BY THE WAY.

Evening Star, Issue 13090, 24 October 1908, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

If l chance. to talk s little wild, forglvl me; X had it from my father.— 1 Henry VHI.’ pleasure that is called so. ij c Bio w<»ld over, and what would be fun to som© men would be vexation and bitterness of spirit to others. To a true son of Erin, for instance, a political campaign would be a feast of fun, a tim© to break heads in a spirit of kindnem. Tho manners of men change sadly. Be melancholy and succeed. So far there has been little merriment in the New Zealand Political War of 1908, nothing worth immortalising in a ‘ Historian’s History,’ the coping stone to the educational structure of th© world. Tho “pomp and circumstance of war” is faded, and camp followers ae© too much of tho grey side—too much of th© pains and penalties. Amidst tho clamor of wordy warfare the cry of fallen and falling fighters rings out on heedless ears. “ Tis not my fight.” cries ono Labor Leader as tho strength of .a greater Labor Leader comes nearer, ever rearer. The unspoken anguish.of such an one must bo excruciating. In the North things are even worse. A Mr J. T. Stembridge has withdrawn from the contest for Franklin scat because “of the unwarrantable delay on tho part of tlio Government in making their nominations.” Be is sick of waiting, a prey to nerves. It is too bad of the Government! But a conqueror never shows his hand too early in th© game. There is ono gloomv consolation for candidates who give in as Air Stembridge. It is better to withdraw than to be cast out. * * * * * * * Novelty is not common in tha policy of politicians. It is not fashionable. Tho beaten track in politics is the easiest road to th© House of Rest. Ono candidate— Mr J. T. Johnson—who has yet to give what ho calls his fighting speech to win t he Taieri _ seat, stands alone for rare novelty of ideas. Their value is nothing to tlio point; their novelty is a thing apart. Ho seems to b© a bom fighter, and looks on the payment of a paltry £IOO,OOO as New Zealand's naval subsidy as a lazy way of defending tho Attractive Isles. Ho says that "it would be better employed in laying th© foundation of some scheme of defence for ourselves, such as TORPEDO BOATS OR CRUISERS OF SOME sort, so that some of th© boats could he. used in th© ferry service between Wellington and Lyttelton, and worked in conjunction with the railways.” Imagine the. ioy of travelling steerago on a torpedo boat with a Japanese torpedo-destroyer in hot chase. One's sea-sickness would indeed be horrible. “The Union Company’s monopoly of tho ferry service ” is responsible for ranch strange thought. A better method of utilising such a New Zealand Navy would be to place the boats at the disposal of Socialists (who could go a-cruising in search of Utopia), we;' proviaioned, but uninsured. It is criminal to encourage laziness. ******* The path of municipal dutv leads not to tho grave, but to the House of Parliament. The way is crooked, however, and may lead the bravest traveller into a wilderness. A© the end of the journey is not the best in life, tho ill-luck of Air J. Loudon, ex-mayor, whoso health gave way before he fired his first shot into the stronghold of the enemy, is more regret- ' table for Ids lack of physical strength than for the blighting of" his reasonable ambition. A man can servo his country as a plain man as well as another whose name is decorated with AI.P. Position is not everything. It is a great pity, all the same, that Air Loudon was prevented from finking his first blow, which might have paved th© way for a knock-out blow Liter. Better hick next time. Tho Alimicipal PalUment, however, is not lacking in politically-minded men. The Premier himself has decided to enter tho arena and wrestle with a tried political gladiator. Is this bravery inspired by the turning down of the thumbs of the Trades and Labor Council? Hero an old, old story of warnings on three gates leading to a, forgotten city may be told. The warnings were