IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Evening Star, Issue 14054, 8 May 1909, Page 4

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

FATALITY IN THE NAME. The new patient had been put to bed by the-nurse. Upon waking he inquired: “Phwat did ye cay the doctor’s name was?” “ Doctor Kilpatrick,” was the reply. "Thot settles it,” replied the sick man. “Thot doctor will not git a chance to operate on me.” “Why not?” asked the nurse. “He is a good doctor.” “Maybe so, but not for me. You see, my name is Patrick.” FLAW IN THE BRITISH MUSEUM. A woman who visited the British Museum recently inquired of an attendant: “Have you no skull of Cromwell? I have been looking all round for a skull of Oliver Cromwell” , “No, madam,” replied the attendant. “We never had one.” “ How very odd,” she exclaimed. “ They have a very fine one in the museum at Oxford.” WHERE PA WAS TO BE FOUND. When the lady next door called to complain that Tommy had been persecuting her pet cat she found the boy on the front steps. “I wont to see your father,” she demanded. “I’m afraid you can’t see pa now,” the boy replied, respectfully. “ I intend to see him instantly,” the lady insisted, in a loud voice. “Well, all right,” the little fellow agreed, opening the front door. “Walk right upstairs. You’ll find pa in the bathroom takin’ a bath.” HINDU LEGEND ABOUT WOMEN. According to a Hindu legend, this is the proper origin of woman:—Twashtri, the god Yulcan of the Hindu mythology, created the world, bat on his commencing to create woman he discovered that for man he had exhausted all his creative materials, and that not one solid element had been left. This, of course, greatly perplexed Twashtri, and caused him to fall into a profound meditation. When he arose from it he proceeded as follows : —He took The roundness of the moon, The undulating curve of the serpent. The graceful twist of the creeping plant, The light shivering of the grass blade and the slenderness of the willow, The velvet of the flowers, The lightness of the feather, The gentle gaze of the doe. The frolicsomeness of the dancing sunbeam, ° The tears of the cloud, The inconsistency of the wind. The timidity of the hare, The vanity of the peacock, The hardness of the diamond, The cruelty of the tiger, The chill of the snow, The cackling of the parrot. The cooing of the turtle dove. All these he mixed together and formed a woman.

WHAT COULD IT ALL MEAN? “Maggie,” said Jock, -whose mind was made up \o propose, and after they had talked about everything else for the last hour, “ wasna I her© on Sawbith nicht?” “Aye, Jock, I daresay ye were.” “And wasna I here on Monday nicht?” “ Aye, so ye were.” “And I was here on Tuesday nicht?” “Aye, ye did happen her© on Tuesday nicht,” “And I was her© on Wednesday nicht?” “Aye, so ye were, Jock, so ye were.” “ And I was here on Thursday nicht’” “PH no’ deny that ye were, Jock.” “And I was here on Friday nicht?” “Aye, Pm thinking that’s so.” “And this is Saturday nicht, and Pm here again?” “Weel, what for no’? Ye are vena welcome.” “Maggie” (desperately), “d’ve no’ begin to smell a rat?” AN INSINUATION. . Swiggfi: “ I once marched in a procession that was seven hours in passing a given point.” ° Biggs : “ What was the given point—a saloon ?” WOULD AROUSE HIS IRE. Stubb: “ This old book states that William Shakespeare used to swear by the stars.” Penn: Well, I guess if Bill could see some of the alleged theatrical stars o-oing through his plays these davs he’d swear at them.” THEIR FAVORITES. He ; What is your favorite game?” Sue i Quail on toast. And voms?” He : Eagles on 20-dollar gold pieces.” FRUITLESS LOVE. “Darling,” he murmured, “you are the apple of my eye.” “ And you,” she rejoined, “ are the lemon of mine.” HEADED HIM OFF. “ Speaking of trusts,” began the stranger, as he leaned up against the counter, “ I ” “Sorry, sir,” interrupted the grocer, but we do a strictly cash b tad ness here.” WHERE’S MINE, THEN? All flushed and breathless, the welldressed young man picked up the bat he had been chasing down the street, and leaned against a lamp-post to rest. ' Another, also breathing heavily, came running up and took the hat oat of his hand. “ I’m much obliged," he said. “For whit?” “ This is mv hat.” “Where’s mine, then V’ “Hanging behind you at the end of a string.” Then for the first time the youno- man remembered his hat-guard. °

THE BOY’S ORDER. “Say, mister,” said the small boy, breathlessly, take down this order cpiich : I got to go to school. Two pounds of coffee at 45c, three and one-half of sugar at 7c, six boxes of cocoa at 24, two dozen eggs at 32, and four pounds of butter at 40c. How much does it come to?’’ “Four dollars and eighty-three cents, my little man,” said the grocer. “What address, please ?” “Gee! Thanks!” said the schoolboy, as he made his escape. “That was the only one I couldn’t do!” J Percy : “ Do you think your father would object to my marrying you?” Pearl: “I couldn’t say. If he’s anything like me he would.” A motor car for the blind has been invented. Heretofore, apparently, the blind have been running the ordinary makes of car.—‘Minneapolis Journal.’ Forestalling Her.—Husband : “ Our little boy is sick, doctor, so please come at once.” Physician: “ I can’t get over much under an hour.” .Husband; “Oh, do, doctor. You see, my wife has a book on ‘ What to Do Before the Doctor Comes,' and I’m so afraid she’ll do it before vou net there!” ANXIOUS TO PLEASE. Generally speaking, a waiter’s life is not a particularly happy one, and Mr Browne has found it very difficult to please some of his customers. A needy individual entered the restaurant the other day. Waiter, he said, “ I’ll begin on oysters. One dozen—natives, mind; I like them on the deep shell; not too large nor yet too small Choose them carefully, and remember you must not bring me any that are not fresh and plump.” “Yes,'sir.” said the waiter sardonically, “an’-would you like ’em with pearls in ’em or without, sir?” “The hairs of our heads are all numbered, you know.” “So are the motor cars; but that doesn’t prevent either from going fast.’* The height of politeness is achieved by the man who takes his hah off to fait- to a lady when he talks to her over the tde-