IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Evening Star, Issue 15074, 4 January 1913, Page 12

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

- * . SUSPICION BREEDS SUSPICION, : - v A plumber was sent to the house of a wealthy lawyer to do a job. He was taken by the servant into the dining room, and was beginning his work, when the lady of the house entered. "Jane," said she, with a suspicious glance toward the plumber, "remove the silver from the sideboard at once and lock it up." But the man of lead was in no wise disconcerted. "Tom." he. said to his assistant, "take my watch and chain and these few coppers' back to the chop a.t once." A SECOND ADAM. Bobbie has recently begun to go to Sun. day school, and takes the deepest interest in the Bible stories which he learns tbere.The account of the creation of Eve made an especial impression, and Bobbie repeated it ; with careful exactness to his parents on his return from school. The next day, after he had been putting in a long afternoon of hard play, and had run about a great deal, he felt a pain in Iris side, and his mother found him Iving on his'bed crying bitterly. ' n , " What is the matter with my little boy?" asked his mother, sympathetically. . "I'm getting a wife!" sobbed Bobbie. SANDY AND HIS PHYSIC. Doctor: "I hope you are following my instructionis carefully, Sandy—the pill's three times a day and a drop'of whisky at bedtime." a Sandy : " AVcel, sir. I may be a wee bit behind wi' the pills, but I'm aboofc six weeks in front wi' the whusky."—The ' Tatler.' WIT' AND WISDOM OF SAKI. The art of public, life consists to a great extent of knowing exactly where to stop and going a bit further. The popular pulpiteer—who spanks the vices, of his.age and lunches with them afterwards. Few people talk as brilliantly to impress a -friend as they do to depress an enemy. Without expecting that her every wish should become a law to him, she should at least have liked it to reach the formality of a second reading. Once let the idea get about that the Chrisjian Church is rather more exclusive that the lawn at Ascot, and you would have a quickening of religious life such as this generation has never witnessed. "I've just trodden with all my weight on the foot of an eminent publisher as I was leaving my seat," she cried, with a peal of delighted laughter. "He was such a dear about it. I said I hoped I hadn't hurt him, and he said: 'I suppose you think who drives hard bargains should himself be hard."—From 'The Unbearable Bassington,' by Saki. "HOW FUNNY!" John brought a man to dinner the other evening. He was a member of the Fabian Society, I think he said. Well, he talked a great deal, and most wittily, most amusingly—an Irishman. I should say, if; you can imagine an Irish Mephistopheles. He did not in any way conceal his dislike and contempt for Christianity and its efforts. At the same time he seemed to place the greatest confidence in parish councils, public boards, and other communistic devices. He appeared an earnest, sanguine agitator, almost beside himself with work and selfirhpoitance. How funny! Why, to-day the regenerated England, the social millenium which lie believes attainable, is just as much illusion as the New Jerusalem. If the world were capable of perfection it would be better than it is. It has had the millions of years for experiment. But society changes superficially; it does not improve.—From 'The Illusions of Mr and Mrs Bressingham,' by Gerald Bendall. WIT OF THE WEEK. One can insure against every accident on earth except marriage. What is the good of finding the right woman if you are tlia wrong man? It is better to begin at the bottom of the ladder than to fail from the top. A reasonable wil'e is one who never stops to reason about anything you tell her. Women complain of being misunderstood; men secretly rejoice that tliey are. A woman of the world tells me a crowd is as good as a conservatory for confidential conversation. Why does a man admire a clever girl even if she is plain, aud marry a silly one if she is pretty? Some women's love is like a footman's livery—slightly altered to fit and handed on to ti:e new man. Some people who bitterly resent being made a fool of by anyone ehe think nothing of making a fool of th?mselves. A man divides girls into four classics: Those he loves, those he has loved, those he has not yet loved, and those he never will love. A FASHION NOTE. Lady Duff Gordon, at a tea. at the EitzCarlton, praised ths pannier skirt. " Everybody likes it, it is so graceful," she said smiling." " Everybody likes it except crusty old fellows." She turned to a crusty old fellow upon a Louis Seize chair beside her and continued: "I know a woman whoso husband growled at her when she tried on a new pannier gown for him." "' I don't see why you wear those ridiculous big panniers. You haven't got the hips to fill them." " The woman blushed and bit her lip. I Thpn she said quietly: "'But do you fill your silk hat, George?'" A SCOTSMAN MAKING HIS WELL. A Highlander ou his death-bed called in a lawyer in order to make out his will. The lawyer, after getting pen, paper, and ink, drew a table close to the bed, and asked him to proceed. 'Well," said the Highlander, "I would like to leave £2 000 to my wife, and £2OO to each of my seven children, and £3OO to ths Church." "But." interrupted the lawyer, in suprise, " I had no idea that you were so rich, Donald." " Neither I am; in fact, I've practically naething, only if I dee they'll a' ken the goodwill I hae for them.".