to strangers. On th© first was this f olden advice : Be bold. On the second ; !e bold, and evermore be bold. On tho third; B» not too bold. ******* Nothing in this world equals in importance birth, marriage, death—-the beginning, the best (?), and the last in life. New Zealanders, excluding Chinamen and Scotchmen, it would seem, make too much ado about each of these three great events. As » rule New Zealanders, despite the genial influences of their Italian dimate, have not the demonstrativeness of Italians, which fact is odd! The other day, in Christchurch, Archdeacon Ayerill inveighed strongly against the New Zealanders’ too-merry way© of celebrating baptisms, marriages, and funerals. They appear to be touching the borderhno of degradation and dishonor. The contempt men court os to baptism lies in their apparent disregard of the duties of sponeorahip. Baptism is closely associated with birth, a short step distant merely, and the reason for this alleged difference of god parents may be found in the supposition that some men nowadays are more than satiated with the responsibilities of fatherhood. The birth-rate affords good proof of that. In justice to tho men, let it be said that they are not alone to blame. Concerning marriages, of which more, no doubt, would be welcomed in certain hearts, beating bravely in lonely yearning, there seems to be a spirit of fan abroad. This is re- | markable, almost astounding. Alatrimony, according to the testimony of many married witnesses for the defence, is no laughing matter. Thousands of lonely folk sleep in single beds simply because the business is too serious—is too much of a perilous luxury. Even at funerals, where tho poorest ] deserve a bit of pageant, because it is th© last, there is too much show—too much ! pomp and splendor. Though there may ho 1 a little reason for such stinging strictures, 1 one cannot help thinking that New Zealanders, with all their faults, as a whole are really not so bod as they are painted. All the world over these days the fashion in ecclesiastical circles is to deplore and even denounce t!*> falling away of the people from grace. The gospel of fun, it would seem, goes near to exceed in attractiveness the Gospel of Grace. ******* They actually did something this week. They held a special meeting for th© deed, which, of course, was done “ in committee.” Where are you going to, my pretty maid? Into committee, sir, she said; Sir, she said ; sir, she said ; Into committee, sir, she said. , Alay I come with you, my pretty maid? Not in your natural, sir, she said; Sir, she said ; sir, she said ; Not in yonr natural, sir, she said. WTiat do you do there, my pretty maid? ALind your own business, sir she said; Sir, she said; sir, she said ; Alind your own business, sir, she said. What is your reason, my pretty maid? Good and sufficient, sir, she said ; Sir, she said ; sir, she said ; Good and sufficient, sir, she said. What of tho public, my pretty maid? Pooh ! They don’t signify, sir, she said; Sir. she said; sir, she saad ; Pooh! They don’t signify, sir, she said. Sure, they will ohase you, my pretty maid. Well, I’ve a hiding-place, sir, she said; Jolly safe refuge, sir, she said ; I’ll stay in committee until I’m dead. (The only clue to the. identity of the pretty maid is the accidental discovery of certain initials on some of the soiled linen which was being taken to the wash. They read D. and D. D. and S. B.) ****'*** Roslyn wiped the hotels out of her borders long ago, and Air Hastie was therefor© literally correct when, on Wednesday evening in Washer’s Hall (which is rapidly becoming quite a place of note since its “conversion”) he referred to it as a Prohibition district. Yet his remark was greeted with cries of dissent. The audience turned to one another with sotto voce remarks like; “ What about Bussell street? Doesn’t take ten minutes,” or "How about the tram, with the Douglas at the corner of the Octagon?” The gripmen and conductors on that line could doubtless tell of a traffic between, say,

