WHAT ARE "COOTIES"?

Evening Star, Issue 16987, 8 March 1919, Page 4

WHAT ARE "COOTIES"?

HOW THEY ACTED AS GERMAN SPIES. Scientific investigation of the " cootie" —that terrible plague of the allied soldiers —reveals tho fact that the boastie not only can talk, but that he is a trained German spy. By the use of powerful microphones the very chatter of the " cooties" has been recorded, and it shows to what depths of savagery and depravity the Huns descended. At any rate, such is tho report of Major D. Roan, of the American forces that served in' France. Writing to tho Los Angeles ' Herald,' ho said : "Our department has been operating with tho medical department in investigating the 'cootie.' Strange as it may seem, we have come to the conclusion that the ' cooties' are of German extraction and kultur, and 'have been bred to a high state of development far beyond that which they assumo in their natural wild state. Not only has the medical department discovered that they carry trench (ever germs and many other cultures, but experiments have shown them to have certain traits that, until recently, have been entirely overlooked, because unexpected. Not only do they have instincts that go i with their species, but apparently, by careful breeding by the Germans, they have awakened new and unexpected possibilities. Wc havo finally confirmed _ what at first was considered mere coincident. Talk about the 'cootie' being fond of humans ; why, they are so fond of them they have, by close association with their scientific breeders, taken on many of the traits and characteristics of their masters. Not only this, but thev are susceptible to training"in a remarkable way. In one. enclosure where we have corralled some hun- | dreds of thousands of the beastios we havo divided these insects into groups, accordI ihg to characteristics, size, strength, menj tat endowment, and some other classifications. " Our department has been studying I them with the greatest care ever since certain suspicions were aroused by things I .they did. which, until recently, have j passed notice. Among the most noticeable traits of these vermin is that of clailnishness and loyalty to one another. It is surprising how "they travel in groups, and defend one another in every possible way. We have discovered that they have their own form of organisation and certain communitv interests, and leaders that direct and manage their collective interests in so far as is possible when scattered about, as generally they are." Certain old-time notions about the cootie's tricks and customs have been corrected bv the investigators, and timely light is thrown upon their modem activities. The major states : '" Contrary to tho usual belief, the 'coctie 'is not necssarily a permanent institution once establish/* in some choice, warm-blooded soldier. It is truo that the newer generations constantly coming on o ro apt lo remain until they begin to increase m too large numbers. But all tins timn they manage to keep in contact with one another —that is, one group or colony with the colonies near by and around them. Often the 'cooties' delegated to act as runners and carry messages to other colonics are killed or injured or for some other cause never roach th/.ir destination. ITowevcr, they are vonderful.lv successful even then. Let me go somewhat into defail to show how. they keep their lines of communication alive. Here is a detail of cjwitics that have been living on Private Bill. Bill is in tho front lines, and, according to the laws or nature of the cootie, these messengers ever so often, which is apt to be several times a day, if that bo possible, pass from olio location to another, either by attaching themselves to another person, or to a. rat or some of her animal that may be convenient. When the sun rises in the morning or when it •Minis up they ustnlly begin to circulate and reach their destination. Thoy do net like the cold. They have wonderful powers of direction and ability to kvow where others are located, even at many, many yards away. It may be that there, is an odor that attracts tliem to their leaders, but whatever it is, they make every effort lo get to them as fast as possible. Wo 'nave discovered that 'cooties' will cross a >pace of 100 ft in a ■very .short time, one-.! they have favorable conditions. Bright, warm „.weather is best for quick action. Then, too. we have noticed soinething stranger still about the groupings of 'cooties.' "We have determined that they have a language of their own which powerful microphones intensify to a point that makes audible their chatter, so to speak. And then, to make it even more surprising, we one day ran across a Gorman in one of the internment camps who vchentered certain information that has proved wonderfully vail u a bio to our work. " Tho censors' rules will not permit my going into details or explaining what we learned, other than to generally state that this German prisoner informed us how Germans, before the war, had been breeding the 'cooties' for vears, and 1 had developed vast armies of them, all trained to act against -their enemies. Not only this, but tho Germans have selected from the more intelligent and capable 'cooties' a vast army who aro directing the actions of the herds that have spread all over the battle fronts. They havo them so trained that they attack the Allies exactly as tho German troops do. Not only that, but they have developed among them a remarkable, intelligence force, that not only penetrates the lines and ranks of the Allies and carries on its pestering jvork, but which also reports information back to the Germans. We learned how the Germans taught the 'cooties' to do all this, and know their means of communication with the 'cooties.' Of course, the 'cootie,' being of low menial order, only the lowmental order of tho Germans enables them to reach their level, and make them feel at homo and as comrades in arms. They havo so workedi themselves into tho confidence of the cooties', that they are considered to lie one of their strongest and most valuable allies."