BOOKS OLD AND NEW

Evening Star, Issue 21073, 9 April 1932, Page 4

BOOKS OLD AND NEW

[By Canon Nevill.] ‘ What the Doctor Thought ’ was a book written some years ago by Sir James Crichton-Browne, full of opinions and anecdotes; all of them good, and many of them strikingly fresh and original. I purpose returning to that book later, as it has struck me that, despito its excellence, very few people seem to have known it as it deserved to bo known. Sir James has quite lately published ‘ The Doctor’s Second Thoughts.’ Unlike most sequels, it is equally good and fresh. The chestnut is noticeable by its absence. One very striking passage is that relative to human progress; a progress which to-day, since the collapse brought on civilisation by the results of the Great War, wo are not so sure about as wo used to bo before that tremendous event. We are beginning to realise that if civilisation is to survive at all we shall have to do what surviving animal forms have had to do, adapt ourselves more and more to now conditions. Sir James says, quoting Sir Francis Galton; “The average ability of the Athenian race was, on the lowest possible estimate, two grades higher than our own; that is about as much as our race is above the African negro, and our anthropologists tell us that man ‘20,000 years ago was no whit inferior in physical development or brain bulk to man as we know him to-day. The immense progress of certain branches of the human race must be attributed to the inexplicable emergence from time to time of men of superior originality or genius. But progress has not been a continuous progress. We have had our glacial periods. For progress we must look to the hero of the laboratory, and for betterment, which is more urgently needed than progress, perhaps to some hero prophet who will make radiant once more that religiosity which is inherent in every variety of the human race, and of which philanthropy in the widest sense of the word is the outward expression. The greatest anatomist of modern times, Goodsir, put it thus: That the welfare of the entire human constitution can only be conditioned by a proper action of the spiritual element. The consciousness of untruth and error exists in every modification of man, and it is by the, revealed record that our higher beliefs are confirmed and sustained.”

It used to be told of a somewhat pompous and histrionic clergyman in Edinburgh that on one occasion when a collection was being made in his church for some charitable purpose, and the ladle, as was the custom, was held up to the pulpit to receive the minister’s donation, ho dropped into_ it ostentatiously his watch and chain, exclaiming as he did so; “ Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I Thee.” So much was the congregation touched by this noble act of selfsacrifice that they immediately subscribed and presented him with a watch and chain of double value.

It was proposed that a little girl who was to go to a children’s fancy dress ball should be dressed as a Turkish lady. At first the idea pleased her, bub on reflection she said: “Oh, no, mamma. I shouldn’t like to have my mouth covered because of the refreshments.”

Sir James heard the celebrated Huxley say at a dinner given by Macmillan at the Garrick Club: “I sincerely hope that the Established Church will never be disestablished in my time. It has provided me with an invaluable buffer. Had it not been for the Established Church I should have been burnt at Smithfield long ago.”

A schoolgirl undergoing an examination on history and mythology, when asked, “What was the hydra?” replied: “The hydra was married to Henry VIIL, who cut off their heads one after another.”

A story was told of a celebrated Q.C. known for his closeness that he took a cab from the Temple to Westminster, and on arriving there handed the driver a shilling. “ It’s a Jong shilling, sir,” the driver remarked, to which the Q.C. remarks: “Let me see,” and, pretending to examine the coin, handed it back, saying, “ It’s as broad as its long, isn’t it?”

Speaking of the different things on which people pride themselves, Sir James said that a patient of his used to tell him with manifest self-com-placency: “My father was a carriage gentleman, and my four sisters and brothers were all beautiful, and were just like wax when they were dead.”

Dr Thompson was a celebrated master of Trinity _ College, Cambridge, known for his biting tongue. At one time there was a fellow of the college, a tuft-hunter, who was always referring to titled men of his acquaintance. Consequently he got the name of “ The Lord’s Day.” Upon hearing of this Dr Thompson said: “Don’t you think it would be less profane and more correct to call him ‘ Weak Day?’ “

Oscar Browning, one of the Fellows of Trinity, and a historian, was boasting to Dr Thompson about his collection of books. “ The fact is,” he said, “ 1 don’t know what to do with them; they overflow into my bedroom, and oven on to the stair lauding. don’t know what to do with them.” “If I were you, Mr Browning,” drily observed Thompson, “ I would read some of them.”

After an election in the United States, and a change of Government, the editor of a western newspaper who had supported the losing side received an intimation that if he did not immediately support the winner the Government advertisements would be withdrawn. He wired back: “ It’s an ugly curve, but I’ll take it.”

A new man .m an old estate grumbled over a bad day’s shooting, saymg that on a previous occasion he had sent away “four, hundred braces.” “In that case, my dear fellow,” said one of the guests, “ you can scarcely expect to keep up your bags.”

A woman sued for the value of a jug which she had broken while she had the loan of it from a neighbour entered throe pleas in defence: (1) That the jug was cracked .. she borrowed it; (2) that it was whole when she returned it; tnat she never borrowed it at all. * * * * At a meeting of the town council of a small country town it was proposed that the new cemetery should be consecrated. A voice came from a back bench: “ Yes, Air Mayor, I approve of that. I had my backyard consecrated and it has worn very well.” Hav;:.u;s A ruminating animal is one that chews its cubs. Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican. Acrimony, sometimes called holy acrimony, is another name for marriage.

A pithy American epitaph;— Little boy, Box of paints, Sucked the brush, Joined the taints. • » * ft A lady wishing to regale with a glass of whisky a messenger who had trought a note poured the whisky into a liqueur glass and gave it to him._ Looking at it with curiosity he said: “It’s a mighty pretty little glass, your ladyship, and how do they _ make it?” “Oh, I suppose they blow it,” the lady replied. “ Indeed, now,” rejoined the Irishman. “ Well, the man that blew this one must have been very short of breath.” ft ft ft # Colonel Moncrieff told Sir James that one Scotch farmer, meeting another, congratulated him on the success of his son. “ I’m glad that Johnnie has done sao weel at college. I hear he’s come out first baith in mathematics and in rhetoric.” “ 00, ay,” was the father’s answer. “The mathematics he tab’s frae me, and the rhetoric frae his mither. She was a blethering queen!”

It is told of a diffident young Scotsman that, when asked where ho was born, ho said: ‘‘ln Scotland/' and when further interrogated as to where he answered: “In Renfrewshitc.” and being further pressed replied: “In Paislcv; but a’ couldna help it. ’

A fashionable London doctor was consulted by an old Scotsman, and, having listened to his description of Ins symptoms and examined him, laid down the law in emphatic terms. “ What you have got to do,” said the doctor, “ is to give up red meat, to give up smoking, "d to take no whisky.” The old Scotsman said nothing, but glared at him, took up Irs bat, and was leaving the room when the doctor said: “ Stop a moment; what about my fee?” “ Pee?” said the old Scotsman. “ What for should I pay you a fee? I’m no going ta take your advice.”