A NOVELTY IN HUSBANDS

Evening Star, Issue 15065, 23 December 1912, Page 9

A NOVELTY IN HUSBANDS

OBJECTS TO KISSING. Platonic affection may have its place in the world, bub there is such a thing as working an otherwise good philosophy overtime. Here, for example, is the case of John J. Gallagher, 44 years old, and married—neither of which facts alone need comment. But he is unkissed. He not only confesses it, but apparently glories in proclaiming it to an astonished and probably a bit incredulous world. It is true, nevertheless, for his wife backs him up in his statement. She says he has never kissed her, either before or since their marriage. t Of course, from personal knowledge, Mrs Gallagher can speak only for herself, but until some well supported evidence to the contrary is brought forward Gallagher's statement that he has never kissed a girl nor been kissed by one must be believed. Gallagher's record as an unkissed man probably stands alone in this day of " soul mates," and if he had confined himself solely to maintaining his unkissed state his wife would not have complained. She did object, however, when his display of "affection" took the course of using her after the manner of a punching bag, and so had him haled before the police Judge of the Norristown Court. The charge was of beating his wife. Nothing was said about the fact that he had never kissed her, although most wives would consider that negligence the most culpable offence —probably. The Judge heard the evidence on the charge, and, being an old-fashioned soul unversed in any of the "isms," past or present, suggested that they " kiss and make up." " I don't believe in osculation," replied Gallagher, a bit severely, considering the man he was addressing was giving him a chance for his liberty. "What—what's that?" gasped the astonished Judge. "You don't believe in what?"

"I don't believe in kissing," replied Gallagher, imperturbably. The Judge glanced helplessly in the direction of Mrs Gallagher, and the others in the court room leaned forward expectantly in their seats.

" That's right, your Honor," said Mrs Gallagher. "John doesn't believe in kissing, lie has never kissed me in his life, either before or after we wore married. And he says he has never kissed or been kissed by any other woman." "He must be queer," said the Judge emphatically, and as one man the courtroom audience nodded their heads in confirmation.

"What's the matter, Gallagher?" asked the Judge'.

" Well, your Honor, you see, I have my ideas the same as other men, and this business of kissing has always seemed to me to be something like the* appendix is to the body; both have outlived their usefulness, and can only make trouble. We are better off without either. I have thought it all over, and as I am a man of convictions, I have determined that I would not encourage a custom that merely plays on our emotions, the reflex of which can only have a deleterious effect upon our higher plane of thought. Besides, scientists* have long since proved to us that osculation is far from sanitary. Science, your Honor, has proved beyond refutation by even the most captious critics that the act of kissing is tho only possible way to transmit" the bacillus of "

' Hold on, Gallagher," interrupted the Judge, weakly. "I would like to know by what philosophy you justifv your theory of wife-beating. Does that tend to the elevation of humanity?" "With the ancients " Gallagher began.

"Stop," shouted the Judge. "I haven't time for more philosophy. Will you promise to discontinue this especial theory if I let you off this time ?" "Yes, sir,' answered Gallagher, promptly. ° '

_" Then, if your wife will agree, I'll dismiss the charge on that condition." As the Gallaghers started from the court room the Judge added: "And I would advise you to revise vour theory on kissing. You will find it not such a hardship after all. Just try one and see "

SMILE A LITTLE. Smile a little, smile a little, As you go along, Not alone when life is pleasant But when things go- wrong. ' Care delights to see you frowning, Loves to hear you sigh; Turn a smiling face upon her, Quick the dania will fly. Smile upon the troubled pilgrims Whom you pass and meet; Frowns are thorns and smiles arc blo^omt Oft for weary feet. "" Do not make the way seem harder By a sullen face; * Smile a little, smile a little, Brighten up the place. Smile upon your undone labor;. Not for one wHo grieves O'er his tasks wiit death or ?lory~ He who smiles achieves; Though you meet with loss and sorrow In the passing years, Smile a little, smile a little, Even through your tears.

Out of an annual cotton crop raneine between 14,000,000 and 18,000,000 bales, the United States of America furnishes' oa an average, 75 per cent., while India and Egypt contribute most of the remaining 25 per cent. A QUEENSLAND EDITOR'S LETTEE. The editor of the Cunnamulla ' Watchman' Mr J. It. Tindale, writes us as follows: "I have been living in the S.W. : district of Queensland for the iasfc thirteen years and for nine and a-half years was editor of the Thargomindah 'Herald.' During that time I have been subject to attacks of diarrhoea and have been in the habit of taking Chamberlain's Colic and Diarrhoea Remedy which has always given «rcat relief, and 'quicklv cwsd ine. <-t,4dTt4