OLLIVIER BEATS BEAMISH.

Evening Star, Issue 15074, 4 January 1913, Page 12

OLLIVIER BEATS BEAMISH.

*, . A Christchurch wire received late this afternoon says :—Ollivier made a great recovery. Playing at. the top j of his form, he took the next three sets and tho match, beating Beamish I 4-6, 2-6, 6-3, 6-3, 6-2-

A DISCUSSION ON~EUGENICS. % The First Talker: "Lot o talk about this ere Eu-gen-ics—wot is :t?'* " " , . ■ > The -Second Talker: ".WH; "same's .'this ere. S'posin' your father was a born-drunk and yer mother balmy, w'll ihen, your missus 'ud be took away from yer au ' V IIC I ' ave tcr marry me or Bill, us bc-iu' fine, unstandin' bachelors. The First Talker. ." He!. ..my. wot-■-about me? '. . " • • ' Tne Second Talker: "You? Oh. roii'd be stuck in quod, old son—an' ken'' there."— 'Sketch.' - .. THEIR LAST LAUGH. There was a, man who took each chance To call the doctors 113mes; He used to say, and fairly -prance, "I know their little games! The doctor is a useless wight, • He'll trick you of your pelf, ' ' Oh, yes, I'm "sure that I am right— I scorn.them all myself," That man talked on from week-to week To anyone he'd meet; His neighbors in their homes he'd seek, He'd stop them in the street. At last for his desire ho found That field too small, and then As "Old Subscriber" out he ground Flings with his fountain pen.--For months he roared and strewed his screeds On platforms, in the Press; He laid to doctors horrid deeds : A? villains more or less. Then with disease his back: was bent, He. could not. wag his chin: Therefore his wealth he freely spent To call the doctors.in! NEW PASTURES. At. a din-.T no* ; u „g- ago: there'was told a Scottish story of a parishioner who had strayed from his own kirk. "Why weren't 1 you at the kirk on Sunday?" asked the] preacher of the culprit on meeting him a. day or two later. "I was at Mr■' M'Clellan's kirk,'' said the other. •'• I don't like you vunniug about, to .strange'.kirks "like that," con-j timied the minister. ."Not that I object to your hearing Mr M'Clellan, but I'm sure you wadna like your sheep straying into strange' pastures."- "I wadna/ care'- a. grain, sir, if it was better gress," responded - the parishioner. THE" JUDGE WHO WAS. SHOT. Although he does not "let .himself go" on the bench so freely as some of the.'pther humorists. Judge Parry, whose ;book is just out. can be funny on occasion. He tells the story of the shooting- in court, when he had such a narrow escape. In the nursing home they used the Rontgen rays. ° . " When the photograph was. developed," says Judge Parry, "they showed me a blur with one indistinct blob on it. "What is that?" I asked. ■ •" The bullet," said'the. doctors'. " And you have photographed all- the metal in my head?" " Certainly." "Then where is the portrait of mv "old tooth?" ' " The doctors.could not, or. did.-not, answer this poser. NOT BIGOTED. Senator ; La Follet.fe, in'describing to an American'-journalist what heVmeant by saying a certain political boss was " not- "a bigoted apti-corrupfionist," told this little story:—"A drummer-heard an .eloquent temperance lecturer one night in the town hall

or Nola Chncky, and an hour later, at the ! Nola Chucky Hotel, the drummer saw this -same identical temperan-.e lecturer drinkin", one after another, whiskies with heer chaseri I at the bar. 'Why, how's this?' the drummer exclaimed. ' I thought you wore a total abstainer!' 'So I am,' the lecturer replied: ,/so I am, my young friend, but. I ain't bigoted.' " ' THE HIGHLANDER'S REVENGE. The London correspondent of the ' Glasgow Herald' tells of an Endishmau who had been holidaying in the Far North, and who paid a visit to the battlefield of Culloden. His driver, a iine old Highlander, acting as guide, pointed out to him everything of interest which tradition or historical fact associated with the fight. " And there," said the guide, pointing with his whip to a field of com not far off, "lie the English." "Ah' Very interesting," replied the' Englishman. "Yes," retorted the Highlander, with something like passion in his voice, " and you will noatice that it iss Scotch oats that iss growing there." The book most prized by the Earl of Hope;tcuh is an old brass-bound, leather-covered ledger. It belonged to .John Hope, the founder of the family, who kept a shop in the High street of Edinburgh more than 200 Vyears ago. And the first entry in that ledger is a prayer, "0, Lord, keep me and this buik honest." If every merchant since had adopted John Hope's prayer and John Hope's practice, there would be fewer fraudulent bankrupts, and the standard of commercial morality would be very much higher. PAINFULLY POLITE. ' Captain Owen Wheeler relates a humorous story anent the politeness of the Burmese. The experience was that of a brother officer, :who, happening to arrive at a Manipur village when a pojo game was in progress, asked to be allowed to take part in it. The natives were delighted, and the officer enjoyed himself amazingly, although he was unused to playing polo on a bare-backed pony, and had several spills in consequence. But lie was particularly amused at noting that whenever he fell off, all the other players followed suit! He socfli discovered that this remarkable phenomenon was tho result, of 'pure politeness on part of these simple ; tribesmen, who thought it might serve to \ lessen tho injury \f> their guest's feelings, at ■ any rate, if they came precisely the "same " croppers" that he did. "OH, BEANS!" A certain mother believes that, the pent-up passions in the human breast should be re- ' lieved vocally, even if those pent-up passions happen to be in the breast of her offspring. She has a son, seven years old, who is generally one of t.hs mildest, mannered young- ■ sters that ever lived. There are times, however, -when he bpcomes self-assertive, and vents his opinion of things. His mother, knowing that these outbursts demand a flow of language, tries to train him so that his speech shall be proper. One day things went wrong with him, and he. grew exceedingly indignant. "Mummy,'' he said. "I'm going to swear!" She was shocked, of course, but, knowing . he must blow off his steam some way. said: "Go on: maybe you'll feel better if you have it out all at once." , The boy hesitated for a moment to be daring; thsn he bulged his eyes, stuffed his hands into his trousers pockets, and blurted: " Oh. beans!" DISENCHANTMENT. She had a face divinely fair, A face to make an artist glad; She had a wealth of auburn hair, And oh! the figure that she had! Her soulful eyes were big and brown, A rounded softness graced her arms; I fancied that in all the town No girl could boast of rarer charms. Her fingers tapered and were white, I paused to gaze a little while. And fancied that ihe day was bright , Because she had so sweet a smile; But all my happy fancies fled, .And gloomily I went my way, When to a. passing friend she" said: • "I seen your brother yesterday." ' —Chicago 'Record-Herald.' Registry Clerk : " It is necessary for me to ask the mother of the bride if she has nothing to gay before I proceed with the ceremony." Voice of Mother (in back- ■ ground}: "AH I have to say is that if I ■• hadn't had a good deal to say already they never would have landed hei'e."' Dilapidated Tramp: "If he wont give me any money arsk the doctor if 'e'll give nic an ole pair of trousers." Domestic Servant: "Can't. The doctor's a lady." "Work," observed Weary Willie, rcflec- . tively, "work is all right if'you can set the sort to suit, your individual needs, "i, for instance, wouldnt object to calling out the stations on an Atlantic liner."