FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19197, 13 March 1926, Page 13

FLASHES OF FUN

“David, ver are my glasses?” “ On your nose, fadder.” “Don’t be so indefinite.” * * * * “ Young man,” said the professor, as ho grabbed a frisky junior by the shoulder. “ I believe Satan has got hold of yon.” “ I believe lie lias,” was the reply. -Jf -Jf ■if vr ‘ “There is only one thing I.ever do for policy’s sake.” “ What’s that? ” “ Pay. my premium.” “ Alice boasts that she never borrows trouble.” “No, that is a thing that she prefers to give.” * * •» * Professor: “When you examine a dog’s lungs under the microscope, what do you see? ” Bright‘Student: “The seat of his pants, sir.” One woman we know goes to tho theatre solely for the sake of getting new dress ideas. She has just sold her opera glasses and bought a microscope. He: “Yes, she is living under an assumed name.” She: “Horrible! What is it?” Ho; “The one she assumed when fier husband married her!” # -if ff vr Hay; “You have used the word ‘ donkey ’ several times in the last ten minutes. Am f to understand that you mean anything of a personal nature? ” Bee: “ Certainly not. There are lots of donkeys in the world besides you.” * * * * ' Tho Vicar: “Oh, Mrs Newrich, I was just copiing to ask you for a subscription towards a cot for the hospital.” Mrs Newrich (conscious of the responsibilities of wealth): “A cot? Got a. double bed, and have it put down to me,” # » * * Mr Oldboy; “Always respect grey hairs, my boy.” Tommy: “Why? My ma doesn’t.” Mr Oldboy: “You shouldn’t say that.” Tommy: “She wouldn’t dye them if she did.” * # # # Wife:.“How do yon like my cake? J got the recipe over the radio; it’s a western idea.” Husband (trying to bite into the cake); “That recipe must have been broadcast through the Rocky Mountains, then.” * -x- * * Fifth-former: “I’ll fight the fellow that called me an idiot behind my back, if he, weighs a ton.’ Fourth-former; “ I’m the chap. Why don’t yon begin? ” Fifth-former: “You don’t weigh a ton.” * * -x * “ I am told, sir, that you said yesterday I ought to he placed in a lunatic asylum.” “ A base slander, my dear sir, I assure you. What I did say, and I likj) to bo exact, was that the keepers should never have allowed you to escape,” •x -if -x- -x “Am derc anybody in de congregation what wisiies prayer for clelr failin’s?” asked the colored minister. “Yassnh,” responded Bro'hcr Jones. “Ah’s a spen’tnrif’, an’ -Ji throws mah money ’round reckless like.” “Vc’y well. We will join in prayer fo’ Erotbeh Jones—jes’ afteli do collection plate have been passed.” -x * -x x “Have a cigar? ” said the man with the smiling face. “Don’t mind if I do,” said his friend. “But, what’s the occasion? Why this lavish display? ” “ Oh, I’ve got an addition to the family," was the answer. “You don’t say so? Congratulations!” said tho other man, enthusiastically, as ho put a match to his cigar. After a IVw puffs ho observed: “ About the fifth’child, I should say.” An old farmer received a largo ostrich egg from his son, who was a sailor. After weighing it carefully in Ids hand, he went out fo the chicken run, and placed it amongst the hens. He then addressed them thus: “ Dear hens, I do not wish to oast any aspersions upon your industry. 1 fully appreciate tho fact that yon do your best. At the same time, 1 should like you to observe what is being done by the liens in foreign countries.”