FLASHES OF FUN

Evening Star, Issue 19044, 12 September 1925, Page 13

FLASHES OF FUN

She: “I wonder who invented that superstition about Friday being an unlucky day?” He: “Oh, some poor fish.” » * ■» & “Cheer up, my dear child,” he said. “ Submit in patience to the dealings of Providence. You have lost a child. Your loss shall be made up to you a hundredfold.” * -» * « “ You are run down,” said the doctor. “ You need an ocean voyage. Will your business permit of it?”, “ Oh, yes,” cheerily replied iho patient. “ I’m second mate on the Anna Maria, just in from Hong Kong.” * * * ♦ Air Spriggcns (gently) : “ My dear, a man was shot by a burglar last night, and his life was saved by a burton which the bullet struck.” Mrs Sprigging: “Well, what of it?” Air Spriggins (meekly); “Nothing, only the button must have been on.” =r t- -t * “Are yon sure this theme is perfectly original?” “ Yes, sir, but you may have seen a few of the words in tho dictionary.” In Louisana, during the grinding season, tho negro children eat sugar cane in abundance. One day an old negro was beard reprimanding a boy whom ho saw eating cano after cane. “Boy,” he said, “ain’t 1 done tole you not to cat so much cane? Don’t you know cano killed Abel?” ,♦ * * * Judge (to prisoner) : “ We arc now going to read tho list of your former convictions.” Prisoner: “ In that case perhaps your Worship will allow me to sit down.” » * # ♦ “ I have hero a letter signed ‘A Man in the Street.’ ” “Answer it in a hurry. His situation is extra hazardous these days.” * * * * One day in summer a little girl seemed deeply occupied with something in tho garden. Her father called out to know what she eras doing. She replied “ I am only playing, Daddy.” “ Playing with what?” her father said. “Playing with a caterpillar and two kittenpillars,” was her answer. w * * ♦ Undo Hiram: “See, ’Ever, here’s a German clock i bought for ycr in London.” Aunt Maria: “ Good gracious, Hiram. How foolish. You know I don’t understand a word of German.” * * ® • A tram conductor noticed a small boy running by the side of the tram and called to him to go away. Tho kiddie yelled back: “Yah! Moan beast! Too mingy to Jot a bloke keep cool in the shade of yer 010 tram.” * * * * A: “"Where are you off to?” _ li; “ I am going to ask Mr K., the wealthy banker, for the hand of one of his daughters.” A: “Indeed 1 Which of them s ” B: “Don’t know yet; if he is in a good humor 1 will take tho youngest, if in a bad humor, the eldest. w » * * “John,” said a gentleman, annoyed by bis chauffeur’s habit of whistling, “ you should remember that fortunes nowadays are made from the by-pro-ducts of waste. "When yon whistle in future, whistle into tho tyres and save tho expense of a pump.” » * # « Husband: “I fancy we are being robbed by our .servant girl, so in order to find her out I have left my purse lying on the table.” * "Wife; “Then, coine, let ns look at once. How much money did you leave in it?” Husband: “Dear me, I quite forgot to count.” ■Jc * ft ft In the studio of a fashionable painter before Jits latest picture. “ Well, what do you think of it?” “In tho first place I ought to tell yon that I am no judge.” “ Never mind, let us have your opinion.” “ To toll the truth, I think it splendid.” “ There, you see what a capital judge you are.” # A chef with an inflated opinion of his worth to the hotel where he was employed, went to tho proprietor with a request for more money. Threatening to quit the job if the rise was not forthcoming, he said; “ What, would yon do if .1 was to leave you?” “ Well, my dear fellow, what would I do if yon were to die suddenly.” “In that ease 1 suppose you would have to do without me.” “ Well, consider yourself dead from now on.” A company of soldiers wore having target practice, and Private Murphy, who had repeatedly missed, was admonished by his officer. “You can do better than that, Murphy. Now, try again, and don’t flinch.” Murphy fired, hut as usual, missed. “ What was tho matter with that last shot?” And tho officer appeared angry. Murphy looked up and answered: I dnnno, sir. It was all right when it left here.” » » » * Three men from the heart of Males walked into a. hotel and asked for three glasses of vintage port. After drinking, the first one said: “Look yon; that’s tho finest glass of port wine I’ve neffer tasted.’’ Tho second remarked: “So did 1 also.” The third capped it with: “Neither did I, too.”