'9.30 and 9.30 p>.m. which 'ia. not altogether negligible. -The care- are running the quarter hour service then, which means u five-minutes stop at the terminus between the down trip and the up. The hill dweller has often been observed to penetrate the little swing doors, emerge presently wiping his mouth, and return to the car shepherding two somethings in his overcoat pockets, which call to mind John liilpm. Sometimes a brief bag contains the spool. Rcslyn, after all, is not so badly placed in the matter of its supper beer as some might think. The little jaunt gives one an appetite, and odds only 3d or 4d, as the case may be, to the cost of the refreshment. The only drawback is it does not allow of “ running the cutter ’ in the time-honored way with billy or dipper. Let us hop© the Prohibitionists will not seek to interfere with this pleasant littlo' custom. It is gccd for both trade and digestion, and helps, m a quiet way, to swell the tramway company s receipts. *******

The pessimists say that wo are in for a ~P}°. depression. Our energetic Prime Minister is contradicting that with all his might, and ho has many in agreement with him. The very elements are seeking to prove him right. Away up at New Plymouth old Mother Earth is at last vomiting forth a precious jet of oil. It is a gcod omen. Let there he light, instead of the darkness and gloom prophesied by the cioakcrs. Lest any sneer at the Taranaki bore, it may be well to inform them that John D. Rockefeller is watching developments closely, or his agents are doing so and keeping him posted. If the South Island would come to light in a similar way t - i the North, or go one hotter for preference, perhaps we (including even Air Jas. Allen) might be content. In the meantime. we can point to the Kaikorai Band’s initial win at the Ballarat competitions, not to mention such doings on “ the other side as those of Maranui, Sonltline, and Pilot. New Zealand is not a back number yet. We are not so old as even we ourselves once thought. Experts have been telling us that the Moa is only just extinct, it that. " *******

By the Wayfarers' may perhaps remember that a few weeks back eggs—rotten ones were mentioned in this column m connection with John James Meikle We do not wish to disturb that individual, who is understood to he absorbed in the study of a simple sum in subtraction—viz., £5 000 minus £4,999. We do wish, however, to disturh the eggs. The paragraph suggested that cases ot them, discovered about that time in Dunedin, had been exported to Wvndnam. Now, the discovery of those eggs made by a Dunedin Corporation official, whose nose for nuisances distracted Ins attention momentarily from the pursuit and capture of the consumptive pic and the scrutiny of auctioneers’ licenses Justly proud of his excursion into a comparatively new held of research, he whispered the gruesome news to a, member of the Star reporting staff, but added that in giving it he was contravening a minute appearing on the books of the Town Hall Bis Worship the Alayor directs that in no circumstances is information to be given to councillors, chairman, or otherwise, unless the same shall he applied for and is delivered through either His Worship or the town clerk.” The official told the reporter that he came under the category or otherwise,” and that lie must be very judgmatic in the publication of tho tu.ings. Ihe seriousness of the position ■\vas realised, dnd in order to put the mt.yor and town clerk off the scent, and avoid the possibility of implicating innocent councillors, the eggs were held over until ripe for publication.” The ruse succeeded admirably. Not a single councillor sniffed them, and neither Afr J. At Donald nor Air R. W. Richards accused this paper of a compound comminuted fracture of the minute. We shudder to think i at , WOI, H h ;lve happened had the little plot been discovered. Councillors have already groaned at several successive meetings under the burden of trving to probe another injury to the minute, in which th; ‘ Star ’ was also concerned. The labored inquiry has revealed nothing. Stay! Did it not elicit a remark from Cr Taplev, which ought to be framed and hung in tho Council Chamber and in every ratepayers home? On Wednesday night he is reported to have said : “ A councillor must be a man of sound common sense, otherwise he would not be sent to the Council.” —(Hear, hear.) “How could 1 have got Daniel on my notes unless you told me so, sir?” said Air Justice Stareleigh to the trembling Air Winkle. “This argument was, of course, unanswerable,” wrote Dickens; and so is Cr Tapley's, if you come to think it over. *******

Alas! to what shipwreck has the ‘ Star ’ reduced eighteen noble minds. Three council meetings more than grazing the brink-of extravagance, dire plot-tings in a “brewery.” counter-pilots and secret happenings in committee rooms, and many estimable gentlemen come to misunderstanding and fretful anger. And the loginning of it all? Thrown away with the pages of tho month-old newspaper in which it was published, and forgotten save bv the few councillors who din the heinousness of its publication into inattentive ears, much as a madman beats upxm a drum. Tho working man read it in his paper last night. “hummel Look at this,’ he said. “At it again.” And he conjured liigh Heaven to blind him. His mate at once proclaimed his Christian sympathy for the patient seekers of truth within the council chamber. Those comprising it. all, he said, guilty of ineffable offence, should be herded on a ship (unspeakably accursed) and cut adrift to sink. And he irrigated the tram floor with gusto. “Momus” offers this belated advice to tho embroiled ones: Just pick up the loose end of friendship again. Consider th'is : I hat the Book of Civic Life begins, not like th© Book of Life with a man and a woman in a garden, but with a councillor and a reporter in a well, wherever is most convenient. It ends with Revelations. Momds.