FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19298, 10 July 1926, Page 23

FLASHES OF FUN

“ Did Henry tell you to-day that we thought of getting married?” “ Oh, no. He sat there and talked quite rationally.” * » * Phrenologist: “You have a wonderful talent for painting.” The Client: “ Dear me, how can you tell?” . , „ “ I see it m your face. » ■» * ■* Young Husband: “What You are twentv-live years old to-day? why, you told mo a year ago, jnst before the wedding, that you were only twenty! Young Wife (wearily): have aged rapidly since I married. Tommie: “Papa, what’s the difference lie tween a stage star and a screen St 'Poppa.: “There's a sound difference, my child.” » » • * “Why was Ruth swearing so last Sunday morning?” ' “She couldn’t find her prayer book.” * * » * “ Now the orchestra will play a pot pound.” , “What’s a pot ponrn? “ That’s whore each instrument plays a tunc of its own.” t, * # W * Boarder: “Here’s a sixpence I found in the hash.” Landlady: “Yos, l ( put it there. Yon’vo been complaining, I understand, about lack of change m your meals.” Pat; “I’m a hard-working, religious man. Look at the holes in mv knees. I got them through praying. Magistrate: “ But what about those holes "in tho seat of your trousers?” Pat (promptly): “ I got them through back-sliding.” # # * # Tho small hoy was making his first acquaintance with stewed figs, which he didn’t like. , ~ “Rat up vour figs, like a good hoy, said his mother. “I don’t like ’em,” ho replied. “ They’re jnst skins full of full stops. * * * * Stranger iu Dry Town; “Say, what’s good to ta-ke for a cold. < Native; “Oh, quinine and whisky, or quinine and brandy, or quinine and rum, or quinine and gin; and, eay, you want to bo very careful ( about tho quinine—it’s powerful stuff. “Yes,” said tho_tall man, “I have bad many disappointments, but none stands out like tho one that came to ino when I was a hoy.’ “ Some terrible shock that fixed itself indelibly in your memory, I MipP °“Exact]y,” mid the tall man. “I had crawled under a tent to see the circus-, and I discovered it was a revival meeting.” * * “ Prisoner, have you anything to say?” “ Assuredly, your Honor. I desire to state, without'reserve or circumlocution, that the -penalty imposed should be in keeping, or, as it were, comin disunite, to bcuit* ono of no mconsiderable importance.” “Well, you seem to have a liking for long sentences. Ton years.’ » * -x- * The travelling variety show was a mast unfortunate one, and its reception during the opening week had boon distinctly hostile. “ It’s a most extraordinary thing, remarked the producer to bis stage manager. “ We’ve loft no stone unturned to make the show a success.’ “ H’m, that’s all very well,” returned the stage manager gloomily; “ but you must also remember, my dear sir, that up to the present no turn Las been left unstoned.” r. * A small hoy, who was sitting next to his mother at dinner, was trying to force a large piece of pudding into his mouth, when, up, be caught his mother’s eyo on him. He guiltily lowered his spoon to his plate. “Oh, Tony,” said his mother, “ I was so afraid that was all going in.” The child looked up with a roguish smile. ~ ~ T “ Well, mummie,” he said, 1 was afraid it wasn’t.” • * « * Government Inspector “Well, boys, what did the Witch of Endor think she caw?” (Pause.) First Boy: “ Flare, sur, that wur an apparition.” G.L; “Quite right; but, what is an apparition?” Second Boy: “Plaze, sar, that be a spactur!” G.L; “Yes, yes, quite right again, so far; but what’s a spectre?” (Prolonged pause.) Bright Boy (in a mild falsetto): “ Plaze, sur, that be a gentleman as goo about examinin’ ecu lea!”