Funny Definitions

Evening Star, Issue 8613, 5 September 1891, Page 4

Funny Definitions

According to the 4 Schoolmaster,’ 44 stability ” was recently defined as being the “cleaning up of a stable”; and an answer to some question about insurance had this passage: 44 The money is provided by the company to defray expenses of the birth cf members in pecuniary distress.” In summer, it seems, 44 the day is longer owing to expansion of heat,” and that season itself is thus explained : “ Once a year we have the whole bright side of the sun turned towards us. Then it is summer. The sun is in the solstice and stands still.” 41 What comes next to man in the scale of being ?” inquired an examiner. 44 Bis shirt,” was tbe leply. Asked to give the distinction, if any, between a fort and a fortress, a boy nicely defined them : 44 A fort is a place to put men in, and a fortress is a place to put women in.” On being asked what the chief end of man was, another boy, without any hesitation, said 44 The end what’s got his head on.”

A teacher asked a very juvenile class which of them had ever seen a magnet. A sharp urchin at once said he had seen lots of them. 44 Where?” inquired the teacher, surprised at bis proficiency, 41 In the cheese.”

Being asked what conscience was, a boy replied; "An inward monitor,” Asked what a monitor meant, the ready answer was: 11 An ironclad vessel.” Another lad was asked what he understood by "celerity,” and, "perhaps from experience,” says the contemporary account, he described it as “ something to put hot plates down with.” The members of a girls’ class were asked a few questions. One was interrogated as to what was meant by " bearing false witness against your neighbor.” "It was,” she said, " when nobody did nothing, and somebody went and told of it.” Another was asked how beef tea was made, and she replied: " Buy a tin of beef extract, and follow the directions on the lid,”

" What are warmth-producing foods ? ” a third girl was asked. The reply was " Cayenne pepper and Jamaica ginger,”

" What is the feminine of friar ? ” asked a teacher of his class. First boy : " Hasn’t any.” "Next?” Second boy: "Nun.” "That’s right,” said the master. First boy (in an indignant tone): "That’sjust what I said.”

"And now, dear,” asked a governess, "what can you tell me about Minerva?” "She was the Goddess of Wisdom, and she never married,” was the reply.