discovered in several districts, as well as in the pockets ct certain natives, but in both cases it has been very difficult to work. “ ‘ The best-known exports from Scotland are Harry Lauder and Scotch whiskey, though sufficient of the latter, is retained in the country to_ satisfy the demands of home consumption. “ ‘ The natural dress of Scotland is the kilt, which is a kind of short petticoat. In pattern it resembles a chess board, though in cold weather the wearer finds it more of a “ draught - board. It is believed to have been originally invented because the aborigines were unable to find trousers big enough to get their feet through. _ “ ‘ The bagpipes produce the chief music of the country. _ It is a wind instrument, which is said, when blown, to produce a tune. On many occasions in the history of war, Scottish regiments have marched to death, listening to the strains of the bagpipes, though it is not known whether their willingness to meet the former was a desire to escape the latter. “ ‘ Scotland has produced many wellknown men, among them being Robert Burns, believed to be a poet. It is usually denied that he was born in Battersea. In Scotland, for a couple to declare themselves man and wife in the presence of witnesses is tantamount to a marriage, though there is often a tendency to dispense with the witnesses. ... . “ ‘ The chief national characteristic 13 reckless expenditure.’ ”