CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

Evening Star, Issue 20982, 22 December 1931, Page 5

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

(From the General Press Ltd,)'.What liquor is most catching?—Gin* What country expresses sorrow?—* Wales. What plaything is above every other?, —The top. What word is always pronounced wrong?—“ Wrong.” Why is a horse like a beok ?—Because each has a tale. Which county in England has very; i bad roads?—Rutland. Why is a river lazy?—Because it's in bed all night and all day. What is the cheapest meal you can:* have?—A roil on the grass. > Why is a doll like jelly?—Because it is made with eyes in glass. In what part of the church do they ring the belles?—At the altar. What is that which goes down clean ' and comes up black?—A miner. Why can you never get to the end of the world?—Because it is round. What is ’ that which shows others what it cannot see itself?—A mirror. When is an extravagant young man like a dog?—When he’s curtailed. Why is an egg like a colt ?—Because it is not fit to use till it is broken. When is a muddy road like a loaded rifle?—When it is full of cart ridges. What word can you pronounce quicker by adding a syllable to it?—Quick. Why is an orange like a church’ steeple?—Because we have a peel from it. Why is the letter “t ” like an island?—Because it is in the middle of water. Why is fire paradoxical ?—Because the more it’s cold the hotter it gets. Why is a ship builder like a young duck? —Because he makes for the water.

Why is ambition like a weathercock?, —Because it is a vain thing to a-spire. Why is a,baby like an expensive fish? —Because he is such a dear little soul,Why is a short man like a popular book? —Because he is so often looked over. Why is the best inn in England most disagreeable ?—Because it’s inconvenient. Why is the letter B lazy ?—Because it. is always in “ bed ” and never in “ work.” When is a Scotsman like a donkey?—* When he stands on his banks and braes. What is that which when “ throw n out ” may be caught without hands?--* A hint. When may a man be said to bridge a difficulty?— When he makes an arch smile. Why should a man give his motor a good rest every day?—Because it is tyred (tired). When do vour teeth usurp the functions of the'' tongue?—When they are chattering. Why are good resolutions like fainting ladies? —Because they want carrying out. Why is a man who. cannot make an* other "joke like an umbrella? —Because he is used up. Who first introduced salt provisions into the navy?—Noah; for he had Ham in the ark. What belongs to yourself and is used by everybody more than yourself?— Your name. Why is a woman like a pair of skates?, —Because they have both occasioned the fall of man. Why is a person who never wagers a/* bad as a regular gambler ?—Because he is no better. To what question can a young lady, answer nothing but yes?—“ What does y-e-s spell?” Why is an egg overboiled and ail egg underboiled the same thing?—lt is hardly boiled.

Who was the straightest man in the* Bible? —Moses, because they made a! ruler of him. What did the toothbrush say to the' toothpaste?—“ I’ll meet you at the entrance to the tube.” How do you know that pussy cari devour a haystack?—because the cat’ll (cattle) eat it all. Of what profession is every man at first?—He must be a miner (minor) till till he is twenty-one. Whv is the human race very goodnatured?—Because they, are man-kind and wcman-kind. Why is it dangerous to walk on al newly-mown lawn?—Because there a fa' so many blades about. Why is the Archbishop of Canterbury like a weathercock?—Because he is at the head of the church. If you wished to buy a white horse* where would you go for it?—The White Horse cellar (seller). What everyone wants, what everyone gives, what, everyone asks, and what very few take?—Advice • If you met a lady in a dirty_ lane* why would it make the lane dirtier ?—- Because you would ad-mire. Which is the cheapest way of building a house for a pig?—Tie his tail in' a knot, and you have a pigstye. Why is a horse cleverer than a fox ?—» Because a horse can run when he i* in a trap, and a fox can’t. What is that of which there are only! two in every year, yet one in every day, and two in every week?—Vowels. Why do you suppose a .glass-blower, can make the letter E gallop ?—Because he makes a decanter (D canter). Can you tell me which skins make the best shoes ?—No ; hut I know that banana skins make the best slippers* : Why is a hungry boy looking at pudding like a wild horse? he would be all the better with a bit irf his mouth. What is probably more annoying to a! great reader than to have a stye in his eye?—To have a litter in his study. How far can a dog swim into a pond ? (| —He can only swim half-way because 1 after that he is swimming out of the;' pond. Why are washerwomen the most' inconsistent of persons ?—Because they) put out tubs to catch “soft” water, when it rains “ hard.” What is the difference between a ship escaping from the guns of a hostile fort and a mangy dog?—The one flees the harbour; and the fitter; harbour* ' -F“ ■; '• -W** "